MOH speeches

xlove2shopxx

I am in a wedding where there are 3 MOH and 3 Best Men. The MOHs were planning on doing one combined speech at the reception, since the bride and groom requested that we do speeches. Now they are asking for individual speeches? Is it appropriate for them to make us all do our own speeches? I heard that speeches are more voluntary, but haven't been in very many weddings. I also know 6 speeches is a lot to hear. 

Girlie1030

That's way too many and yes, they are completely voluntary.  The B&G are in the wrong here. 

Maggie0829

If you do not want to give a speech you don't have to, so the bride and groom are rude for 1) requesting speeches and 2) requesting that all of you make speeches.

Six speeched is completely ridiculous and if I were a guest at that wedding I would want to rip my ears off.  I think 1 MOH and 1 BM should volunteer to make 1 speech each and that be it.  If the bride and groom throw a fit then they just need to grow the fluck up.

OwningAHome1981

Is one of the MOH's or BM a sibling? if so, I'd have that person make the speech.

xlove2shopxx

None of them are siblings. One MOH is a matron of honor and sister in law and she would be the most awkward at giving a speech probably. I am her cousin. No one else is related. 

LDubHawksFan

Yikes, that is too many speeches!!  The B&G are out of line making you all give speeches.  I was at a wedding where two sisters gave a joint speech and it was really cute, so if that is what you three ladies had planned and all are comfortable participating, tell the couple you are sticking with your plan.  As a guest, I would be really irritated if I had to sit through probably around 20+ mins of speeches, and I would be digging into my salad by the third one...

LDubHawksFan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-speeches?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7f367d3a-a214-4d9e-a6cd-b432fd44e88bPost:8fc93678-2c03-4468-a8c2-9d18857c9e28">Re: MOH speeches</a>:
[QUOTE]None of them are siblings. One MOH is a matron of honor and sister in law and she would be the most awkward at giving a speech probably. I am her cousin. No one else is related. 
Posted by xlove2shopxx[/QUOTE]

If she doesn't feel comfortable speaking, she shouldn't have to, but if it was the original plan for all three of you, hopefully she will still speak with you both to keep the bride with unrealistic expectations at bay.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

How many people are in the wedding party?!

We had 4 speeches at our wedding (all people who volunteered, including one BM and one GM) and that was certainly enough.

xlove2shopxx

3 MOH plus 6 bridesmaids 1 jr...3 BM and 7 groomsmen...don't get me started. Other MOH thats just a friend says I should leave it alone and just do what they ask. 

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-speeches?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7f367d3a-a214-4d9e-a6cd-b432fd44e88bPost:b5f961e4-6630-4b3a-90a5-6e817ca90a1d">Re: MOH speeches</a>:
[QUOTE]3 MOH plus 6 bridesmaids 1 jr...3 BM and 7 groomsmen...don't get me started. <strong>Other MOH thats just a friend says I should leave it alone and just do what they ask. 
</strong>Posted by xlove2shopxx[/QUOTE]

No, do not do this.  If you give in to one request then you are going to have to start giving in to every little crazy thing they want.

I would be nice but firm and let the crazy couple know that you and the other MOHs are going to stick with the original plan because that is what you three feel most comfortable with.  If the bride doesn't like it, oh well.  You and anyone else should not have to do anything that they are uncomfortable with.  Period.

[Deleted User]

Yikes, that's way too many. I would definitely talk to the bride and groom and nicely, but firmly, decline.

Also, if they really truly make a stink, stand up and say "so happy for y'all. Long life together" and then sit down.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to Re:MOH speeches:[QUOTE]Wow, way too many speeches.nbsp;nbsp; Guests will be anoyed.nbsp; Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

So in this instance, you FINALLY give a damn about the comfort of your guests? Fascinating.

Also, it's "annoyed."

xlove2shopxx

I'm sorry I am confused by the last comment from StephBean? I am one of the MOH not the bride. Do you know NYUgirl? Still not sure what to do...weddings in a little over a week if I did not mention that. At the very least I will give a speech about 3 sentences long. 

Simply Fated

If they make a stink about it, I'd just do a quick 3 sentence speech, like you mentioned. The guests will love you most of all.

I wouldn't give a speech without trying to rectify the situation, though.
Speak up to the bride very nonchalantly and say something like, "People hate long speeches. They're going to get bored and tune us out after the second one." Maybe even suggest giving some of these speeches at the rehearsal dinner, to help break it up into smaller segments, ya know? And definitely mention that the speeches eat into dancing and eating and socializing time. "Bride, you spent money on that dj/band/ipod... why waste it listening to us babble on?"

xlove2shopxx

Simply Fated that all sounds good. I already did bring up that people may become bored  and that some of us could do speeches at the rehersal. I am waiting for the brides response still. The wedding is already starting at 6pm, but officially at 6:30pm. Her fiance is the one I believe is more persistant with the individual speeches by us all, and he isn't really to fond of me so I don't think he would listen. 

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-speeches?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7f367d3a-a214-4d9e-a6cd-b432fd44e88bPost:b292003a-18f2-44d5-b5e8-58cd3c322607">Re: MOH speeches</a>:
[QUOTE]Simply Fated that all sounds good. I already did bring up that people may become bored  and that some of us could do speeches at the rehersal. I am waiting for the brides response still. The wedding is already starting at 6pm, but officially at 6:30pm. Her fiance is the one I believe is more persistant with the individual speeches by us all, and he isn't really to fond of me so I don't think he would listen. 
Posted by xlove2shopxx[/QUOTE]
omigosh, yeah, I wouldn't say anything to her fiance. Awkward. Hopefully you'll get through to her and she'll discuss it with him and convince him it's an overload.

Honestly, my theory is that he just wants to hear a lot of people spending a lot of time talking to everyone about how great he is. Of course I could be wrong, but if he is hellbent on that many speeches, then my theory stands.

Start preparing that 3 sentence speech!
"I want to congratulate the Bride and Groom on their wedding day! Bride is an amazing person and Groom is lucky to have her in his life! L'chaim!"
I think that's considered less than 3 sentences. I fail.

xlove2shopxx

haha I really will ask why they are insisting we all speak if thats is her response. I do like that lil speech though I may have to steal that. 

melb2013

Can I ask why you are all referring to this as a "speech"?  I thought people gave "toasts" at a wedding.  "Speech" makes me think of something super long and overly planned- "toasts" are short and not as much of a show.

OP, 6 toasts are ridiculous.  When did B&Gs start demanding people toast them?  Doesn't that seem self-centered?  It's like saying to someone "You should get up in front of all my family and friends and tell them how wonderful we are".  I think I live in another world and I like it that way.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-speeches?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7f367d3a-a214-4d9e-a6cd-b432fd44e88bPost:f5d803a1-9c1e-4759-8b9b-42a9c50ffe29">Re: MOH speeches</a>:
[QUOTE]Can I ask why you are all referring to this as a "speech"?  I thought people gave "toasts" at a wedding.  "Speech" makes me think of something super long and overly planned- "toasts" are short and not as much of a show. OP, 6 toasts are ridiculous.  When did B&Gs start demanding people toast them?  Doesn't that seem self-centered? <strong> It's like saying to someone "You should get up in front of all my family and friends and tell them how wonderful we are".  </strong>I think I live in another world and I like it that way.
Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]
That's what it sounds like, right?
In my circle/area it's sorta assumed that the MOH and BM is giving a toast/speech. I hate it and I plan on breaking that tradition when it's my turn. I'll depend on all of you to remind of this very conversation someday!

OwningAHome1981

Well what you could do is write one speech together- the 3 MOH's- and all 3 of you just read a certain part. That way all of you get to speak and it's only one speech.

xlove2shopxx

The reason I am using the term speech is because it is a religious wedding without dancing or alcohol, so toasting isn't really a term used. I like the idea also of a combined speech that is still read by each of us, but thats not what the Bride and Groom requested. But yes I also come from an area where people just assume the toast/speech come from the MOH and BM and thats all. The bride and groom are young and have not been to many weddings, and I think just assume thats what should be done, without researching. The bride is ignoring me on this subject so later I am going to call the wedding planner to ask her the order of speeches becuase I have a feeling she does not know about all of them.