Invitations/Announcements

[Deleted User]

We have limited our guest list through first cousins and are lucky enough to have many of our family fairly close by. I do have Aunts, Uncles, cousins on my Dad's side that live on the East coast that I see every 5 years or so (when I make the trip) that we are not close to mainly because I don't know them well. My fiance is in the same boat with his Dad's family. Our initial thought was to not invite them. Then we thought that may cause hurt Dad feelings, so we thought we'd send announcements. Now I'm thinking that may sound like we just want presents but not want to see them. We haven't seen a few of the cousins since they were babies but if we're inviting some, we feel that we should invite them all. We also think that if we plan on sending invites to out of town guests, we should give them ample time to plan and save and send STD's to them after Christmas.
I'm pretty sure proper etiquette says invite them but if you were the relative that doesn't even receive or send b'day/Christmas cards from/to us, what would you think about getting an invite or announcement? We will come up with the $ and space, just don't want to hurt feelings or make anyone feel obligated.

Meegles4

I think this is only a decision you can make. People have different opinions on this, some feel it's OK to invite some cousins/aunts/uncles, but not all, and base it on their relationship with each individuals. Others feel it's best to invite in circles like you're describing (all first cousins or no first cousins).

I tend to fall in the latter category, however in your case if you're truly not close with anyone on your dad's side I think it's OK not to invite them, but to invite the people on your mom's. I also wonder who's paying? If your parents are paying for the event, then they get a say and your dad might want to have his family included.

I see my cousins maybe once a year or every several years in some cases, but they were all still invited to my wedding. And they came from OOT. I don't think it ever hurts to invite someone, but it's all about what you can afford. It's up to them to decide to come or not and to give you a gift or not. When it comes to family, I don't find it gift-grabby to extend an invitation unless it's a 4th cousin or someone who you truly never see or talk to.

As far as announcements go, if you did go that route, you don't send them until after you're married. I personally wouldn't even do that, I'd just spread through word of mouth that you got married. Maybe do a holiday card the following December with a wedding photo or photo of you as a couple.

arendiva

I'm in the same boat as you. I'm inviting all of my cousins on my mom's side. My FI is inviting all of his cousins. The only person I'm inviting from my dad's side is his mother. Lucky for me this choice has my dad's approval. He doesn't want any of his family there. The only potential drama that I will face is through my grandma who will undoubtedly be displeased that I'm not inviting my uncles.

[Deleted User]

Thank you all! We are paying for the wedding ourselves, so both of our dad's input isn't required but as we are lucky enough not to have any family drama, we didn't want to start any! I think we will double check with both dad's and probably end up inviting at least all of the Aunts and Uncles and maybe no on the cousins.