Can you invite ladies to your Bach. party and not the wedding?

Lazynella

I have a few friends from college who might be interested in partying and hanging out for the bacheloret party.  I feel like the wedding will be awkward for them and I dont want them to feel they need to give me presetns.  I also dont see them that often. Is this weird? I am not inviting them to the shower.  But how about the wedding?

misshart00

In Response to Re:Can you invite ladies to your Bach. party and not the wedding?:[QUOTE]I have a few friends from college who might benbsp;interested in partying and hanging out for the bacheloret party.nbsp; I feel like the wedding will be awkward for them and I dont want them to feel they need to give me presetns.nbsp; I also dont see them that often.nbsp;Is this weird? I am not inviting them to the shower.nbsp; But how about the wedding? Posted by Lazynella[/QUOTE]

If anyone is invited to any prewedding party, they must be invited to the wedding. And people aren't required to give you gifts, so a wedding invitation to them won't look like a gift grab.

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-you-invite-ladies-to-your-bach-party-and-not-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7de75713-7872-4ba3-8710-2b8220493002Post:d7ce34a7-fa54-43ab-90f1-641b87c361a9">Can you invite ladies to your Bach. party and not the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a few friends from college who might be interested in partying and hanging out for the bacheloret party.  I feel like the wedding will be awkward for them and I dont want them to feel they need to give me presetns.  I also dont see them that often. Is this weird? I am not inviting them to the shower.  But how about the wedding?
Posted by Lazynella[/QUOTE]
No, you can't do that.  Anybody invited to prewedding parties (including bachelorette party) has to be invited to the wedding itself.

s-aries8990

Nope. If you invite them, they realllly should be invited to the wedding too. If you invite someone to a pre-wedding party (regarless if it's just the bachelorette or jus the shower), they should be invited to the wedding itself.

If they don't want to go to your wedding, they can decide that on their own.

CallaLily25

If you won't be inviting them to your wedding, do not invite them to your bachelorette party. This would be very rude. I can't speak for your friends, but I know if I was invited to a bachelorette party and not the wedding, my first thought would be "So I'm fun to party with, but not important enough to be invited to the wedding?"

kmbryant2413

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-you-invite-ladies-to-your-bach-party-and-not-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7de75713-7872-4ba3-8710-2b8220493002Post:81556b15-aa9b-48c1-9f2e-74eed9a5d728">Re:Can you invite ladies to your Bach. party and not the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you won't be inviting them to your wedding, do not invite them to your bachelorette party. This would be very rude. I can't speak for your friends, but I know if I was invited to a bachelorette party and not the wedding, my first thought would be "So I'm fun to party with, but not important enough to be invited to the wedding?"
Posted by CallaLily25[/QUOTE]

<div>This.</div>

doiexist1987

I could see it being ok if your friends approach you and want to party with you before the wedding.  I wouldnt hide it from them either.  I know it isnt traditional and such, but what my fiance and I are doing is we are throwing a party the day after the wedding for friends we just couldnt invite.  We are hosting a "small" wedding that will mostly be family I have to invite, and neither of us are good with crowds of people, so this is what will work for us.  Everyone has their reasons for not inviting everyone to their wedding.

kmbryant2413

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-you-invite-ladies-to-your-bach-party-and-not-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7de75713-7872-4ba3-8710-2b8220493002Post:39d6fb9f-b789-4257-a9a6-6f4209b99eaf">Re: Can you invite ladies to your Bach. party and not the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I could see it being ok if your friends approach you and want to party with you before the wedding.  I wouldnt hide it from them either.  I know it isnt traditional and such, but what my fiance and I are doing is we are throwing a party the day after the wedding for friends we just couldnt invite.  We are hosting a "small" wedding that will mostly be family I have to invite, and neither of us are good with crowds of people, so this is what will work for us.  Everyone has their reasons for not inviting everyone to their wedding.
Posted by doiexist1987[/QUOTE]

<div>You are about to get blasted. Why, you may ask? You just admitted on an ETIQUETTE board that you are B-listing a bunch of people, and told someone on at ETIQUETTE board, to just to whatever the f*ck they wanted. Just in case you were wondering why everyone is about to tell you to STFU.</div>

Jen4948

Anyone invited to a pre- or post-wedding event needs to be invited to the wedding.  I think the only exception is if it's a work-related event, like a shower given by your co-workers.

winelover123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-you-invite-ladies-to-your-bach-party-and-not-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7de75713-7872-4ba3-8710-2b8220493002Post:7f972e71-d2b8-4521-b7c8-9d0c5e35617c">Re: Can you invite ladies to your Bach. party and not the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can you invite ladies to your Bach. party and not the wedding? : If I were your friend and was not invited to your wedding, but was invited to an after party because the couple would feel uncomfortable in front of us at their wedding, I would not feel comfortable in front of them at their reception. Please don't do this.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

I agree with TXKristan. Don't have a consolation prize party. If you wish to just have a party, have one after your honeymoon (if you're having one) and don't make it wedding related. I would not like to be invited to the after party but not the wedding - you don't have to invite everyone to your wedding. They'll understand that it's a family-only wedding.

OP, the only way I'd see this as ok is if the person more or less invites themselves to only the B party with the knowledge that they are not invited to the wedding. Still awkward, but that's the only way I could see it being remotely okay.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-you-invite-ladies-to-your-bach-party-and-not-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7de75713-7872-4ba3-8710-2b8220493002Post:7f972e71-d2b8-4521-b7c8-9d0c5e35617c">Re: Can you invite ladies to your Bach. party and not the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can you invite ladies to your Bach. party and not the wedding? : If I were your friend and was not invited to your wedding, but was invited to an after party because the couple would feel uncomfortable in front of us at their wedding, I would not feel comfortable in front of them at their reception. Please don't do this.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
Yep, pretty much.

I get not liking big crowds and being the center of attention, but it seems sorta hypocritical. You don't like to be the center of attention in a large group, but you're going to invite them to a party (after party, bach party, whatever) where the group will be large and you'll be the center of attention. It makes no sense.


OP, if you want to hang out with them, hang out with them. Just don't call it a bach party.
If you are right and they do want to party and hang out at your bach party, why would they feel "awkward" at your wedding?

lyndsay782

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-you-invite-ladies-to-your-bach-party-and-not-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7de75713-7872-4ba3-8710-2b8220493002Post:7f972e71-d2b8-4521-b7c8-9d0c5e35617c">Re: Can you invite ladies to your Bach. party and not the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can you invite ladies to your Bach. party and not the wedding? : If I were your friend and was not invited to your wedding, but was invited to an after party because the couple would feel uncomfortable in front of us at their wedding, I would not feel comfortable in front of them at their reception. Please don't do this.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

<div>I know that my opinion will not be a popular one, but I've been a part of this type of event.  My FSIL did this when she got married.  She had a very small wedding at her parent's home (which could only fit about 15-20 people) and only invited family.  Her best friend was there, and that was only because she was considered "a sister".  Her parents offered to pay for food (bbq and salads) and a cake.  About two weeks later, she had a larger appetizers and cocktails reception for her friends (And the family was invited to this as well).  Not one guest was horribly offended, or upset.  They, unlike some of the PP's, were quite understanding.  </div><div>
</div><div>Not everyone has the conventional wedding that the knot and the boards feel you should. People have different circumstances.  And I know, wedding bee is nicer and more understanding when it comes to alternative weddings, but sometimes those posters are so nice it drives me nuts. </div><div>
</div><div>EDIT: I forgot to add that another friend had a destination wedding, and had a bridal shower/bachelorette party that I was invited too, but not her wedding.  And I was perfectly ok with that. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

Kate61487

People 'understanding' the 'extenuating circumstances' that make you a special snowflake does not mean that what you're doing isn't rude.  The ladies on this board will never tell someone they can't have a party.  Everyone in the world is free to go out drinking and partying with whoever they like.  Everyone is also free to invite friends over to dinner / a BBQ / apps and drinks any time they like.  What we object to is brides and grooms (or new wives / husbands) thinking that everything has to be all about them and their 'special day'.  Have a party with your friends!  don't associate it with your wedding unless all the guests will actually see you get married!  it's not a hard concept.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-you-invite-ladies-to-your-bach-party-and-not-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7de75713-7872-4ba3-8710-2b8220493002Post:58e6fae5-7d8e-41c6-ad9f-1d25afc3d981">Re: Can you invite ladies to your Bach. party and not the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can you invite ladies to your Bach. party and not the wedding? : I know that my opinion will not be a popular one, but I've been a part of this type of event.  My FSIL did this when she got married.  She had a very small wedding at her parent's home (which could only fit about 15-20 people) and only invited family.  Her best friend was there, and that was only because she was considered "a sister".  Her parents offered to pay for food (bbq and salads) and a cake.  <strong>About two weeks later, she had a larger appetizers and cocktails reception for her friends (And the family was invited to this as well).</strong>  Not one guest was horribly offended, or upset.  They, unlike some of the PP's, were quite understanding.   Not everyone has the conventional wedding that the knot and the boards feel you should. People have different circumstances.  And I know, wedding bee is nicer and more understanding when it comes to alternative weddings, but sometimes those posters are so nice it drives me nuts.  EDIT: I forgot to add that another friend had a destination wedding, and had a bridal shower/bachelorette party that I was invited too, but not her wedding.  And I was perfectly ok with that. 
Posted by lyndsay782[/QUOTE]
Why didn't she just do that in the beginning?

lyndsay782

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-you-invite-ladies-to-your-bach-party-and-not-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7de75713-7872-4ba3-8710-2b8220493002Post:7eeec443-261c-4f00-973b-5f119ce05c1f">Re: Can you invite ladies to your Bach. party and not the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can you invite ladies to your Bach. party and not the wedding? : Why didn't she just do that in the beginning?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't know why she didn't.  And it's been 4 years like four years.  I think I remember it was her mother's idea to have the "big" reception after the wedding so that other friends of the family could be invited.  She opted to have the reception later instead of having a shower/bachelorette party.   </div>

jmayinc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-you-invite-ladies-to-your-bach-party-and-not-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7de75713-7872-4ba3-8710-2b8220493002Post:58e6fae5-7d8e-41c6-ad9f-1d25afc3d981">Re: Can you invite ladies to your Bach. party and not the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I? : I know that my opinion will not be a popular one, but I've been a part of this type of event.  My FSIL did this when she got married.  She had a very small wedding at her parent's home (which could only fit about 15-20 people) and only invited family.  Her best friend was there, and that was only because she was considered "a sister".  Her parents offered to pay for food (bbq and salads) and a cake.  About two weeks later, she had a larger appetizers and cocktails reception for her friends (And the family was invited to this as well).  Not one guest was horribly offended, or upset.  They, unlike some of the PP's, were quite understanding.   Not everyone has the conventional wedding that the knot and the boards feel you should. People have different circumstances.  And I know, wedding bee is nicer and more understanding when it comes to alternative weddings, but sometimes those posters are so nice it drives me nuts.  EDIT: I forgot to add that another friend had a destination wedding, and had a bridal shower/bachelorette party that I was invited too, but not her wedding.  And I was perfectly ok with that. 
Posted by lyndsay782[/QUOTE]

To me that sounds more acceptable due to the very private nature of the wedding to have a "party" after with friends and everyone else if you want you day to be more private. But that seems quite different than inviting someone to a prewedding party then having a big bash after to where they are not invited. Seems rude. Unless that person invited themselves to the party and said something like "do you guys mind if I tag along? I wanna go out. No offense but I don't want to go to the wedding or anything"...but someone saying that exact statement is unlikely. If it is one person...why not just invite them to the wedding?

PatriceC59

I had a "friend" that invited me to a "Bachelorette Weekend" in Las Vegas.  I couldn't go both because I couldn't afford it (the invitation even went so far as to specifically mention that they were doing everything VIP and Top-shelf and basically not sparing any cost), and because it was a holiday weekend (memorial day weekend if I remember correctly) and I couldn't take time off from work.   I replied that I couldn't go due to work, but have a great time, etc!  I never got invited to the wedding (it was not a small wedding, there were no money issues, etc), and needless to say, I was hurt and thought the whole thing was in very poor taste.  It made me feel like, "soooo, since I couldn't spend a weekend partying and blowing tons of money in Vegas with you, I wasn't qualified to come to the wedding??  Ok then."  

Now that I am the bride-to-be, I do not plan on including anyone in ANY wedding-related activity that I am not planning on inviting to my actual wedding.  I remember how hurt I was and wouldn't want to make anyone I considered a "friend" feel the way I did.  Really, it's just not the classy thing to do, IMHO.