Registry cards in engagement invitations?

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-cards-engagement-invitations-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7bab51f2-a29f-4f26-9bac-ade7aba54fe8Post:ff58c7c6-7523-4912-a003-efa66acd72ad">Re: Registry cards in engagement invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been to Engagement parties where the bride and groom include in their invitation where they are registered.  I myself am having an engagment party in 3 weeks and we included it in our invitation.  Main reason being, our friends and family are used to that so it's not a big deal.  If you feel that the people you are inviting are going to be offended, then don't put it on there but if you are close enough to your guests and know that they won't get offended then add it in.  It's simply all up to you. <strong> All these "do's and dont's" are sooo dumb.  It's your wedding, do what you want. </strong>
Posted by gruban[/QUOTE]


Way to belittle the brides coming on here asking for etiquette advice and being open-minded to receiving it.  If you don't want to do what etiquette suggests, that's your business but no need to state it in an insulting way.

gruban

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-cards-engagement-invitations-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7bab51f2-a29f-4f26-9bac-ade7aba54fe8Post:0ef54751-6bd6-4c95-8ffa-2449e274ffc2">Re: Registry cards in engagement invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Registry cards in engagement invitations? : Way to belittle the brides coming on here asking for etiquette advice and being open-minded to receiving it.  If you don't want to do what etiquette suggests, that's your business but no need to state it in an insulting way.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

I understand they're asking for advice.  I'm not trying to belittle anyone.  All i'm saying is that brides in the long run need to stop worrying about what everyone says and end up doing what they want to do.  If you don't, you're just going to end up making yourself go nuts.  It's your wedding day and it's all about you and your husband-to-be.  Not saying you should completely disregard everyone but you need to make the final decision....not everyone else.

sassy8179

Well FINALLY! I have to totally agree with kalago0424!!!! I am so surprised at how many people are still following this "proper etiquette" that says registry information should be sent out via word of mouth!!! What decade are we in again? People know that a couple will have a registry - what's the big deal of telling them where the registries are, along with telling them where the wedding will be, and when? It's the same thing. Personally, (and I know many people who feel the same way) I prefer to have all that information in one package. I got ONE invitation without registry information and found it very annoying and time consuming to have to ask around to find out where I should shop for this couple. Not to mention people gave me the wrong information. I am all for registry info with the invitations... but more the wedding invitations than the shower.

gruban

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-cards-engagement-invitations-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7bab51f2-a29f-4f26-9bac-ade7aba54fe8Post:214d5f56-8986-4de3-acd5-0a62d36e0082">Re: Registry cards in engagement invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well FINALLY! I have to totally agree with kalago0424!!!! I am so surprised at how many people are still following this "proper etiquette" that says registry information should be sent out via word of mouth!!! What decade are we in again? People know that a couple will have a registry - what's the big deal of telling them where the registries are, along with telling them where the wedding will be, and when? It's the same thing. Personally, (and I know many people who feel the same way) I prefer to have all that information in one package. I got ONE invitation without registry information and found it very annoying and time consuming to have to ask around to find out where I should shop for this couple. Not to mention people gave me the wrong information. I am all for registry info with the invitations... but more the wedding invitations than the shower.
Posted by sassy8179[/QUOTE]

Totally agree!!! Glad you feel the same way too!

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-cards-engagement-invitations-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7bab51f2-a29f-4f26-9bac-ade7aba54fe8Post:214d5f56-8986-4de3-acd5-0a62d36e0082">Re: Registry cards in engagement invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well FINALLY! I have to totally agree with kalago0424!!!! I am so surprised at how many people are still following this "proper etiquette" that says registry information should be sent out via word of mouth!!! What decade are we in again? People know that a couple will have a registry - <strong>what's the big deal of telling them where the registries are, along with telling them where the wedding will be, and when? It's the same thing.</strong> Personally, (and I know many people who feel the same way) I prefer to have all that information in one package. I got ONE invitation without registry information and found it very annoying and time consuming to have to ask around to find out where I should shop for this couple. Not to mention people gave me the wrong information. I am all for registry info with the invitations... but more the wedding invitations than the shower.
Posted by sassy8179[/QUOTE]

It's not the same thing.  The purpose of a wedding invitation is to invite people to come witness your nuptials and then celebrate together at the reception.  Gifts are not required and its purpose is not a request to bring gifts so a wedding invitation is just not an appropriate place to put registry information.  It sends the wrong message to your guests.  A shower, on the other hand, is an event held specifically for gift-giving so it's acceptable to include the registry information in those invitations.

sassy8179

I just don't think that including registry information is forcing anyone to buy a gift for you... "Here's where we're registered just in case you want to know".. that's the message I get... not "I'm inviting you to my wedding, buy me a gift". I just think that in this day and age most people don't read into that second message (though I am apparently wrong by most of the comments on this thread!!)

To be honest, the fact that someone sets up a registry to begin to me is saying "I expect you to buy a gift, this is what we want"... but it's the norm these days... so I don't think it's a big thing to say where the registries are.

Your baby's gorgeous, btw.

[Deleted User]

Reading all these posts it's clear that what each bride does is a)cultural, b)what they know to be traditional or c)they're own personality. In the country I live, it's the culture here to include your registry info in your wedding invitation (not necessarily for engagement parties because they're too early anyway). It offends no-one because that's the tradition and people expect to see it. It's not placed there to force a gift from your guests because most know they don't have to buy a gift if they don't want to. Moreover, stores that offer bridal registries are either so varied or 'here-today-gone-tomorrow' that it only makes sense to just tell people and save them the hassle. But all that being said, you have to know what group of people you are dealing with and the type of person you are. If you know that people may be offended if registry info is in the invitation and you're a bride who doesn't mind telling each and every person who asks you where your registry is, then do not put it in there. Good luck deciding.

Mrs.B6302007

@ sassy, thanks!  She's a sweetheart!

There is a lot of area/culture sway in how people feel about certain aspects of etiquette.  What's acceptable in one group may not be in another.  I've always felt that the registry was a wish list to help with color schemes, decorating taste, etc. should someone choose to purchase a gift.  At least with a registry, you're cutting down on the Great Aunt Ida gifts of bright green elephant candy dishes or similar. ;-)

JodiK111111

Put your wedding website on your invitations or include it somewhere and then on your website you can have where you are registered. This allows you to put it on the invitations without creating the etiquette problem.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-cards-engagement-invitations-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7bab51f2-a29f-4f26-9bac-ade7aba54fe8Post:b56bf197-b666-45a5-885c-3f1cf11d487b">Re: Registry cards in engagement invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree that I wouldn't put registry cards in engagement invitations - as was mentioned earlier, most people aren't registered yet, and I would expect more along the lines of bottles of wine as well. However, I'm going to go against the grain and say that yes, it's fine to include registry cards in shower and wedding invitations. Traditionally, it was a no-no, but there are  My sister got married last year, and I gave her a huge shower and didn't put registry info in because I didn't want to be "rude." I kept track - all but 6 of the 48 guests called me to ask where she was registered. I'm a busy person; I don't have the time or the cell phone minutes to take that many calls. They got a lot of calls for the wedding as well. The vast majority of people bring gifts to weddings, and most of those want to be told what to bring.<strong> I'm including registry info in my invitations, and if people are offended, let them be offended - it's my wedding.
</strong>Posted by kalago0424[/QUOTE]

You do understand that saying "It's my wedding," isn't a defense for poor behavior, right?

What's considered inappropriate and potentially rude/offensive doesn't change just because you're going to be the only one in a white dress that day.

Sure it's 2010.  Because of that, there's LESS of a reason to go against appropriate etiquette.  People have a myriad of ways of finding out where the couple is registered.  And if fielding a question or two about it is going to be that awful for you then don't invite so many people.


And PP, it's not a Texas thing.  DH and I were invited to a wedding in Dallas this year and there was no registry info.

sassy8179

@Mrs B... i will definitely agree that it has to do with different cultures/regions/groups of people... am realising that now that I think it's so normal but obviously other people don't think that way. I just can't wrap my head around why people would be offended by receiving that information in that manner, but again, that's just me (and some other people!)

That being said, @banana, it IS kalago's wedding, and she should do whatever makes her and her groom happy because it is THEIR day... if they feel comfortable with sending out that information, then that's their prerogative... You can't and won't be able to please all your invitees, but you can be in control of what's best for yourself, and if that method works for her, then so be it.

MyNameIsNot

I can't believe how many people are ok with this.

You do realize that including registries is asking for gifts, and is sending the message that they are all you really care about, right?

Most people are too polite to say it to your face, but asking for gifts like that makes you look like a greedy little pig.  Sure wouldn't be what I'd want my wedding to say about me.  

sassy8179

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-cards-engagement-invitations-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7bab51f2-a29f-4f26-9bac-ade7aba54fe8Post:97afc466-81a1-4a6d-9737-611343ee42a0">Re: Registry cards in engagement invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't believe how many people are ok with this. You do realize that including registries is asking for gifts, and is sending the message that they are all you really care about, right? Most people are too polite to say it to your face, but asking for gifts like that makes you look like a greedy little pig.  Sure wouldn't be what I'd want my wedding to say about me.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Wow, well if you think like that then you shouldn't create a registry to begin with, because that's still insinuating that you expect people to buy gifts AND telling them what to buy and are therefore a greedy <strong>and picky</strong> little pig.

banana468

[QUOTE]That being said, @banana, it IS kalago's wedding, and she should do whatever makes her and her groom happy because it is THEIR day... if they feel comfortable with sending out that information, then that's their prerogative... You can't and won't be able to please all your invitees, but you can be in control of what's best for yourself, and if that method works for her, then so be it.
[/QUOTE]

Except that it ISN'T just their day.  It's the day of anyone they choose to involve.  And as soon as they invite others or ask others to be a part of the festivities, it stops being about just what they want and they really need to take others into account.  And that means that you don't get to do just what you want to do because it's your wedding day.  It being your wedding day, birthday or any other special day is never a license to do rude things.

So to say, "We're doing this because it makes us happy," even if that something is knowingly rude, is rude.  And then you don't get a pass out of ignorance because you knew better and STILL opted to do the rude thing.  I could possibly see doing something that's against appropriate etiquette if you know that all your guests expect you to break that rule. 

However if you're choosing not to follow an etiquette rule only because YOU are happier as a result then you're missing the entire point of etiquette in the first place.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-cards-engagement-invitations-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7bab51f2-a29f-4f26-9bac-ade7aba54fe8Post:ab1f54b0-9c40-49ea-8b37-fcf188ba6ffa">Re: Registry cards in engagement invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Registry cards in engagement invitations? : Wow, well if you think like that then you shouldn't create a registry to begin with, because that's still insinuating that you expect people to buy gifts AND telling them what to buy and are therefore a greedy and picky little pig.
Posted by sassy8179[/QUOTE]

<div>Actually, it doesn't.  Because a registry is there for people to look at if they want to, or if they don't, they don't.  Putting it in their face sends the message that you expect a gift, and are only inviting them for the gift.  Making a registry, but only communicating about it to people who ask does not.  This is why you create a registry, but don't advertise it.  If people want to know, they'll ask.  </div><div>
</div><div>You may not like it, but the fact of the matter is that it is rude to ask for gifts, and it is rude to put registry information in the things you send out.  Most people understand how asking for gifts is wrong.  If you don't, I'm sorry.  But asking for gifts is just plain wrong. </div>

sassy8179

Dear Banana and MyNameisNot,

I believe the conclusion was made earlier, quite peacefully, that this particular piece of etiquette differs in different cultures, regions, area, groups, etc and what is acceptable for one group of people may not be for another group of people.

I think it is rude of YOU to call OTHER PEOPLE rude just because they do things differently to you.

I do not consider giving my guests information that may be helpful for them a rude thing to do. That's just me. You must also take into consideration that not all the guests in every wedding are friendly with the couple's family. I don't expect my college friend from Switzerland to call or scramble to find an email for my mother or MOH or auntie or whomever, to find out info I could very well have just given her up front.

I think the OP (sorry for somehow hijacking this thread) should do what is the norm in her area or with her group of friends.

The end.

Ps - I also think that putting your website on the invitations and then putting registry info on the website is the same as putting registry info in with the invitations, but with an extra step some people don't have time for.

banana468

Sassy,  I'm not saying that someone is rude if they choose to do something different than me.

What IS rude is knowing that what you're doing is against etiquette and then opting to go against that etiquette rule anyway.  I'll buy that etiquette can vary by country and maybe by culture - so if you're doing what isn't considered accepted by your culture because it makes your life easy then yes indeed, it's rude.  That's my point.

And to say that it's your wedding (as another PP did) and therefore it's OK to do what you want leaves out the idea of etiquette entirely.  And once you involve others, you NEED to keep etiquette in mind.  Again, that may be the etiquette of your culture, but if you opt not to follow the etiquette of your culture, you're breaking that etiquette rule and can therefore be doing something quite rude.

And now from the perspective of someone who finds broadcasting the information to be offensive, I'll find out where you're registered on my own.  I don't appreciate being told what you want for presents.  My husband and I will decide what to get you on our own.  To state registries in the wedding invitation or in the engagement party invitation makes it seem as if you're not looking for the pleasure of your friends and family's company - you're just looking for them to open their wallets.

kristinryan10

Honestly I think its more accepted to put the information with your invite as an extra insert. Every wedding I have ever gone to had them and it just makes things so much easier for your guests and for those that just put the website... so many older people don't even have a computer and they get really upset. And have to take so many extra steps to find out. I would never be offended by a bride and groom making it easier for everyone else. That is a very old tradition to not include your information and brides want to be modern! Most weddings now have people from all over and word of mouth does not really work. For our wedding we have people coming from 9 states and many we have not seen in about 10 years. So the thought of word of mouth with 300+ people makes me laugh!!  I say its your wedding so do what you want and if people don't like it or get offended over something so small then they don't have to come to your wedding!!

kristinryan10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-cards-engagement-invitations-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7bab51f2-a29f-4f26-9bac-ade7aba54fe8Post:0317a008-22a3-465a-afd3-efb833954629">Re: Registry cards in engagement invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been to and in about 10 weddings, and I've ALWAYS received an invitation with the little insert for where the couple is registered at, if it's not already printed on the invitation.   Is this a TX thing or a Hispanic thing?  I don't want to break etiquette rules, but I've ALWAYS seen it done?  (And never been offended)
Posted by anjellyca721@yahoo.com[/QUOTE]


I  AGREE!! people now get offended over dumb things. I say get over it.. And do what you want..

sweetypie_2728

AGREED! I'm sorry but if im putting a registry in my invites (which i am) then i dont care if people are offended...its my wedding! my fiance and i are having a honeymoon registry in with our wedding invitations and having a wishing well because we dont live in the same place we are getting married so traveling across the country with all the gifts would cost a fortune. bottom line...who cares if theres some kind of registry...the person can use it or not its up to them, but they certainly should not be offended!

longstobe

You know what? This is your wedding and your celebrations and you should do it YOUR way. I think some of these rules of ettiquette are ridiculous (and contradictory). If you want to include registry information (or any other information) with ANY invite, it's your prerogative and you should do it. If you don't, then don't. Anyone who takes offense to what you do probably shouldn't be there in the first place.

But that's just my opinion.

themanda215

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-cards-engagement-invitations-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7bab51f2-a29f-4f26-9bac-ade7aba54fe8Post:a9edd382-6b0a-4702-9835-e9e16e214bd8">Re: Registry cards in engagement invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]Dear Banana and MyNameisNot, I believe the conclusion was made earlier, quite peacefully, that this particular piece of etiquette differs in different cultures, regions, area, groups, etc and what is acceptable for one group of people may not be for another group of people. I think it is rude of YOU to call OTHER PEOPLE rude just because they do things differently to you. I do not consider giving my guests information that may be helpful for them a rude thing to do. That's just me. You must also take into consideration that not all the guests in every wedding are friendly with the couple's family. I don't expect my college friend from Switzerland to call or scramble to find an email for my mother or MOH or auntie or whomever, to find out info I could very well have just given her up front. I think the OP (sorry for somehow hijacking this thread) should do what is the norm in her area or with her group of friends. The end. Ps - I also think that putting your website on the invitations and then putting registry info on the website is the same as putting registry info in with the invitations, but with an extra step some people don't have time for.
Posted by sassy8179[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with you! So many people dance around this advertising your registry thing. You have a registry. You probably want some of the items you picked out. It's not like you're going to kick people out of your wedding for not buying the right thing! Most people would rather buy something the couple wants than have to ask around to figure out where they're registered. It's 2010 and so many people are living and breathing by etiquette cooked up by a woman (Emily Post) who died in 1960!! So much has changed technologically since then and I just don't see why registries are supposed to essentially be kept a secret. I've never been offended by finding registry info. In fact, I find it helpful. I included registry info with the invitations to our reception (we eloped) and have actually had others tell me that was helpful too. Not everyone wants/has/or has time for a wedding website. I'm so happy to see someone else out there have an opinion that differs from all this antiquated etiquette!

banana468

Etiquette isn't antiquated.  Times are changing but how to treat people hasn't.

squirrly

All, I agree entirely with Banana, MrsB, and MyNameIsNot. 

Registry information does not belong in the invitations.  Period.  Just because people in your group or culture have done it doesn't mean you should continue to be rude along side them.

If your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do it too? 

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-cards-engagement-invitations-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7bab51f2-a29f-4f26-9bac-ade7aba54fe8Post:94b9ae44-d442-4ca3-843f-22b6c628c5cd">Re: Registry cards in engagement invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]All, I agree entirely with Banana, MrsB, and MyNameIsNot.  Registry information does not belong in the invitations.  Period.  Just because people in your group or culture have done it doesn't mean you should continue to be rude along side them.<strong> If your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?</strong> 
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

If you're a lemming. ;-)

sassy8179

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-cards-engagement-invitations-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7bab51f2-a29f-4f26-9bac-ade7aba54fe8Post:94b9ae44-d442-4ca3-843f-22b6c628c5cd">Re: Registry cards in engagement invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]All, I agree entirely with Banana, MrsB, and MyNameIsNot.  Registry information does not belong in the invitations.  Period.  Just because people in your group or culture have done it doesn't mean you should continue to be rude along side them. <strong>If your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do it too</strong>? 
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

I hope you realise the irony in you (a person who does things because other people said you should do it that way) asking that question.

sassy8179

Mrs. B,
I like you, I really do. I find it very difficult to look at those pictures of your beautiful baby girl and then disagree with you.

However, I have to say that the logic of the lemming/jumping off the cliff comment coupled with the statement that you're just a messenger is off and, frankly, hypocritcal.

And don't get me wrong, I am not an etiquette rebel by any means... i follow many rules. But this is one that I find ridiculous and I just don't agree with. I just think that it is acceptable and totally unoffensive in some circles and people should accept that and not be disrespectful to others who think it's OK (not talking about you but people in general).

For example, i personally don't agree with the honeymoon registry, but I understand that is is acceptable for other people and that it simply IS done by other people. If I don't feel comfortable contributing to someone's trip, then I will buy them a toaster.

So, to answer your question, Liz, I am not sure specifically how to do it but I came across a couple sites... I am sure if you google it you will find some good sites, or even through the knot... and I would put that info on your website, if you have one.

bitofrits

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-cards-engagement-invitations-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7bab51f2-a29f-4f26-9bac-ade7aba54fe8Post:a831ef72-b370-4c5a-996a-52ac6afdfb73">Re: Registry cards in engagement invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Registry cards in engagement invitations? : I wonder about that sometimes too :-) There's always been gifts at any engagement party I've ever attended in Phllly or NY -- and they're typically registry gifts. But I would still never include any registry info in any invitation (including a shower invitation).
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

Basically exactly what I was going to say.  I just got a shower invitation with 2 registry cards in it (not hosted byteh bride) and I was a little turned off.  I'm planning on just having my registry up and running before my shower/engagement party/etc and have people pointed to the website. It also helps that my wedding is 2 years off so it'll be some time before either of those parties happen.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-cards-engagement-invitations-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7bab51f2-a29f-4f26-9bac-ade7aba54fe8Post:200eb38d-c1e0-48f2-b1a0-950a9f4928fc">Re: Registry cards in engagement invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Registry cards in engagement invitations? : I hope you realise the irony in you (a person who does things because other people said you should do it that way) asking that question.
Posted by sassy8179[/QUOTE]

No irony.  Would you do something stupid because somebody else did it?  That's what the jumping off the cliff would be.  Would you educate yourself on how to do it the right way?  That's what the OP should do - take our advice, or check other etiquette sources for info.  Emily Post, Crane's, and Miss Maners all agree with us on this one.

Sassy - here's the thing.  Some people may not be offended by it.  Some people will be.  No one would be offended by NOT getting the registry card.  Go with the option that doesn't offend anyone.  Are you going to have an argument with your offended guests over the logic of them taking offense?  I hope not, because that would also be rude.  So just play it safe, and go with what is known to be offense-free. 

brookelynpaisley

Here's a thought, brides. Don't take the etiquette advice of someone with like 10 posts over the advice of people who have been married and posting on this board for a long time. That's like taking the medical advice of someone who watched Dr. Dolittle. We DO know what we're talking about. Whether you like it or not is your choice, but you came on an etiquette board seeking etiquette advice and we're giving it to you.

EDIT: spelling correction. Duh, Brooke.