What do you do when a guest adds additional names on their response card?

mburkedesigns

My wedding is only 33 days away and we are getting in the last of the response cards and we're pretty close to the max number of guests for our budget. Then I got my cousin's response card. He was invited, along with his two daughters who are actually closer to my age and grew up with me. He responded that all 3 of them would be coming, but then added on his new girlfriend (who I met once, for 5 minutes at my grandmother's funeral) AND her two kids who I have never met. I don't want to be rude but he also did this a few years ago to my other cousin (with a different girlfriend) and he put her in the family photo and ruined that for my aunt. My mother is freaking out and doesnt want another family photo ruined by one of my cousin's random girlfriend and her kids. What do I do?!? Help!

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-adds-additional-names-their-response-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7dbb2d1e-c263-4fbc-a16e-7c83105be223Post:705f3871-1b6c-4a4c-9192-3fc47991e6fb">What do you do when a guest adds additional names on their response card?</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding is only 33 days away and we are getting in the last of the response cards and we're pretty close to the max number of guests for our budget. Then I got my cousin's response card. He was invited, along with his two daughters who are actually closer to my age and grew up with me. He responded that all 3 of them would be coming, but then added on his new girlfriend (who I met once, for 5 minutes at my grandmother's funeral) AND her two kids who I have never met. I don't want to be rude but he also did this a few years ago to my other cousin (with a different girlfriend) and he put her in the family photo and ruined that for my aunt. My mother is freaking out and doesnt want another family photo ruined by one of my cousin's random girlfriend and her kids. What do I do?!? Help!
Posted by mburkedesigns[/QUOTE]


His GF should have been invited in the first place.  They were wrong to add on the kids (well, adding her on too but it would be nice to include her since they are in a relationship).  Call him and tell him you can't accommodate HER kids. If he threatens not to come say, "We'll miss you".

baystateapple

You should have included his gf on the original invite.  They are a couple and it is rude to split up a social unit.

It is rude of them, however, to add on extra kids.  You can call them up and politely inform them that the invitation was only for him and her, and not the kids.  But you can't split up a social unit.

janinekk

Yikes, that's a tough one. People are so inconsiderate and rude ....... You will probably need to call him and tell him you received the RSVP card but unfortunately the invitation is for him and his kids only. Is there someone else in the family that may be able to talk to him about this - maybe your mom or someone?

jessicabessica

Ditto Mrs.B.  You need to accomodate the girlfriend, but you can tell your cousin that you don't have space for the extra kids.  As for the photo, just have the girlfriend not be in it (won't you have a photographer or family member directing who goes in one shot?) or take one picture with, and one without. 

jerseydevil

Agree with previous posters. Let his gf slide because you should have invited her to begin with (they are a social unit and it doesn't matter that you've barely met her), but put your foot down regarding her kids. That was very rude of them and he should have called you about that before just adding them to the RSVP.

janinekk

IDK guys - was he with this girl when you sent out invites or did they start dating after? If she's just a "random" girl, then I would say she shouldn't be invited. If however, they've been together for a while, I would agree she should've been invited from the start. My future BIL doesn't have a steady g/f - he dates different people all the time so he will not be getting a "plus one" for my wedding. If he gets serious with someone between now and the wedding, then I would probably tell him it's okay to bring her.

Mrs.B6302007

SheIn Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-adds-additional-names-their-response-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7dbb2d1e-c263-4fbc-a16e-7c83105be223Post:634f8eea-10c8-4e3e-bea1-61eccc623ee6">Re: What do you do when a guest adds additional names on their response card?</a>:
[QUOTE]IDK guys - was he with this girl when you sent out invites or did they start dating after? If she's just a "random" girl, then I would say she shouldn't be invited. If however, they've been together for a while, I would agree she should've been invited from the start. My future BIL doesn't have a steady g/f - he dates different people all the time so he will not be getting a "plus one" for my wedding. If he gets serious with someone between now and the wedding, then I would probably tell him it's okay to bring her.
Posted by janinekk[/QUOTE]

She said she met her before so I'm under the impression that she was aware he was dating her on a consisten enough basis to bring the GF to his gmother's funeral.

janinekk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-adds-additional-names-their-response-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7dbb2d1e-c263-4fbc-a16e-7c83105be223Post:c058e9af-2c96-4673-9380-507a504a0cd4">Re: What do you do when a guest adds additional names on their response card?</a>:
[QUOTE]SheIn Response to Re: What do you do when a guest adds additional names on their response card? : She said she met her before so I'm under the impression that she was aware he was dating her on a consisten enough basis to bring the GF to his gmother's funeral.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

Oh you're right, I missed that part. So, yes, they've been dating and she should have been invited.

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-adds-additional-names-their-response-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7dbb2d1e-c263-4fbc-a16e-7c83105be223Post:634f8eea-10c8-4e3e-bea1-61eccc623ee6">Re: What do you do when a guest adds additional names on their response card?</a>:
[QUOTE]IDK guys - was he with this girl when you sent out invites or did they start dating after? If she's just a "random" girl, then I would say she shouldn't be invited. If however, they've been together for a while, I would agree she should've been invited from the start. My future BIL doesn't have a steady g/f - he dates different people all the time so he will not be getting a "plus one" for my wedding. If he gets serious with someone between now and the wedding, then I would probably tell him it's okay to bring her.
Posted by janinekk[/QUOTE]

But who is she to decide if it is "serious" or not?  H and I were "serious" after three weeks of dating.  I would have been pretty upset if someone had told me that he wasn't serious enough for me to bring as my date.

And if your future BIL is in the WP, he should be getting a date to your wedding, regardless of whether or not he's in a relationship.

janinekk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-adds-additional-names-their-response-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7dbb2d1e-c263-4fbc-a16e-7c83105be223Post:a84c9144-da43-48fe-8b93-36dd38045b5e">Re: What do you do when a guest adds additional names on their response card?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do you do when a guest adds additional names on their response card? : But who is she to decide if it is "serious" or not?  H and I were "serious" after three weeks of dating.  I would have been pretty upset if someone had told me that he wasn't serious enough for me to bring as my date. And if your future BIL is in the WP, he should be getting a date to your wedding, regardless of whether or not he's in a relationship.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

I don't agree. He's not in the WP and he hasn't had a "relationship" of more than a week or so with anyone since I met him 4 years ago. We are having a small wedding of max 30ppl and I would rather invite another one of my or FI friends than have him bring a random girl that no-one knows.

Mrs.B6302007

Ditto Bay. Mr B and I were serious after the first date.  heck, we were engaged w/in a month.   I really dislike the "serious relationship" defense.  It's not a B&G's place to decide how to define serious.  If guest is dating someone repeatedly (2x-100x) give them the benefit of the doubt and an "an guest".  And it's nice to go the extra mile and call guest to find out how to spell the date's name - that's an appreciated extra consideration.  Calling to get her/his name could also save a B&G from having to invite an extra person in case guest says,"Well, we just broke up so don't put him/her on there."

mburkedesigns

Just fyi on why the gf was not invited in the first place.. when I sent out the invites, they were broken up. Otherwise I would have. I was surprised by them being back together... thanks for all the advice!

jaycee7389

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-adds-additional-names-their-response-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7dbb2d1e-c263-4fbc-a16e-7c83105be223Post:854df582-1021-445a-af0f-9e83b021fe70">Re: What do you do when a guest adds additional names on their response card?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto Bay. <strong>Mr B and I were serious after the first date.  heck, we were engaged w/in a month.   I really dislike the "serious relationship" defense.  It's not a B&G's place to decide how to define serious. </strong> If guest is dating someone repeatedly (2x-100x) give them the benefit of the doubt and an "an guest".  And it's nice to go the extra mile and call guest to find out how to spell the date's name - that's an appreciated extra consideration.  Calling to get her/his name could also save a B&G from having to invite an extra person in case guest says,"Well, we just broke up so don't put him/her on there."
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

couldn't agree more.

mica178

Invite the GF, but call to explain that the GF's kids are not invited.  Oh, and the GF isn't yet family, so she does not need to be included in the family photos.

badkittyct

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-adds-additional-names-their-response-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7dbb2d1e-c263-4fbc-a16e-7c83105be223Post:90cb93c9-c737-4e84-a278-fa24c38719af">Re: What do you do when a guest adds additional names on their response card?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just fyi on why the gf was not invited in the first place.. when I sent out the invites, they were broken up. Otherwise I would have. I was surprised by them being back together... thanks for all the advice!
Posted by mburkedesigns[/QUOTE]

Good reason.

I would let him know that you cannot accomodate for the additional children and agree with PP who said if he makes a stink and says he will not come, just tell him they will be missed. Also, you are the one that hired the photog, tell him/her that under no circumstances is the gf to be in a family photo. If there needs to be reinforcement at the time of the photos, then don't be afraid to speak up.

SilverLining1

I'd like to add that if you say that the GF specifically is invited, he can't bringg some rando in her place. And if his dating really is that sporadic, then they probably won't even be together by your wedding, anyway. If they are still together, then she realy should be invited.