G

Bone & Gleason

My

Mrs.B6302007

You have really messed up here.  You shouldn't eliminate BF/GF/Spouses just because you've never met them.  A couple is a social unit.  You should be prepared for either a lot of your guests who were invited alone to decline or to come but mumble about you behind your back and possibly hold a grudge.

You should REALLY try to make this right with them.

Mrs.B6302007

To answer your specific question about the email, no, don't send an email in hopes of explaining anything. 

Instead, wait for the RSVPs to roll in and when Sue who was invited alone RSVPs for herself and her H, Jim, then you call her and tell her that he's not welcome. (slight sarcasm)

ETA: in other words, I would deal with each situation individually IN VOICE  rather than through a mass email

Bone & Gleason

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-invites-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ac61f06-fa73-4ca3-bdc8-00b29d9740b7Post:c0ea5d19-3484-445a-bf15-f2a3eda27726">Re: Guest invites</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Guest invites : Sending an email would be incredibly rude, but since you're already being incredibly rude, I don't think you really care.  Guess what?  I'm not a socialite either, but I have good manners. 
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

I'm truly sorry if I personally insulted you with that joke, it wasn't meant to do that and I know that this is abnormal.

Mirahbelle4

You say you are only inviting people you know and love, so it surprises me that wouldn't worry more about their comfort at your wedding. Essentially, you are compromising their experiences in order to benefit you. Is there any way you can fix this? Can you squeeze some more people in? Can you cut back on something that isn't yet paid for in order to include spouses and SOs? Alcohol? Favors? Flowers? It is important that you consider this. If I were invited to a wedding without FI, I likely wouldn't go, harsh as that may be. Not because I wouldn't enjoy it, but because I would feel bad leaving him behind. I would hate for your loved ones to think badly of you because of an avoidable etiquette blunder. By the way, etiquette is not just for the elite.

crash2729

Nice DD...but you've already been quoted.

Mrs.B6302007

Welcome to the Etiquette Board.
It's where you get honest advice on, you know, etiquette.

jessicabessica

You're not abnormal.  There are a lot of people that have limited budgets, large families, and a lot of friends.  Etiquette is not about satisfying some arcane set of rules, it's about making your guests feel comfortable.  Not being invited with a spouse (in particular) is going to seriously upset some of your guests, and rightfully so, it's insulting.  Be prepared for declines.

mica178

"We want you to celebrate in our day of love... without your loved one.  The invitation was only for you because we don't care about your comfort and limited free time.  Please bring gifts.  Love, Bones"

frantastic12

Well the good news is, you'll likely come in under budget once people realize what's happening and start declining left and right.  FI and I would decline in a heartbeat if one of us was invited and not the other.

Sincerely,

A working schlub on a budget with a large family (who is inviting +1s)

LP11509

A few years ago when H and I were engaged and living together, he received an invitation to his classmate's wedding.  It was addressed only to him, and he also recieved a mass e-mail from the bride stating that SO's/dates were not allowed.  H and I were both PISSED and definitely still remember/talk about it (as I am doing now, nearly 3 years later - case in point).  If you do this, people WILL talk behind your back.  Do you really want to be remembered as "that biiitch who didn't invite my SO to her wedding?"

lyndausvi

I would seriously side eye you if I received such an email.   

It's all good you love me enough to include me on your special day.  But I love my DH more than you to leave him at home on our only night off together.  I bet the people you love so much to invite will feel the same way.   Most couple do not take it to kindly when you exclude their partners.  I would be surprised if these people will  still love you after this.

angelsong21

I have never received an invitation that didn't also include H, but if I did, you could sure as hell bet I would be declining your wedding invitation.  Sorry, but that's the reality and that is likely what many of your guests will be doing when they realize that their SO isn't invited.  I really don't want to go sit at a wedding by myself, especially when I may not know the majority of the other people invited.  You don't break up social units.  There is never a good reason to do this...ever. 

Summer2011Bride

Well I think you'll come in way under budget because a lot of people probably won't come to your wedding since you were rude enough to exclude their SO. So I guess that is good news for ya.

RamonaFlowers

Send the mass email. Or at the very least, do it in a way that puts your rudeness in writing. Then it can go viral and I'll have something to amuse myself with during the day.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-invites-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ac61f06-fa73-4ca3-bdc8-00b29d9740b7Post:caa00b90-386a-4039-90a7-1c264c494708">Re: G</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't break up social units.  There is never a good reason to do this...ever. 
Posted by angelsong21[/QUOTE]
Disagree - I can think of an example. I remember reading a post from a bride where the SO of a guest had sexually assaulted her in the past, and she didn't want him there. I think that's a legitimate reason. But in OP's case, not even close.


In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-invites-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ac61f06-fa73-4ca3-bdc8-00b29d9740b7Post:b76fd822-db9f-4f60-9c7b-e83ac7e4b6c1">Re: G</a>:
[QUOTE]Well I think you'll come in way under budget because a lot of people probably won't come to your wedding since you were rude enough to exclude their SO. So I guess that is good news for ya.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]
Wow, you're so witty. Nobody else pointed this out upthread.

amorg334

As someone who is also on a budget and is having a larger wedding to accommodate a large immediate family (not mine my fiancés).  We still had plus ones for most of the guests we knew that had spouses but who were also older than us.  The only people who are not going to receive plus ones are people who do not have spouses, long time boyfriends/girlfriends etc.  You need to be considerate when you make up your guest list.  You might end up with a lot of people angry at you and aclot of issues that you were not expecting.  Also, sending an email saying no plus ones to people is incredibly rude and you need to rework your budget and possibly try to have it so peoples spouses are able to come.  Just because you have never met them does not mean that there spouses are not people too and could not become your friends.  

pkontk

Being 'poor artists' does not excuse poor etiquette.

mkrupar

Wow, something we've never encountered before, a bride on a BUDGET! Imagine...yes you poor starving artists get to throw etiquette in to the wind.

Does the irony of you two getting married, celebrating your wedding, and yet NOT inviting people's SO hit you at all?? 

LD1970

I'd love to get an email like this.  I also love the "reply all" button for my response.