Wedding Etiquette Forum

Verbal invite, does this count?

Hi ladies,

I'm not sure where to post this but I have a bit of an issue with an ex co-worker who I was close with when she worked with me. When I got engaged I talked to her and said I would invite her. Fast forward to now, I have not spoken to her. There was some drama at work when she left. I found out recently from my other co-worker presently that it has been hard for her to move on and difficult to see me and those that she worked with.

Many of the people from my work that I am inviting are close to me and we socialize outside the workplace. She hasn't reached out to me at all and mind you I haven't either because she has just been childish about her leaving and feeling that she had been replaced by another co-worker when that's not the case. 

Anyways back in August I told her that I would invite her and obviously I had no clue that our relationship would change. I know that is my fault for inviting her so early. I will likely sit her with work people because that is who she knows if I were to extend an invitation. However, she has apparently said to another worker that she feels uncomfortable around us (I know, work gossip). At this moment, I am thinking twice whether to still giver her an invitation. I feel like we have lost out of touch. I know she might be hurt if I don't invite her and I would feel really bad about that. At the same time, I don't want to invite someone because I feel bad. I don't know, does this make sense? 

My mother is throwing me a shower in June so I need to figure out if an invite should be sent to her therefore extending an invite to the wedding. Thoughts?  

Re: Verbal invite, does this count?

  • She should still be invited to the wedding, but you don't have to invite her to the shower.
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  • Invite her to the wedding and let her decide how she feels. She may very well, decline, but the gesture is there. You did already extend an invite, which, etiquette wise, means she's invited. You don't need to ask her to the shower.
  • You said you would invite her, so to be correct in etiquette land you really should send her a wedding invitation.

    I don't think you have to invite her to the shower though. The rule there is that everyone who's invited to the shower needs to get a wedding invite, not the other way around.
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    Anniversary
  • Invite her to the wedding, not the shower.  If she's uncomfortable around you all, she probably won't come.
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  • I wouldn't invite her to the shower if you haven't talked since she left your office.  How long ago was that?  I'd feel like it was a gift grab if I were her.  But if you told her she'd be invited, you should probably still invite her.   Sit her with the other work people.  Where else would she sit?  She will probably decline the invite.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_verbal-invite-this-count?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7dac2130-2ddd-4391-9af8-aba0115fe0a8Post:bc128d46-f36d-461f-a59f-e22a0da91a84">Re: Verbal invite, does this count?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wouldn't invite her to the shower if you haven't talked since she left your office.  How long ago was that?  I'd feel like it was a gift grab if I were her.  But if you told her she'd be invited, you should probably still invite her.   Sit her with the other work people.  Where else would she sit?  She will probably decline the invite.
    Posted by noodle_oo[/QUOTE]
     I haven't talked to her since August of last year.  I am not concerned about gifts or anything but any women who are invited to the wedding will be invited to the shower. This is what i know from my mom and FMIL.  <div>
    </div><div>I know I don't have to invite her to the shower. I just feel like I don't want to deal with drama. Another co-worker I am close with is going to be invited and I know she is not exactly fond of her. This girl is just negative. Everytime I see her facebook status, it's always about how her life is awful. </div><div>
    </div><div>I think I might just give her an invite to the wedding and see if she comes. </div>
  • If you haven't talked to her in almost a year, I doubt she's holding her breath to get an invite to anything.
  • I would invite her because you said you would. But if she feels so uncomfortable around everyone I would susect she will decline.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    244 Invited image 43 Attending image 5 Declined image Waiting on 198 image
    RSVP Date October 3, 2011
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