bridesmaids giving gifts

misspiggy0609

I am the maid of honor for my best friend's wedding in 2012 as well as my sister's wedding also in 2012.  For both weddings I have to travel to another state.  For my best friend's wedding I will also have to pay to go to her bachelorette party in yet another state a few weeks ahead of time.  Of course I also have to pay for both bridesmaid dresses.  My question is, as a bridesmaid, am I still expected to buy a wedding gift, such as one listed on their registries? (I am extremely poor and these weddings are already going to do me in, but I'm just wondering what the traditional gift giving expectations are for this)

batfacepattermonth

No, just give really heart-felt cards. Or maybe something small or homemade as a gesture, IF you feel like it, but don't feel bad!

futuremrsgates

My theory is, if I have paid for a shower for you, the shower WAS my gift.

achiduck

No, you are not required to give a gift. None of my bridesmaids have to travel more than an hour by car and I am not expecting gifts from any of them.

staceycaine

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-giving-gifts-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7dc68b15-ca89-4651-a011-624404706e59Post:23e6de50-c5ab-41c5-aaa9-9db693fe46d5">bridesmaids giving gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I am the maid of honor for my best friend's wedding in 2012 as well as my sister's wedding also in 2012.  For both weddings I have to travel to another state.  For my best friend's wedding I will also have to pay to go to her bachelorette party in yet another state a few weeks ahead of time.  Of course I also have to pay for both bridesmaid dresses.  My question is, as a bridesmaid, am I still expected to buy a wedding gift, such as one listed on their registries? (<strong>I am extremely poor and these weddings are already going to do me in</strong>, but I'm just wondering what the traditional gift giving expectations are for this)
Posted by misspiggy0609[/QUOTE]

Then why did you say yes? Shame on the brides if they didn't ask you what you were comfortable spending, and, I guess, sort of shame on you for not sticking up for yourself, although I can understand feeling like you CAN'T say no.

Don't take a gift. If they are truly your friends, they will understand, and honestly, I don't expect gifts from anyone in my wedding party. Just them being there and buying the dress is gift enough. Actually, I sort of feel this way about most people invited--if they made it to the guest list, I want them there. If it means they can't afford a gift, don't bring it.

jemmini6

Gifts are never required, especially from people who are already shelling out a ton of money just to be there. 

Milsey32

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-giving-gifts-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7dc68b15-ca89-4651-a011-624404706e59Post:de659909-b0be-4253-b082-25968590c5bb">Re: bridesmaids giving gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]Gifts are never required, especially from people who are already shelling out a ton of money just to be there. 
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

<div>This</div>

lenergyrlah

If you want to give a gift, give something that you can afford.  But remember that gifts are never required.

If the BM dress is already picked out then it's too late to complain.  But if not you should talk to the bride and let her know what you can afford for a dress.  One of my BM's gave me a budget and if I pick a dress outside her budget I'm planning to pay the difference.  My goal in life is not to make other people broke

As MOH, it is your responsibility to plan the bachelorette party (and even this isn't required).  I don't think you should plan a party that you can't afford.  If the bride asks for a big party in Vegas (which is extremely rude) tell her unfortunately that's too expensive.  Why can't you just fly out a few days before the wedding and have everyone go to a club / bar / stay home and watch a movie / etc. for her bachelorette party?

misspiggy0609

     "As MOH, it is your responsibility to plan the bachelorette party (and even this isn't required).  I don't think you should plan a party that you can't afford.  If the bride asks for a big party in Vegas (which is extremely rude) tell her unfortunately that's too expensive.  Why can't you just fly out a few days before the wedding and have everyone go to a club / bar / stay home and watch a movie / etc. for her bachelorette party?"

It is rude isn't it?  There is also a Matron of Honor who lives in another city in the same state as the bride.  She's planning the bachelorette party, which will be in New Orleans. All the other bridesmaids live in Texas or Louisiana, and they all have more money than me.  So for them, this isn't way too much to ask for.  As for me, at this point I have decided there's no way I can shell out over $500 just to go there for the weekend and will not be able to go.  It's pretty disappointing.  I had been hoping it'd be like what you said, going out a couple days before the wedding.  But Nooo....the others can't take those days off work to drive there or be out late on a week night.  Yet I have to take days off from work and pay to fly to the wedding.

And as for you others who didn't understand why I'd agreed to pay to fly out to the wedding even if I couldn't afford it...well, we've been best friends for over 24 years.  Going further into debt or not, I have to go to the wedding.