Appropriate?

VRL

My FI is in the process of narrowing down his guest list.

He's inviting his Aunt, who has three grown sons. The youngest son currently lives with FI's Aunt, but the older two have families of their own.

My FI grew up with the middle son, and wants him to be a GM. He's never been particularly close with the other two sons, and is on the fence about inviting them.

Thanks to this board, I've become better versed with wedding etiquette, but I can't remember what etiquette says in this case.

Is it appropriate for FI to invite his Aunt and only one of her sons (whom he wants to be a GM), or should everyone be invited?

lyndausvi

In theory, you can invite anyone you want as long as you include their SO also. 

In reality, family dynamics come into play.  It would not go over too well in my family.    I can't speak about his family dynamics.   

mkrupar

In my family it's all or none. If one cousin is invited, we invite all cousins. That being said, not all families operate the way we do. Is there any precedence for this situation in your family? What have other weddings in your family guest lists looked like? Were all cousins there? Only some? etc. What does FI's family do? Answer those questions, and you should have yours.

angelstar975

I think if you're inviting the aunt and the one brother is going to be in the wedding, you should invite the other 2 brothers just to avoid any family drama. I have cousins I'm not that close with and if they invited my parents to their weddings and not my sisters and I, I wouldn't think anything of it... but if they had one of my sisters in the wedding and then just didn't invite my other sister and I, I'd probably be kind of offended.

VRL

I'm not very familiar with his family's dynamics, unfortunately, but I more or less agree with everyone. I'm afraid it will cause issues.

I'll ask FI to talk to his parents, and see how this would go over with his family. If it's going to cause bad blood, I'll make sure the other brothers are invited.

Thanks so much!

ETA: Of course, all SOs (and children) will be invited with the brothers.

Loopyseven

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_appropriate-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b13c8ae-0dea-4bae-bc8a-ef93f5f8b17aPost:77db8442-b47c-46d9-b667-bcfb04ab8d64">Re: Appropriate?</a>:
[QUOTE]In my family it's all or none. If one cousin is invited, we invite all cousins. That being said, not all families operate the way we do. Is there any precedence for this situation in your family? What have other weddings in your family guest lists looked like? Were all cousins there? Only some? etc. What does FI's family do? Answer those questions, and you should have yours.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm lazy today - what MK said :).  Etiquette wise you are free to invite/not invite whomever you like as long as you don't split up social units.  Reality - how would this go over with FI's family?  And that's something only you and your FI can answer.</div>

kmilon01

I had a similiar situaion, I wanted to invite a couple only, but they had 2 grown sons both of whom have SO. I'm kind of close to one son, but not at all with the other.  I decided to invite ALL 6 people, b/c I would've felt bad if my sister received an invite to a wedding and I didn't.