Last minute RSVP change

Fancypantsamy

So my wedding is 4 days away and I had to have all of my final numbers in with my vendors last week - chairs, meals, place seatings, etc. There's barage of events happening in the small college town I'm getting married in, so every hotel room within 20 miles is booked solid (I just checked online)

Two weeks ago one of my friends from out of town contacted me and told me that she wouldn't be able to make it, she and her boyfriend had split up and she didn't want to make the trip alone. I understood why she would feel that way and I took them out of our headcount. I just got word from her that they have just reconciled this afternoon. She said she's not sure but she can let me know tomorrow night if she can still come. That's great and all, but all of my numbers are in. She also forefeited her hotel room two weeks ago, and was asking me for help finding a place to stay. 

If she gets back to me tomorrow night and says she can come, I'm going to call and see if I can get the extra chairs, rentals and food, but I'm not sure what to say if I'm committed in stone at this point to the number I gave the first time - my catering contract reads that they will not change the number within 10 days of the wedding. What should I tell her if that's the case? Also I have no idea what to do about the hotel situation except give her the info for some out of town. I just hate the idea of telling an invited guest that it's too late. 

Maybone

i know my vendor will add a percetage above my final numbers (For seats, food, etc.) for situations just like this. Even though most people who RSVP no actually don't come, last minute changes might come into play. I've seen this before, so maybe most vendors have this policy. They have to have extra food on hand, incase something spills, gets dropped, etc before serving. If your worried about it, call them ahead of time and ask what would happen if an unexpected guest showed up.

As for the hotel, I'm not sure what to do. Maybe a hotel further from your venue may have availability? She might have to drive further, but at least she'd have a bed to sleep in. Maybe hotels will have last minute cancelations? She might just need to keep trying.

courtski2004

When she told you that she and her BF had reconciled and would let you know tomorrow if she can still come, what did you say? Did you tell her that you may not be able to accomodate her since you already turned in your count or did you give her the impression that you would be able to make it work?

I don't think that you should be expected to bend over backwards to find accomodations for her. Sometimes last minute hotels can be found on travelocity, priceline and hotels.com so I would direct her there. You're not a travel agent.

HuckSC

Wow none of you can see that the friend had what she thought was probably a big life event. If it was with a pretty major SO I would probably call the bride and say, "Hey I'm probably not up to it now b/c of all this, so I most likely won't make it." Um Hello! She did have the curtesy to say I might not make it. How many people have we seen on here get all riled up about people saying they are coming but end up being no-shows? At least this friend didn't do that.

Just nicely say, let me see if I can get you added back to the count because I turned in my numbers thinking you weren't coming. I hope you and SO can make it and can't wait to see you.

This friend isn't just up and inviting herself to the wedding. She WAS invited. Life gets in the way at times. chill.

MoxieMickie

I would be willing to make one call to see if I could add to the numbers with no additional charge other than the per person price (i.e., no late change fee.) I would also be willing to suggest that when she looks on-line for a hotel room she will have to start 20 miles away. She could have been thinking this would require no more than one phone call and perhaps a suggestion of how far out she needs to look, so I'm not going to blast her. However, I think it is unreasonable for a guest to expect someone getting married in 3-4 days to take on additional charges, make several phone calls, or play travel agent. I would simply tell her that your numbers were already due and I couldn't change them. If you start to explain the time and energy for you to try to do so, it could sound off putting.
Of course, if you want to spend the 3 days before your wedding trying to make it work, that's perfectly acceptable.
I also don't think making a trip to a wedding with the SO you just broke up and reconciled with is a good idea, but that's often not the type of thing you realize when you're in that situation.

HuckSC

I think Moxie hit the nail on the head. Be her travel agent no, a little understandable, yes.

MobKaz

I think the bigger concern is her accommodations. 

Most venues always allow for a few additional meals above and beyond the guest count.  The chef and waitstaff can have issues in the cooking/serving process that could cause them to come up short, so I am sure they allow for some "overage" to cover their own missteps, as well as unexpected guest issues.

But, what if you work magic with the venue, possibly incur additional charges, reinvent your seating arrangements, and then your friend cancels again because she cannot find lodging?  I would suggest that your friend confirm with you that she has found lodging before you go to the time and trouble of getting additional meals.

melanieky

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_last-minute-rsvp-change-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a746c7a-2477-4d40-b468-9fe3408e91baPost:0c6c9356-6c16-42aa-b5ec-1821f028f8ff">Re: Last minute RSVP change</a>:
[QUOTE]I would be willing to make one call to see if I could add to the numbers with no additional charge other than the per person price (i.e., no late change fee.) I would also be willing to suggest that when she looks on-line for a hotel room she will have to start 20 miles away. She could have been thinking this would require no more than one phone call and perhaps a suggestion of how far out she needs to look, so I'm not going to blast her. However, I think it is unreasonable for a guest to expect someone getting married in 3-4 days to take on additional charges, make several phone calls, or play travel agent. I would simply tell her that your numbers were already due and I couldn't change them. If you start to explain the time and energy for you to try to do so, it could sound off putting. Of course, if you want to spend the 3 days before your wedding trying to make it work, that's perfectly acceptable. I also don't think making a trip to a wedding with the SO you just broke up and reconciled with is a good idea, but that's often not the type of thing you realize when you're in that situation.
Posted by MoxieMickie[/QUOTE]

I agree. She should find her own hotel, it's kind of ridiculous for her to expect you to help her out 4 days out from your wedding.. you have enough on your plate. Hopefully whoever is catering your wedding can add two meals last minute.

MrsKathyC

I would suggest that she actually call some places for rooms. They may get some cancellations but not update their website.