Advice with Family Photographer

Knottie_22382496

We are having a person in my FI's family take our wedding pictures. He is a professional and has been doing this for 20+ years. We have no concerns with him.

Please tell me if I'm being ridiculous.
My FSIL can be hard to get along with sometimes. She has a young daughter, and feels the need to be the center of attention. She has told me that SHE wants lots of pictures of the family, etc. I understand that, as I would like lots of family pictures, but it is my FI and I's day. I feel that she's going to be taking charge of the pictures.
My sister said that she will be in charge or who takes pictures with who, as I will make a list of who I really want pictures with, like my grandfather, etc.

On the wedding day, or before, how do I tell her that my sister will be in charge of pictures, etc? I don't want to be rude, but I want to make it clear that it really is my FI and I's day, and we are so happy to have everyone come, but do want our own time together for pictures, etc?

misssunshine17

Talk to the photographer and tell him that he is only to take direction of from your or your FI.

Also, I would really drop the line "our day." It makes you sound childish like you own a day in the world and discredits your valid arguement.

Knottie_22382496

You dont know his family, lol! They butt in with everything, and end up making ANY/EVERY day about them. I just want to be able to have a moment of just my FI and I for the pictures.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-with-family-photographer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ecf6714-601e-4147-afc0-4a0e172a0f37Post:5de7e7d3-b72f-4f3b-a40b-936baf7cd45b">Re: Advice with Family Photographer</a>:
[QUOTE]Talk to the photographer and tell him that he is only to take direction of from your or your FI. Also, I would really drop the line "our day." It makes you sound childish like you own a day in the world and discredits your valid arguement.
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]
This. And on the day, if your MIL tries to run the show, your fiance/husband should say, "Thanks, Mom. We've got this covered."<div>
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another KT

I would talk to the photographer about your expectations and even make a list of pictures you want them to take.  As long as those expectations are met do you really care if he takes more pictures of everyone else?

Knottie_22382496

No, as long as he gets the pictures we want, which are simple, he can do whatever he wants. Just seems like FI's family is very pushy.

Did anyone take pictures of just you and your husband without 20 people around? Or was everyone around for every picture?

AddieCake

MOST of our pictures were taken with just us. Once our photographer got all the group shots, those people headed into the reception. 

misssunshine17

OP, would you consider doing a private first look? Meet at a location and don't tell anywhere there and they won't be around for your duo shots.

SlothGoals

Ditto PPs.

Unfortunately your first mistake was having someone in your FIs family take the pictures. Now it might not be possible to take his meddling family members out of the equation. I would still tell him that your sister will be helping to round people up for family pictures and that you have a list of shots you would like to make sure get done before other people have pictures done.

As for telling FSIL, you don't. On the day of the wedding when/if she tries to get involved/interfere have your FI tell her, "Don't worry sis, we have it taken care of! Go enjoy the cocktail hour and we'll let you know when you're needed for family photos."

Kate61487

I wouldn't tell FSIL anything.  I would talk to the photographer about the fact that you, FI and apparently your sister will be the only ones to direct photos (presumably since he's a family member he knows who your sister is).  If FSIL tries to butt in the photog will ignore her, and having FI say "thanks, we've got it under control" is a good idea.

We had our photog set up a little backdrop at the reception where people could get group shots and stuff.  As long as there wasn't something significant going on (toast, spotlight dance, etc.) our photog was popping between reception candids and posed group shots.  That allowed our guests to get some really lovely photos of their immediate family or their friends and I love many of the photos taken there.  Perhaps if that's an option FSIL can get what she wants without taking up your photo time.

Simply Fated

Definitely tell the photographer to only take directions from you and Fi. If your FSIL starts butting in, let Fi tell her "Don't worry, we got this."

Knottie_22382496

Thanks! Appreciate all the advice. I will make a list of pictures that we want taken.
Do I need to ask FI's mom what pictures she would like on the list??

SlothGoals

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-with-family-photographer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ecf6714-601e-4147-afc0-4a0e172a0f37Post:e6366612-ce4a-49e6-a9ff-0081998a1e08">Re: Advice with Family Photographer</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks! Appreciate all the advice. I will make a list of pictures that we want taken. Do I need to ask FI's mom what pictures she would like on the list??
Posted by rooinvt[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Eh, you could. If she wants specific shots though she can always ask the photographer once your 'must have' list is complete.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: I have a 'suggested list of shots' that a photographer I was considering sent me. If you want you can PM me your email address and I can send it your way.

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Knottie_22382496

Just sent you a PM! Thanks!

AmandaKess

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-with-family-photographer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ecf6714-601e-4147-afc0-4a0e172a0f37Post:f7174b96-b827-4d26-9191-8f4d4f367142">Re: Advice with Family Photographer</a>:
[QUOTE]I would talk to the photographer about your expectations and even make a list of pictures you want them to take.  As long as those expectations are met do you really care if he takes more pictures of everyone else?
Posted by another KT[/QUOTE]

This. Make it clear to him that you're the one who is making the decisions about the pictures and these are your goals. Anything extra he does after that is exactly that, extra.

AJuliaNJ

Tell her ASAP. You don't want to have to deal with this the day of, or days leading up to, your wedding day. Not knowing her, it sounds like she may see this as a great way of getting some cheap professional photos of her and her daughter. I think that's fine as long as it is an absolute secondary priority to your photographer.

Just tell her, "Thank you for the offer, but my sister already took on the role of managing the photographer. Please do let me know of any photos you are looking for, and we will see how we can fit those in." If she has a rebuttal, just keep repeating the same thing. If you offer her any reasons, it gives her something to counterargue.

Jen4948

Tell your photographer to take instructions on pictures only from you, your FI, and your sister and no other person-including your FSIL.

As for your FSIL, tell her together with your FI, "Thank you, but my sister will be doing that.  This is something FI and I agreed on together and it's not subject to change.  We've notified the photographer accordingly."

ladytori

My SIL wanted pictures of her children and some pictures of her, my brother and kids. I just added them on the list of must have pictures. In two minutes, the photographer was done taking those pictures and moved on to other shots.

zantster

Will you have a DOC to oversee all the vendors or instead different people like your sister in charge of different things?  If you have a DOC, making sure things like this go smoothly would be their responsibility as well.