XP Donations

lifeonthehill

I also posted this on the favors board.

I know some people are hit and miss with this but we would really love to do it. We planon having a sign near the card box/on the guestbook table.

We want to donate a few dollars to our local humane society becasue we both have strong ties to the organization and to our pets.

How would you word it without it sounding snotty?

Summer2011Bride

I wouldn't word anything or put a sign up. If you are passionate about the local humane society, I don't understand why you guys can't just make a donation to them separate from your wedding?

lifeonthehill

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-donations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d1aa5d3-6d69-4330-aabb-87c0ff946901Post:59a5163f-8100-4ecf-bd97-6b1794c04cc8">Re: XP Donations</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't word anything or put a sign up. If you are passionate about the local humane society, I don't understand why you guys can't just make a donation to them separate from your wedding?
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

We donate to the on a regular basis but would love to take our optional favor money and put it to something that has mening.

Summer2011Bride

I would just take the money you would have spent on favors and donate it then. I guess it's just a peeve of mine. It seems really AW to boast about how you spent money donating to a charity when that isn't the point of donating in the first place, KWIM? They are getting the money one way or another, whether you tell people or not. Favors aren't required so no one will judge you for not having them or ask why they aren't there. I would quietly donate on the side and leave it as such.

Loopyseven

I'd just make your donation and move on.  

lifeonthehill

Stagemanager14 I Cant seem to find your comment on the thread.

As for the rest this is what FI and I want to do and we are only looking for help with the wording. Thank you for the advice though.

mlg78

The one I'm doing says, "Megan & Ronnie have made a donation to the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network in memory of Megan's father who lost his battle 15 years ago. Thank you so much for being a part of our special day!"

I know that the point of view on this website is negative in terms of this.  I do a great deal of volunteer work for this organization and one of the huge parts of the mission statement is in regards to awareness so making individuals aware of what is still a fairly new organization is important to me.  It also doesn't hurt that the pancreatic cancer awareness color is purple which happens to also be the color for my wedding. Bonus

mlg78

Here's the sticky that Stage mentioned.  I really considered the points that both side made and I did my best to follow her "rules"  

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_thinking-of-making-donation-read-this-first

lifeonthehill

Thank you so much mlg. I am thankful you showed me that sticky.

I like your wording. It makes it look like it really means something to you with out it making it seem like you did it FOR them. Thank you again!

QueerFemme

Make the donation with the money you were planning on spending, and move on. You don't have to word anything or tell people that you did it. They won't miss the favors and the shelter will appreciate the money.   There are very few ways to word this that doesn't make you look like you are trying to get a pat on the back and told what good people you are.

Summer2011Bride

What's you end goal with the sign? What do you hope to accomplish with it?

lifeonthehill

Again this is something FI and I want to do and we were looking for wording suggestions.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-donations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d1aa5d3-6d69-4330-aabb-87c0ff946901Post:5a8a95bc-2ebf-4cf4-8722-23da4ddbd54d">Re: XP Donations</a>:
[QUOTE]What's you end goal with the sign? What do you hope to accomplish with it?
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]



This. Why can't you just donate? Why do you have to announce that you did it? Just do it and make a FB status about it if you must announce your good deed. I don't see the point of announcing it at your wedding.

lifeonthehill

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-donations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d1aa5d3-6d69-4330-aabb-87c0ff946901Post:d4be1588-8c05-45d3-b75e-9c499391c7d3">Re:XP Donations</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't do this. It's not a 'favor' to your guests. And it doesn't do anything to promote your chosen cause, it'll only anger those opposed to it. Your wedding is not the place to publicly display your philanthropic priorities.
Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]
 Okay I understand not bragging but really I have not invited anyone to my wedding who will be "angered" by a donation to a humane society for animals. Thank you though.

lifeonthehill

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-donations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d1aa5d3-6d69-4330-aabb-87c0ff946901Post:7e9c5d42-a642-4347-b490-fe744c997bfa">Re:XP Donations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:XP Donations: No problem. I know that a lot of people here AND in real life aren't fans, so we tried to listen to all of the issues people generally had and adjust our approach accordingly. I'm sure some still didn't care for it, but we got a lot of compliments on HOW we did it. Taking the favors out of the equation and not putting signs on every table/place setting goes a long way to making it more palatable for guests.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I agree the one small sign at the guestbook table will be more than enough for us. I wouldn't even want to waste any money on individual place cards! Haha. Thank you for being so helpful.

lifeonthehill

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-donations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d1aa5d3-6d69-4330-aabb-87c0ff946901Post:56539522-23ae-4dbd-9326-71ff2d608699">Re:XP Donations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:XP Donations: How do you know? Have you asked every one of your guests? I know it's something I would be angry about.
Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]
 Small wedding. I know my guests. Thank you for your concern with this. However now I am interested in your anger with Humane societys....

QueerFemme

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-donations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d1aa5d3-6d69-4330-aabb-87c0ff946901Post:a702181c-f41c-4004-8826-6c214621ea26">Re:XP Donations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:XP Donations :  Small wedding. I know my guests. Thank you for your concern with this. However now I am interested in your anger with Humane societys....
Posted by alyssaames[/QUOTE]

I donate to animal rescues all over the country.  I am a HUGE HUGE HUGE dog person. And you know what irritates the crap out of me?  When national organizations don't support the actual ANIMALS.  I know money needs to go to lobbying, etc., but when more of my dollars go to administrative duties rather than direct services, I don't want my money going there.

That's the thing about donations.  You will never ever know if someone has a specific problem with a certain organization. My sister had breast cancer and had a double mastectomy.  I wouldn't give a nickle to the Komen Foundation.  You just never know about people's past experiences.</div>

WalkersFurMama

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-donations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d1aa5d3-6d69-4330-aabb-87c0ff946901Post:56539522-23ae-4dbd-9326-71ff2d608699">Re:XP Donations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:XP Donations: How do you know? Have you asked every one of your guests? I know it's something I would be angry about.
Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]

<div>The Humane Society angers you? Is it the kittens or the puppies they are saving that make you the most upset? Maybe it's the animals they save from abuse and neglect. </div><div>
</div><div>I think OP wants to raise awareness for the charity more than AW herself and their good deed. A little sign may not raise a ton of awareness, but if it even sparks the interest of even one or two more people who volunteer or donate, it's served it's purpose. </div><div>
</div><div>OP, I like the wording suggested above. I would think favorably of a couple who choose to put wedding money, that might have otherwise been spent frivolously, towards such a wonderful cause. </div>

lifeonthehill

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-donations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d1aa5d3-6d69-4330-aabb-87c0ff946901Post:5df70635-7b3f-4762-9706-cd81b09e953c">Re:XP Donations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:XP Donations : I donate to animal rescues all over the country.  I am a HUGE HUGE HUGE dog person. And you know what irritates the crap out of me?  When national organizations don't support the actual ANIMALS.  I know money needs to go to lobbying, etc., but when more of my dollars go to administrative duties rather than direct services, I don't want my money going there. That's the thing about donations.  You will never ever know if someone has a specific problem with a certain organization. My sister had breast cancer and had a double mastectomy.  I wouldn't give a nickle to the Komen Foundation.  You just never know about people's past experiences.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

Fortunately I have grown up incredibly close to this locally run organazation. Noting national here. I have been donating for years and have adopted all of my own pets from this shelter. I love what they are doing, trust where the money goes, and I am incredibly proud of them!

I know what you mean about the national organizations and I am so thankful I found a good place to donate to.

lifeonthehill

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-donations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d1aa5d3-6d69-4330-aabb-87c0ff946901Post:f687243a-3bc4-46a5-aa37-331a554fa933">Re:XP Donations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:XP Donations : The Human Society angers you? <strong>Is it the kittens or the puppies they are saving that make you the most upset?</strong> Maybe it's the animals they save from abuse and neglect.  I think OP wants to raise awareness for the charity more than AW herself and their good deed. A little sign may not raise a ton of awareness, but if it even sparks the interest of even one or two more people who volunteer or donate, it's served it's purpose.  OP, I like the wording suggested above. I would think favorably of a couple who choose to put wedding money, that might have otherwise been spent frivolously, towards such a wonderful cause. 
Posted by WalkersFurMama[/QUOTE]

The bolded made me chuckle. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue Out" title="Tongue Out" /> You basically answered PP questions about why we want to use some sort of sign. Thank you for that.

QueerFemme

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-donations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d1aa5d3-6d69-4330-aabb-87c0ff946901Post:2657885d-19d5-42b1-b566-6497db4143a2">Re:XP Donations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:XP Donations : Fortunately I have grown up incredibly close to this locally run organazation. Noting national here. I have been donating for years and have adopted all of my own pets from this shelter. I love what they are doing, trust where the money goes, and I am incredibly proud of them! I know what you mean about the national organizations and I am so thankful I found a good place to donate to.
Posted by alyssaames[/QUOTE]

Even if it's a local organization, I think you are missing the point. You have no idea if someone or someone's coworker had a horrible experience with that rescue.  What if they went to adopt a dog and the dog ended up sick or bit their kid. And they blame the rescue for not properly vet checking or kid testing the dog, etc. etc. etc.

The point is, even with a small guest list, it is absolutely impossible to know every single guests experience with the organization that you want to donate to. 

Clearly, you have decided that you are going to do this.  But, realize that no matter how much you think you know your guests, there is a very good chance that some people WILL roll their eyes and think you are being ridiculously AWish and other people may have issues with your choice of donations.  There is no way around that unless you took a poll of every single guest. And even then, your family and friends won't want to hurt your feelings, so they probably wouldn't say anything.</div>

Summer2011Bride

Why won't you answer my questions? They are very legit questions. What do you hope to accomplish with the signs? You seem very passionate about doing the signs, so you obviously must have a good reason for doing them. What is it?

lifeonthehill

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-donations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d1aa5d3-6d69-4330-aabb-87c0ff946901Post:aa586750-569a-4da4-b896-f6caf0d55625">Re:XP Donations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:XP Donations: I think helping people, especially children, in need is far more important than stray dogs and cats. To me, human suffering should trump animal shelters. It's fine that that's what you choose to support, but you should do it silently.
Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]

I do my part with local food banks among other things such as involvement with foster care as well. However FI and I have a passion for animals and will be donating to them. If smeone wants to be outwardly angry about that I would welcome them to leave. Not to mention people we know will see it as another passion we share not us ignoring human suffering.

hoffse

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-donations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d1aa5d3-6d69-4330-aabb-87c0ff946901Post:5df70635-7b3f-4762-9706-cd81b09e953c">Re:XP Donations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:XP Donations : I donate to animal rescues all over the country.  I am a HUGE HUGE HUGE dog person. And you know what irritates the crap out of me?  When national organizations don't support the actual ANIMALS.  I know money needs to go to lobbying, etc., but when more of my dollars go to administrative duties rather than direct services, I don't want my money going there. That's the thing about donations.  You will never ever know if someone has a specific problem with a certain organization. My sister had breast cancer and had a double mastectomy.  I wouldn't give a nickle to the Komen Foundation.  You just never know about people's past experiences.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is why I dislike advertising charities at weddings.  I am the same way - I will volunteer at the humane society, and I will donate food, blankets, etc.  But I will not donate money to them because they favor admin costs too heavily for my taste.  I mean, one of the humane societies in my area built a $400K state of the art barn for 1 horse.  In the three years it's been active they have rescued 3 other horses.  So that's $100k per horse.  It's a great barn, but really?</div><div>
</div><div>I don't donate money to any organization that spends less than 90% of their funds on the stated mission.  I wouldn't necessarily be offended, but frankly I would roll my eyes because I wouldn't give them money, and it would come across as bragging to me.  I would rethink this.

</div>

lifeonthehill

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-donations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d1aa5d3-6d69-4330-aabb-87c0ff946901Post:e42b6276-87dc-4276-8273-2a2eef46830e">Re: XP Donations</a>:
[QUOTE]Why won't you answer my questions? They are very legit questions. What do you hope to accomplish with the signs? You seem very passionate about doing the signs, so you obviously must have a good reason for doing them. What is it?
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

I didn't really see a point in answeing your question since you had nothing to contribute to mine but seeing as you are stalking this post demanding an answer I suppose I will.
I think giving any face to this cause is great. I don't plan to plaster my wedidng but I plan to have a sign despite everyone elses opinions.

lyndausvi

I'm one of those who eye-rolls stuff like this.  I find them very AWish.  I doubt they really make guests more aware of the actual charity.   I'm sure your family/friends are already aware that you connection to the charity anyway.

lifeonthehill

If they are already aware then it wont be viewed as AWish and there will be no problem with our sign.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-donations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d1aa5d3-6d69-4330-aabb-87c0ff946901Post:ff82f8fa-6fa4-40a3-8140-07b02b535c1a">Re: XP Donations</a>:
[QUOTE]If they are already aware then it wont be viewed as AWish and there will be no problem with our sign.
Posted by alyssaames[/QUOTE]

You said you are doing the sign for awareness.   If they are your family and friends they more than likely already know your connections to the charity.  So to me, the only point of of the sign is to tell people how awesome you are that you are donating money. 

Why stop at weddings?  At my next xmas party I going to have a sign that tells everyone I donated time at the local bulldog rescue.  Then at my Superbowl party I will put out a sign I'm donating money to another charity.     Hey, why don't I just put little signs on the plates at my next dinner party?   

lilphillips14

I think you should word it like this:

"X and X highly recommend/are very passionate about (insert local organization here.) If you would like to donate or volunteer, please contact/go to (insert website/address/etc here). Thank you very much for coming and sharing our special day. Enjoy!"

That way you're not talking about how you donated, but you're giving your favored organization the recognition you would like to give. Just make a small sign and place it on your guestbook table. This way it might look more like it's something you and your FI share more than being an AW. 

Just my two cents.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-donations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d1aa5d3-6d69-4330-aabb-87c0ff946901Post:5f9c8fe4-5a11-40bd-8c08-0f3a76a43e3c">Re: XP Donations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: XP Donations : You said you are doing the sign for awareness.   If they are your family and friends they more than likely already know your connections to the charity.  So to me, the only point of of the sign is to tell people how awesome you are that you are donating money.  Why stop at weddings?  At my next xmas party I going to have a sign that tells everyone I donated time at the local bulldog rescue.  Then at my Superbowl party I will put out a sign I'm donating money to another charity.     Hey, why don't I just put little signs on the plates at my next dinner party?   
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'm with you Lynda. Putting up a sign is basically just saying "LOOK WHAT WE DID." I also donate, but I don't walk around saying "I gave a lot of money to such-and-such." Because money matters, to most, are private.</div><div>
</div><div>And. Don't get me started on some of these "humane societies" and how they spend their money. Maybe the OPs is legit. But some are not. And a wedding has nothing to do with this. 

</div>

Jen4948

If you really want to donate, then donate.

But putting up a sign or otherwise making a big issue at your wedding of the fact that you support such and such cause isn't necessarily going to inspire people to donate or volunteer.  They already have their own causes.

Also, awareness-raising is not why your guests accepted your invitation, and they may feel ambushed or baited-and-switched if you make publicizing the cause a big part of your event.  The "nudge" to donate may alienate people not only from the cause but from you.

So I would advise you to by all means make the donation-but keep it to yourself.