Second Cousins?

MJheartsWeddings

Due to budget I decided to limit the guest list of our wedding to first cousins (I have a very large italian family).. That being said I added on a few of my second cousins that I am very close to.  We grew up in the same neighborhood and one of my second cousins is actually going to be in my bridal party (she is also my best friend).  Is it okay to invite some second cousins, but not others? 

J&K10910

It is technically ok--especially because your reasoning makes sense.  But the thing is that there is a chance people won't like it much.  If you're prepared to field questions and irritated second cousins, then you're fine to do this.  If the idea of potentially pissing people off doesn't sit well with you, then I'd reconsider.

I think if it's a seriously small number, it will probably go over better than if you're inviting half of them and leaving half out. 

MJheartsWeddings

I have 20+ second cousin's so it definitely isn't a small number! I am just hoping my family will be understanding. 

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tiered-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b9ddd94-09a7-49bc-8e38-b7ec3dd9da85Post:f63b3aa2-3233-4f4c-a02b-2548775789d4">Re: Tiered guest list?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have 20+ second cousin's so it definitely isn't a small number! I am just hoping my family will be understanding. 
Posted by MJheartsWeddings[/QUOTE]

No, no--I mean if the number you're inviting is small compared to the total number of them.

So, if you're inviting 5 of 25, it will probably go over better than inviting 15 of them and leaving out 10.

[Deleted User]

I thought a tiered guest list was when you invite people to the wedding and then only some to the reception?  Or something about having an "A" list and a "B" list?

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tiered-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b9ddd94-09a7-49bc-8e38-b7ec3dd9da85Post:8a8cb022-67bc-4974-81a2-a1ed1169500e">Re: Tiered guest list?</a>:
[QUOTE]I thought a tiered guest list was when you invite people to the wedding and then only some to the reception?  Or something about having an "A" list and a "B" list?
Posted by munchkinmiss[/QUOTE]

It is.  OP just worded her title poorly.

MJheartsWeddings

Oh gotchya! It is only six of them. 

MJheartsWeddings

My mistake on the title I was confused.. 

[Deleted User]

Thanks J&K, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't misreading something.

OP, I'm only inviting a few of the extended family to the wedding but my family is just a trainwreck.  I'm only close to one family and then another cousin.  We used the excuse that we are having a smaller wedding and were limited to the people that I am close to (not that they are nuts and I don't want the drama ).  I'm only inviting 5 people out of something like 30 people.

I agree with J&K though.  It depends on the numbers and how your family is going to react to it.  If it is going to be drama, it might be worth retaking a look at it.

melb2013

I realize it doesn't go against etiquette, but I think it's impolite to not invite everyone within a certain circle.  In my family, this not following the "circle" mentality has cause a lot of tension at times.  I'm only inviting certain circles of family just to avoid all the drama- everyone understands this way and nobody is offended.

Loopyseven

In this case you're inviting them more due to them being in the "friend" circle, than because they are in the "second cousin" circle.  It's a pretty small number so etiquette wise you're in the clear.  Only you can know your family dynamics well enough to know if this will go over okay or cause a stir.

good2Bqueen13

To OP:

Etiquette, according to Emily Post Wedding Etiquette, states that you should invite every one in a particular group.  Meaning, if you invited one aunt, you invite them all.  If you invite one first cousin, you invite them all, etc.  This rule of etiquette is not meant to cross the aisle, though. As in if you invite second cousins, it doesn't mean your FI must invite his second cousins. Bride and Groom guest lists are considered separate.  

However . . . that said, the guide also suggests that modern etiquette is much more lax on this rule for the same reason as you have listed.  In today's society, it is much more comon to be very close to some family members and perhaps never have met another. 

ootmother2

NOPE

I am close to one second cousin and her H.  She's my BFF and closer than a sister.

I inivted my aunt "with guest" because she was unable to drive that far.  She chose her daughter.

I have 5 siblings and 100 odd cousin on FOB side.  I let her make the choices other an above

Miss_2010

That's fine.  My 2nd cousins are children or teenagers (my 1st cousins kids).  A few of them I grew up with, they just lived in the general area with me.  Others I have never met.  Hence I am only inviting the ones I grew up with since they were born.  The rest, nope. 

saacjw

I know that we're inviting second cousins that I'm close to, but not the ones that neither my mom or I have seen for 15 years/never met. Some of that though is due to some weird family dynamics- the great aunts that I am close to no longer speak to those cousins etc, so for my family, it makes sense.