Friend not in bridal party--what to say??

spartybride3

Hi everyone-
I posted on this board (I think) about this awhile ago ("How to say you're not in the wedding"), but a friend of mine from HS is not going to be in our bridal party when other friends from HS are. We have grown apart over the last couple years and besides after getting engaged, I don't know the last time I really talked to her besides the occasional text about our college football team this fall. Also, my fiance does not like her and does not want her in the wedding. I am getting slack from one of my BM about it, but I just don't feel like we are that close anymore and if I did put her in the wedding, I would mainly be doing it because I feel bad and I don't want to hurt her feelings and not because she is an important person in my life like my other BM are.
I haven't said anything to her yet, but she has slightly increased her communication with me since we got engaged and has asked my other BM if they were in the wedding (They have all said they don't know who's in the wedding). People on my previous post that were excluded from a wedding party said they would have appreciated the bride saying something to them. The problem is, I don't know what to say and my fiance says I need to say nothing. 
Our save the dates are going out next week with the wedding website and on the website it will say the bridal party. I feel like it is a slap in the face for her to go on and see that she is not a BM and that her feelings will be really hurt. My fiance said she could have a smaller role in the wedding, but I feel like its just giving her a crappy job to do. We thought about a reading, but we would prefer our godmothers do that.  
I feel like I owe her something, but I just don't know what to say and how to say it. She is a sensitive person and I know she will be hurt. 
thanks in advance! 

lenergyrlah

I wouldn't bring it up at all.  If she specifically asks you, tell her that you've already chosen your bridal party.

Why are your other bridesmaids saying "I don't know"?  Was this before you asked them?  She probably doesn't think you've decided yet so she still has a shot.  It would be better if your bridesmaids told her, yes I am in the bridal party.  She'll figure that out sooner or later anyway.

trixie549

As someone who was recently excluded from a friend's bridal party (when several other mutual friends were asked to be bridesmaids), I can say that it would have been a bigger slap in the face to be assigned a bullsh!t job like the guestbook attendant than to simply not be a bridesmaid.

My friend never explained this situation or the reasons behind the decision (in fact, I found out from another friend/bridesmaid), but I certainly don't think she owed that to me- that would have been an extremely awkward conversation ("so, you're not important enough to be a bridesmaid...").

Don't feel like you need to explain anything, but consider limiting the amount of wedding talk you have with her.

That Gal

I love what all the PP have said.  My FSIL started a huge thing with me a few months ago about how it was horrible of my to not tell her that she would NOT be a BM for our wedding.  I don't owe her anything, you don't either.  Just be courteous as usual.  Don't feel guilty.