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Who's Responsibility is it?

So, Ive planned wedding before and Ive researched and read and all kindsa things and have seen that brides are approximately responsible for 75-80% of the wedding costs now a days.

Settle a debate with a friend of mine...

He says, that if someone that the groom wants to come (and is out of state)  (i.e. close family/friends/wedding party) AND cant get to the wedding, (for whatever financial reasons)  that the bride and groom are responsible (and required) to pay for them to get there if they want them there...

I say that its the persons responsibility... and if they cant get there, then unfortunately, they cant and yes, it sucks but its reality in this day, age and economy...

What say you?

Re: Who's Responsibility is it?

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    I say that brides are responsible for 100% of their wedding cost (alongside the groom of course) they're adults and can pay for their own party.

    I also say going along the lines of being an adult, if an out of town person wants to attend they wedding they can pay for that themselves.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whos-responsibility?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7c02208d-61c3-404a-8843-36ccfd1d1884Post:eb2cff7f-4cea-4597-8288-55684ddd5339">Who's Responsibility is it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, Ive planned wedding before and Ive researched and read and all kindsa things and have seen that brides are approximately responsible for 75-80% of the wedding costs now a days. Settle a debate with a friend of mine... He says, that if someone that the groom wants to come (and is out of state)  (i.e. close family/friends/wedding party) AND cant get to the wedding, (for whatever financial reasons)  that the bride and groom are responsible (and required) to pay for them to get there if they want them there... I say that its the persons responsibility... and if they cant get there, then unfortunately, they cant and yes, it sucks but its reality in this day, age and economy... What say you?
    Posted by BeautyByApril[/QUOTE]

    The reponsibility for wedding costs is 100% on the bride and groom. If, say, your parents offer to help pay, that's a gift. It's not required or a right.

    And yes, you are correct about guests. Again, if you can afford to pay their way, great, what a lovely gift, but again, it isn't your responsibility. It's an invitation, not a subpoena.
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    Well if  we want to see my MIL then we have to either (1) pay for us to come to her or (2) pay for her to come to us.

    She does not have a lot of money and being able to see her is important to us so it's just the way it is.

    If feel the same way about this question.  If having that person at the wedding is important to you/him then you have to suck it up and pay if they can't afford to come one their own.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    Brides and grooms are responsible for 100% of the cost of their wedding unless soneone offers to contribute to a portion or all of the costs. In my book old enough to get married = old enough to pay for it yourself.

    Guests are responsible for paying their own way to get to the wedding. They should be adult enough to be able to examine their finances and decide if they're able to attend.

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    If they're just a guest then the guest is responsible for getting there and for his own accommodations.

    IF the person has been asked to be in the wedding then technically the B&G are supposed to be responsible for his accommodations (not transportation costs).  However those accommodations are within the budget of the B&G which can mean an air mattress on a living room floor and not a hotel suite.

    However, I don't know many people who actually provide accommodations for their BP anyway.
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    I don't think it's required, by any means, but if someone you love can't attend due to finances and you have the means to help, then I don't know why a person wouldn't offer.  We bought my grandma's plane ticket - no way was I getting married without her there, but there was also no way she could afford the ticket.
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    To the first statement:  most couples (bride and groom) these days pay for 100% of their own wedding.

    As for your debate:  While it is nice when the B&G can help with travel costs, it is NEVER required.  I can understand using that arguement if say, the B&G wanted them there, the guest couldn't afford to travel, so the B&G got pissed off that they didn't come (which would be utterly ridiculous of the B&G) that if you really wanted them there that bad, they could have paid for it, but that's only if they act like brats about someone not coming.  If a close guest just couldn't swing the finances to attend, then the B&G should be understanding and leave it at that.
    Anniversary
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    So lemme read between the lines here:

    I surmise that you invited Friend to wedding and Friend is insisting that it is your responsibility to pay for his airfare, hotel room and rental car?

    If, for instance, you are a multi-billionaire throwing a wedding with an unlimited budget and your friend is a starving grad student: you'd be kind of rude not to pay.

    If you are like the rest of us, and have limited funds: It is not your responsibility in any way shape or form to pay for your guest's travel.
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    Thank you everyone. I appreciate the many answers.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whos-responsibility?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7c02208d-61c3-404a-8843-36ccfd1d1884Post:6b40e793-6618-41a0-9b25-f43f6847dcf3">Re: Who's Responsibility is it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Who's Responsibility is it? : I say your friend is being cheap.  Is he invited?  It is on the guest to find a way to get to the wedding. 
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    I agree...
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    [QUOTE]In Response to Who's Responsibility is it? : I say your friend is being cheap.  Is he invited?  It is on the guest to find a way to get to the wedding. 
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    Ditto...It would be a very nice gift to help pay for a guest to be there, but in no way are you *required* to financially help them out. I think it's important to be accomodating (getting hotel rooms blocked, providing clear directions and travel info, etc) but it's up to you guys if you want to provide more for guests.
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    Well , if you're like me, your still young and your parents still help you out a lot. My parents are paying for almost all of my wedding. I don't see a problem with that. I'm 21 and this will be sorta a last thing they give to be type deal before i'm totally on my own. i am contributing to the wedding, but most of the fiancial resposibility is with my parents.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whos-responsibility?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7c02208d-61c3-404a-8843-36ccfd1d1884Post:acd0b671-8e69-4b5f-833e-815f039cbf62">Re: Who's Responsibility is it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto...It would be a very nice gift to help pay for a guest to be there, but in no way are you *required* to financially help them out. <strong>I think it's important to be accomodating (getting hotel rooms blocked, providing clear directions and travel info, etc) but it's up to you guys if you want to provide more for guests.</strong>
    Posted by Jaridds68[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thats actually what I told him, that the B&G *can* block the rooms but even that isnt required of them....He swears up and down that if the B&G want someone there that THEY should be the ones to make sure that that party gets there...</div><div>
    </div><div>I am in noway a millionaire and have been invited to many weddings myself and I was always able to get myself to them......My best friend is in West Virginia and if she gets married anytime soon, I wont be able to go because I cant afford it. I wouldnt expect HER to pay for me to come down there for it....</div><div>
    </div><div>I think hes being completely ridiculous and told him that we just have to agree to disagree and changed the subject.......though I know once the invites go out, I know who Im not inviting. ;)</div>
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    BeautyByAprilBeautyByApril member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whos-responsibility?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7c02208d-61c3-404a-8843-36ccfd1d1884Post:54a07980-c1fd-48ae-acb5-90bd41e06f83">Re: Who's Responsibility is it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well , if you're like me, your still young and your parents still help you out a lot. My parents are paying for almost all of my wedding. I don't see a problem with that. I'm 21 and this will be sorta a last thing they give to be type deal before i'm totally on my own. i am contributing to the wedding, but most of the fiancial resposibility is with my parents.
    Posted by LindzMarie19[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Im actually 35 and own my own business and have been living on my own since I was 16...Ive gotten married three times (first divorce, second death and third divorce due to abuse) and NONE of those times did anyone helps us.......then again, the first and third times it was JoP.....funny how i got married JoP the first and third times and they both ended in divorce.....i wonder if theres a correlation???</div><div>
    </div><div>Thats great though that your parents are helping you and that tradition has gone by the wayside since so many couple are able to financially take care of it themselves now a days and so much goes into the parents wanting to help....</div><div>
    </div><div>I wouldnt want any financial help from anyone with my wedding because then they would think they have a say so over wedding planning (Ive seen it happen maaaaaaannny times with weddings Ive been involved with and have gone to) and Im just way to controlling to let anyone help me plan....even with the parties Ive planned, Ive never delagated to anyone...LOL</div><div>
    </div><div>but thats another thread....</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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