Wedding Etiquette Forum

Question - Head Table

I don't post here often, but just wanted to get your ladies opinion on something. I know my FILs are sometimes hard to deal with, because they are VERY tradition conscious, regardless of how it may make anyone feel.

The last debate has been the head table. They are insistant that I need one. I refuse to seperate significant others, and with 5 GM and 5 BMs, that would be one big head table...

SO I thought a good compromise would be a head table of FI & I, BM & his wife, MOH & date. Then I  could have tables nearby for the WP and their families. I just want to make sure that this would work etiquette wise before I suggest it to them and begin the battle to convince them that its the better option.

Thanks!

Re: Question - Head Table

  • Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited April 2012
    Yes, that would work, but why not just do a sweetheart table if that's the case? 

    The other option is a captains table, in the middle of the room, with WP and their SO and you two. 
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  • if I were the date, I'd be uncomforatble.

    Who's paying for the wedding? I've seen head tables with the B&G and MOB/FOB and MOG/FOG before. But if anyone's divorced with new partners that gets tricky too. I know that couldn't work for us.
  • That's a good way to compromise.  I don't see a problem with it from an etiquette-perspective.
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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited April 2012

    That's fine from an etiquette standpoint and probably works as a solid compromise.

    Lizzie
  • I think your idea works. I also second Habs' suggestion of a captain's table. We did this, our captain's table had about 24 people at it. It was big, but it worked.

    To freckles: I have heard a couple people say that it's awkward for a date to sit at a head table. I have never understood this logic. IMO, it's way more awkward to sit at a table where you don't know anyone while your date sits at the head table.
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  • I think that is a good compromise. We had that problem as well, but decided to just do a Sweetheart table.
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  • McLoed - Can you tell them that head tables are really out in this particular area (even though they aren't unfortunately) and nobody does them anymore.  The boathouse (are you doing the tent or the boathouse?) will be a more comfortable fit without a head table.  Since neither space is a ballroom, head tables look kinda weird in that space. 

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  • BMcLeodTeamBMcLeodTeam member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited April 2012

    FI doesn't like the sweetheart table idea because he doesn't feel he's compromising with his family at all that way. He's also not a fan of the captains table.

    I should add that the dates do know pretty much everyone... the reason its 'date' is only because its my MOH (Man of Honour) and his partner, but the two guys are serious, the BM is FI's BIL, so the wife then is his sister lol :)

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ee9e973-33a5-49f6-b82f-6f86ab69312ePost:5f50ae50-28f7-4ab0-be51-e4d63083122c">Re: Question - Head Table</a>:
    [QUOTE] To freckles: I have heard a couple people say that it's awkward for a date to sit at a head table. I have never understood this logic. IMO, it's way more awkward to sit at a table where you don't know anyone while your date sits at the head table.
    Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

    <div>I think what freckles was saying was that if the date is not a long-term SO and/or doesn't know the bridal couple well, it would be awkward to sit at the head table and be so close to the "centre of attention" when you don't even know these people all that well. (I would personally find it awkward.)</div>
  • McLeod -- I'd do what the compromise is, if that works for everyone. I wouldn't separate dates, so if you can't do a huge head table to accommodate everyone, then just include the MOH and BM.

    Unchat -- I suppose I get that argument, I just don't agree. Personally, I'd rather sit next to my date, even if it is at a head table where I'm more "in the thick of things", then have to sit at a table without my date and where I don't know everyone and have to make conversation with those people. The latter situation is way more awkward for me. And even if I did know others at the wedding, I still prefer to sit with my date. Different strokes.
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  • Thanks ladies :) Its not always easy trying to find something that works for everyone!
  • That is exactly what we did for our wedding.  B&G, MOH+date, MOH+husband, BM+wife at one 8 person table.  My husband hates attention, so I thought this would be good.

    We had the rest of the WP in nearby tables, seated amongst their friends and family.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ee9e973-33a5-49f6-b82f-6f86ab69312ePost:7918895a-74af-4012-9fdb-0b432a9d03be">Question - Head Table</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't post here often, but just wanted to get your ladies opinion on something. I know my FILs are sometimes hard to deal with, because they are VERY tradition conscious, regardless of how it may make anyone feel. The last debate has been the head table. They are insistant that I need one. I refuse to seperate significant others, and with 5 GM and 5 BMs, that would be one big head table... SO I thought a good compromise would be a head table of FI & I, BM & his wife, MOH & date. Then I  could have tables nearby for the WP and their families. I just want to make sure that this would work etiquette wise before I suggest it to them and begin the battle to convince them that its the better option. Thanks!
    Posted by BMcLeodTeam[/QUOTE]

    that is what we're doing.  I wanted to do the big Captain's Table, but it won't fit in the venue.  Instead, we'll have 3 tables like you're suggesting.  they're all next to each other, not on displace and all the SOs (and their kids if applicable) get to sit together.
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  • FMIL contributed to the payment on our reception dinner catering and venue, and so I can't really avoid telling her what is happening with that. FI has already talked to her about not going beyond that though, that she doesn' t need to share information with anyone else in the family. He doesn't even really talk to the aunts/uncles yet they all find out and have their opinions it seems.
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