My FI thinks a rehearsal dinner is when you taste your food!!

misscarolb

FI is military and used to attending plenty of Army weddings, almost all his friends have been married at least once! But I have to say these are never very traditional. Not to say that's bad but his only wedding experience comes from smaller non-traditional weddings. He has no clue!

He's even been the best man 9 times, but for this past one I was concerned because our flight didn't get in until late and we'd miss the rehearsal and dinner. That's when I found out that he thought the rehearsal dinner was when you sit down with the caterer and taste the food.

It doesn't end there. It's everything. The worst part is he gets really defensive when I try to explain. I don't know what to do! We've only been engaged 2 weeks, the planning hasn't even begun and I can just see the etiquette bumps in the road already! Help!

brookelynpaisley

Aw, that's actually pretty cute. So this whole time, he's missed the rehearsal dinner in every wedding he's been in? That's funny. My DH was pretty clueless with some things too, that's just guys.

Maybe sit down with him and explain different parts of the wedding and explain wedding traditions. He could be embarrassed that he doesn't know and that's why he's getting defensive. If you get out a checklist and go over it, then he'll understand better, hopefully.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-thinks-rehearsal-dinner-taste-food?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a91f6b6-db21-42b6-ba0e-11d40089e0d6Post:12a09d0b-75d5-4fd7-934f-d78a112f4e43">My FI thinks a rehearsal dinner is when you taste your food!!</a>:
[QUOTE]FI is military and used to attending plenty of Army weddings, almost all his friends have been married at least once! But I have to say these are never very traditional. Not to say that's bad but his only wedding experience comes from smaller non-traditional weddings. He has no clue! He's even been the best man 9 times, but for this past one I was concerned because our flight didn't get in until late and we'd miss the rehearsal and dinner. That's when I found out that he thought the rehearsal dinner was when you sit down with the caterer and taste the food. It doesn't end there. It's everything. The worst part is he gets really defensive when I try to explain. I don't know what to do! We've only been engaged 2 weeks, the planning hasn't even begun and I can just see the etiquette bumps in the road already! Help!
Posted by misscarolb[/QUOTE]

So he had a misconception about the RD.  I don't see the problem?

akhensley81

Don't worry, OP... I've had to gently explain just about everything to my FI. He still gets confused. I just told him not to worry, I'll take care of everything, and all he has to do is show up when I tell him. LOL!

Mrs.B6302007

And now reading Brooke's response I understand what you're getting at.
Ditto Brooke...he's a guy and he could be embarrassed about not knowing without someone having to explain it to him.

nda_roxybabe

Haha T and I are not yet engaged but when talking about weddings theres a lot he just does not get. Men can be very clueless. Just explain the things to him as Brooke said.

Catwoman708

LOL!  Baby steps, baby steps. 

You might have a "rough draft" plan,  break things down into planning stages, and give him an "outline" or "overview" of what you have in mind.  Then you might ask him to be thinking of what he has in mind, what things he wants input into, and get an idea of how involved he wants to be. 

cukimerrydoll

I also think this is pretty cute. 

Just take it slow - one day, one item, one project at a time.  I've had to explain a lot about how the whole wedding thing works.  FH has only been to a handful of weddings (under 10, and probably only 3 or 4 that he can remember), and I've been to upwards of 30.  I've had to explain just about everything.

He didn't know what a registry was until I said we needed to set one up.  But the biggest wedding he's been to was less than 75 people... and ours is 250.  So, some of the issues are coming from additional things we need to do for a larger wedding (offering accommodations, registering, favors, type of catering...).

Take it as a learning experience.  One for both of you to get started in.

NicciSal91

i thought it was cute too. until i read the deffensive part. im engaged to a military man too and i know alot of the girls say their FI get deffensive and we thing its cause they have guys telling them what to do all the time that they get frustrated when we do it to them too. idk if thats the case here but maybe just show him diffrent wedding magazines and things for back up so he doesnt think your just making this stuff up. hope that helps

misscarolb

Aw, you have all been so sweet! And no, it's not just the rehearsal dinner, I just didn't want to babble. He's BIG on etiquette in other situations; makes me walk on the inside when we're walking down the street etc. Maybe I'll just have to get him a wedding etiquette book so he can brush up!

He's very involved in things like decorating our house and has tons of opinions (luckily our tastes are very close) so there isn't a single aspect of our wedding that he won't have his hands on...it will be a long road! Thanks again ya'll!

Miss+Trixie

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