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SmallenForever

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KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-it-be-rude-to-back-out-on-a-wedding-a-week-before-as-a-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ba81ee7-e852-451b-baea-4f62428e9e11Post:3d65397a-4b85-45e3-926f-c82219bf6963">Would it be rude to back out on a wedding a week before (as a guest)</a>:
[QUOTE]I RSVP'd yes to a wedding that is this Friday. However, the more I learn about this wedding, the more I feel like I'm not wanted. For starters, I don't have an address for the wedding. I've tried contacting the bride and groom and I can't get them to respond back. I have the name of the venue but it doesn't have a website and google can't find it. Another friend of mine is going and she said that the the couple told her that a bus would pick everyone up at the hotel for the wedding (that's why there are no addresses) and all the details are in the welcome bags. My friend and I are actually driving in because we couldn't afford hotels (not actually hotels-but cabins that started at $600 a night.) When she told the bride and groom that, they said they didn't expect or recommend anyone driving in (it's an hour and a half drive for us) and they'd get back to her. They haven't so far.  Our plan right now is to just drive to where the cabins are and hope a bus comes for us. I just feel that I'm really not wanted as a guest at this wedding (I mean, you should make your wedding easy for guests by at least telling them how to get there) and I want to back out. But I already RSVP'd and I don't want to be a rude no-show. Help?
Posted by SmallenForever[/QUOTE]

How close are you to the bride/groom? Assuming you aren't close to either, I would likely be inclined to just no-show. It's pretty rude to expect guests to book a $600/night cabin as their only means to finding/getting to the ceremony.

Simply Fated

If those busses aren't there... There is a chance you'll drive an hour and a half... for nothing. Well, unless the drive is scenic. Then there is something.

When you tried to call the bride and groom, did you leave a message letting them know that you still needed directions? Because, honestly, if you don't know where to go, then I wouldn't drive an hour and half on the hopeful chance there might be some busses taking me where I need to be.
I'd wait to get in touch with the couple. If you don't, I'd leave a message letting them know that you tried to find out where to go, but since you haven't heard back from them, you won't be able to make the drive.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-it-be-rude-to-back-out-on-a-wedding-a-week-before-as-a-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ba81ee7-e852-451b-baea-4f62428e9e11Post:9f05fbf1-d2a6-4000-95e0-b7b07d66444f">Re: Would it be rude to back out on a wedding a week before (as a guest)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Would it be rude to back out on a wedding a week before (as a guest) : Yes, I've left them a voicemail, text, and email explaining that I needed directions. I actually got an email back telling me all the info is on the website, but it's not, so I emailed back telling them I couldn't find the info. I really don't want to make the drive, like you said, on the hope that I can find the place. I think if I don't hear anything by the morning of, I'll take your suggestion and tell them I can't come. Thanks!
Posted by SmallenForever[/QUOTE]
You're welcome!

And, this might be out of line for me to say but that's kinda crummy that they redirected you to the internet instead of just answering you. That's like calling up a library/store/restaurant and after pressing 1, then pressing 4, then waiting on hold for 8 minutes just to speak to a human being so you can ask them what time they close and the human tells you to go check their website. Like, seriously?

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-it-be-rude-to-back-out-on-a-wedding-a-week-before-as-a-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ba81ee7-e852-451b-baea-4f62428e9e11Post:52044022-dbad-4e63-85e2-bd450f522e87">Re:Would it be rude to back out on a wedding a week before as a guest</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, while I think the couple is incredibly rude, I don't think that excuses planning to just no show. You don't want to go, and I totally get why, so don't go. But be the bigger person and call or email them tomorrow to let them know. Chances are that they won't be able to get their money back anyway, but it's the polite thing to do letting them know now that you won't be there.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
She said she would tell them she won't be coming.

QueerFemme

I would be very direct in the next voicemail/phone call and say "Hi Bride.  I left you an email last week saying that the website did not have the directions or address.  I haven't heard back from you with that information.   At this point, since the wedding is in just a few days, I'm going to have to decline coming.  I wish you all the best and hope your wedding is fabulous".

BUT, be prepared for getting a phone call or email saying "I'm SO sorry. I thought the website had that information.  here is the address and time.   Can't wait to see you!"

what are you going to do then?

Cortney1982

The bride and groom are ridiculous to expect guests to stay at $600 a night cabins.   Are they Why is the location such a secret?  Are they celbrities or something?  The fact that they wouldn't give you a straight answer after you nearly begged for it would be enough for the bad girl in me to come out and be a no show. 

itzMS

I certainly don't mean to be nosy, but if you really, truly, want to go...could you tell us the name of the venue?

I'm sure someone on here has heard of it or can help you find it.

My other suggestion would be to call the cabin's "front desk" (or whatever they have), and ask for THEM for the phone number & the directions to the venue. If the cabin front desk doesn't have it, and you don't want to ask for help on here, I think it's probably better and safer to stay home.

Daizy106

typically, yes it is rude to back out of a wedding a week before. HOWEVER, since the B&G are not helpful and expect people to stay at a $600/night cabin is insane. I am in the middle of planning my wedding and I could not be more excited that everything is so local and conveinent for everyone. I have been to plenty of weddings and I can't tell you how much I can't stand having to drive long distances for them. I understand completely why would you want to back out. I would suggest trying to get in touch with the B&G again, explaining you can't find the information to the venue, and you need it since you won't be staying at the cabin. and let them know that if you can't get this information then you won't be able to make it. this was they will expect you not to show up and not be surprised. Telling them you won't be going is better than not showing up at all. And if they don't understand, then they are really selfish. again traveling an 1 1/2 for a wedding is really inconsiderate.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-it-be-rude-to-back-out-on-a-wedding-a-week-before-as-a-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ba81ee7-e852-451b-baea-4f62428e9e11Post:6c933138-943a-4103-a177-1a31b5afc918">Re:Would it be rude to back out on a wedding a week before as a guest</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Would it be rude to back out on a wedding a week before as a guest: Actually, she said she would wait until the day of the wedding and if she still hadn't heard from them, THEN she would call and tell them she wasn't coming. <strong>Don't know about you, but I wasn't exactly available for phone calls on my wedding day. </strong> She's already said that at this point, she doesn't want to go. So, I would either flat out tell them that today or do as PP suggested and leave them one last message stating that if I dont hear from them by X time, I won't be able to come.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
I haven't been through that as a bride, but I see what you're saying, though. I agree with you that it's better not to wait until the last minute.

LiLe422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-it-be-rude-to-back-out-on-a-wedding-a-week-before-as-a-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ba81ee7-e852-451b-baea-4f62428e9e11Post:8b174fc5-4de3-4dcb-9da4-e14df6272715">Re: Would it be rude to back out on a wedding a week before (as a guest)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Would it be rude to back out on a wedding a week before (as a guest) : Update: So I borrowed the wording on this and emailed them back an hour ago and already got a response. <strong>They told me they were still hammering out details and they would get back to me by Friday.</strong>  So now I don't know what to do.
Posted by SmallenForever[/QUOTE]

Hammering out the details?  Didn't you say their wedding is this Friday?  Sounds really fishy to me.  I would call/email/text a decline.

Cortney1982

Wait a minute here!  STILL hammering out details with a week to go?!!!  What BS!   I'm sure she knows every detail INCLUDING the location of the venue.  I would cut all ties with this chick.  She is something else.

QueerFemme

Well, this just sounds like a total clusterfuck. 

I would probably respond to the email and say something like the following:

"Thanks for getting back to me.  Since I need to arrange travel/dog sitting/cat sitting/time off work/my pooping schedule, etc. unless I can make plans ahead of time, so I'm going to have to decline.  thank you for the invitation. Good luck with your wedding!"

Deuces!


Edit:  I have no idea why my post is centering. 

RamonaFlowers

At this point, I kinda want you to take one for the team and go because I'm dying to hear all about this wedding that is at such a special super secret location that apparently even the bride and groom don't seem to know where it is/how to get there, lol

But in all seriousness, they're "still hammering out details, but will get back to you by this Friday" for their wedding that's happening THIS FRIDAY?!!!?! What happens if Friday rolls around and they still can't give you a straight answer...or if the straight answer turns out to be "if you're not staying at one of those cabins you said you can't afford to stay at, you're beat" because only their magic busses will be able to find this mystery location?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

If they still don't have the "details" like the ceremony venue, this sounds like a clusterfuuck.

I will bet $10 they "get back" to you by saying that the wedding is full and they can't accommodate you after all.

loca4pook

Just out of curiousity, how do you even know bbride/groom? close friends? relative?

I am just curious.


oh, and like others, I am dying to hear about this top secret agenda going on

MrsGandthebeag

This is one of the more bizarre things I've heard/read.  I can't believe these people are such douches.  Or maybe I don't want to believe it.  

Simply Fated

I'm in agreeance with pp. Take one for the team. Report back to us immediately. Good luck on your mission.

SmallenForever

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-it-be-rude-to-back-out-on-a-wedding-a-week-before-as-a-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ba81ee7-e852-451b-baea-4f62428e9e11Post:40b2bb84-0acf-490a-b58b-cbe4d02b132b">Re: Would it be rude to back out on a wedding a week before (as a guest)</a>:
[QUOTE]This sounds totally weird. Having said that I would love to know the name of this place. I'm a pretty good sleuther. Bet I could find the info.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

<div>Turns out that it's just a house. The venue name was "{Family Name] House." So, it's not what I thought it was.</div><div>
</div><div>Anyways, update, they gave me directions to the cabins and told me what time to show up. So I'm going to go. This isn't the weirdest thing they've done so far while planning, so I'm really curious what's going to happen. I'll report back.</div><div>
</div><div>And someone asked me how I knew them: they are college friends. I introduced them actually.</div>

radleyboo

I'm late to this thread but completely intrigued.  I hope that you go, find the venue, and let us know how it all went.  Last minute scrambling like this does not bode well for a well-orchestrated event, but I hope their day goes off smoothly.  Have fun, can't wait to hear how it went!