Gift etiquette for a friend's wedding reception

becky659

Hey guys! Long time no see since I got married

I have a question regarding a reception my H and I have been invited to. (Question at the bottom if you don't feel like reading)

A friend of ours got married this summer... I was invited to the shower they had in the spring. I wasn't able to attend, but my MIL gave the friend a gift from all of us.

They got married that summer, but we were not invited.

Then a few days ago I got a facebook group invitation from his now wife, saying that they were having the reception in December and that I'm (we're?) invited.

I haven't seen this close friend of ours in over a year since he became a member of the wife's church, so I'd really like to see him.  My H is refusing to go.  I have no idea what to expect, how to dress, given that the invite is on FB.  I guess she made the guest list private so I can't tell how many poeple are invited.

She listed their registries on the invite page as well, so I guess they are expecting that people might want to bring a gift? But given all of the above, is it appropriate for me to bring a small gift (since our family already gave one)?  I was thinking a cookbook or something.  

Help! 

AdeleDazeem

Meh - I wouldn't bring a gift.

You were invited to the shower but not the wedding.  You weren't invited to their first reception, but they're having a second reception and pushing the registries on you.  All of that turns me WAY off.  I'm not sure I'd even attend the "reception."

Calypso1977

id be offended that i was invited to the shower but not the wedding.

MrsGandthebeag

Was the wedding private (ie-immediate family only?)  Regardless, it was rude of them to invite you to the shower and then not the actual wedding.  I don't think I'd go to the reception.  

thurmanpowell

It would be more than just "appropriate" (pretty gracious actually) for you to bring a small gift given the circumstances.

Personally, I would probably just give a card.

Peledreamsofrain

Ew, that's more smelly than a week old pile of dead fish. Stay as far away from that disgusting trashy nonsense as you can.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I would NOT bring a gift. You weren't invited to actually witness their wedding, so this thing is just a party, not a real wedding reception. You already gave them a gift that was basically because they were getting married (although it was the shower, not the wedding) and they snubbed you by not inviting you to the actual wedding. I would be surprised if this "reception" was at all formal. I'm really thinking it will be a casual GTG with family members providing the food and whatnot.

strlzfan11

A similar situation just happened to me.  My entire family was invited to a shower for my cousin's FI (the registries all indicated the wedding was NEXT October).  3 days later messages pop up all over FB about them getting married in a small family ceremony, but are planning on having a vow renewal next fall.  I didn't go to the shower, didn't send a gift, and most likely won't go to the VR, but if I do I won't be sending a gift.

misssunshine17

I wouldn't attend and I wouldn't send a gift. They are seriously milking it for all the can get. 

mcda04

I wouldn't send a gift. an AHR doesn't require a gift as it's not a wedding. I wouldn't attend either since you were invited to the shower and not the wedding.

Cortney1982

Oh. My.  I would go out of plain curiosity of what kind of things are going to go on at this "reception".  I wouldn't bring a gift.

Jen4948

I wouldn't want to go either, let alone bring a gift.  You shouldn't have been invited to the shower if they weren't going to invite you to the wedding.  That smacks of bad planning.

arendiva

I would go and have fun mingling with friends. I would not bring a gift. I might bring a card.

ftrmrsweatherdon

Why are they having a second reception?? That in itself is confusing to me.

If you want to go, I'd say go. Would  I bring a gift? Its your call. If you want to bring something, so one is going to stop you, but definitely don't feel obligated.

becky659

I have no clue why they did everything the way they did.  Maybe it never occured to them that people would be offended throughout this whole year?

After the shower was over, it became clear that they were going to have the wedding at a beach (which isn't that far and I would have been happy to travel).  They had (I guess) only family and then had a gorgeous 2 tier cake and drinks.... but to me that's a reception.  I mean, we only had cupcakes, punch and fruit at ours.  So I was really confused when I got a reception invite.  They're Mormon and appairently December is when they can be sealed in the temple... but I don't really see why that calls for a huge reception complete with presents.  I get that they wanted to celebrate with a small wedding (I counted like 30 people in the picture, two of which are for sure NOT family, but I digress), but, to me, if you want a small wedding, then you have a small wedding and call it over.  Not invite who knows how many poeple to celebrate something that might as well be celebrated in private since we're not Mormon and couldn't wittness the sealing even if we wanted to.

I'm slightly tired of this wedding, since it's literally been ongoing since the spring, to the point where I took the wife off my newsfeed because it was 100% wedding pictures/honeymoon pictures all the time.

I considered not going to this reception period, but I do want to see our friend.  I want to see that he's happy, because this whole wedding and religious conversion came on REALLY fast and my H and I haven't seen him since.