Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

BM Trouble

I know there was a post about kicking out a bridesmaid yesterday.  However, I have just found out some information from my FI cousin this morning.  He is in Iraq but will be back in time for the wedding.  The cousin is a groomsman and his wife I has asked to be a BM.  The cousin called me this morning from Iraq to tell me him and his wife are splitting up.  How should I handle this situation?  The wedding is not until Oct 2010.  Should I just wait and see what happens or should I talk to her and replace her now?  The cousin does not think she will want to be in the wedding as she is leaving him for another person.  Help please!

Re: BM Trouble

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    If their relationship has been shaky before, I'm inclined to say wait it out, because your wedding is so far in the future. You never know when you'll have an on-again-off-again situation, and you won't want to deal with a re-instatement and robbing a third party of the BM title if there's a change of heart and she has already been replaced. If that makes any sense at all. But on the other side of the coin, if you know that the separation is serious and irreversible, i would pull the proverbial trigger now and contact the BM, asking her as politely and tactfully as possible if she would still want to be involved. That way it won't be weighing on you any longer than necessary. Basically it comes down to whether you think they might get back together in the long run.
    We're just two lost souls swimmin' in a fish bowl, year after year
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    You never replace a WP member.  It is insulting to the person that dropped out, to the replacement person, and to the rest of your WP.  It sends the message that you only care about numbers, and that they can be easily replaced.  If the replacement wasn't good enough the first time around, they aren't good enough now. Since this person is close enough to you to be a BM, I would assume that her separation from her husband won't have an impact on your relationship.  You have more than a year until your wedding.  You shouldn't have even started asking your WP yet.  Put this on the back burner until next spring.  At that time, you can see how this couple is doing.  If she still doesn't think she can be around him for your wedding, then she won't be in your wedding.  After a few months, they may patch things up, or they may be over that break-up anger and be able to be around each other again.  For now, you tell her: Oh, we have tons of time until the wedding.  You just worry about you and we'll talk about it as the wedding gets closer.
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    And this is why you don't pick your WP over a year in advance.
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    I think you should just wait it out.  Your wedding is a long way away and they may resolve things, you never know.  I would wait until maybe 8-9 months before your wedding and then assess the situation.  That leaves you with plenty of time if you want to find someone to take her place, although you don't have to because uneven parties are perfectly fine.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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