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Bachelorette Party Delima

I know the rule is not to invite anyone to pre-wedding parties if they aren't invited to the wedding.  Here's the problem, I have a friend who we weren't planning on inviting to the wedding (nothing against her, but cuts have to be made somewhere).  I was out with her a little while ago and she generally asked how wedding planning was going.  Since I knew we weren't inviting her, I sorta dodged the question and vagely said it was coming along.  So then she says, well definately let me know when the bachelorette party is.  So I said something along the lines of well we're still figuring out the invite list for the wedding and have lots of family...and she says well regardless, I still want to come to the bachelorette.

So here's my dilemia.  Do I:
A) Not invite her to the bachelorette since I'm not inviting her to the wedding?  If so, then how do I handle my blatent disregard to her request to be invited to the bachelorette?
B) Just invite her to the wedding so I can invite her to the bachelorette and avoid the akward conversation of above.
C) Tell her that we simply have too many people and can't invite her to the wedding, but if she still would like to come to the bachelorette, then she's more than welcome to.

Re: Bachelorette Party Delima

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    A Once she finds out she's not invited to the wedding she probably won't be so thrilled about coming to the Bach party.
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    Choice A.  If she isn't invited to the wedding, she should not be invited to the bachelorette party either.  If she keeps bringing it up, change the subject, and if that doesn't penetrate her skull, you might have to say to her, "Unfortunately, it isn't possible for me to invite everyone I want to the wedding, and that means I can't invite them to any of the pre-wedding events, like the bachelorette party either.  Sadly, I wasn't able to include you.  This is a painful decision for me, so I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't keep bringing up the bachelorette party."
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    I vote A, if she keeps bringing up the bachelorette you could say that "name" (the host) is taking care of the party and you don't have any information about it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    Choice A. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Thank you ladies!

    Retread, I think she has the best of intensions at heart and I don't think she was pushing for a wedding invite.  She's one of my few truely single friends (and in our circle of friends, she really is the only one who isn't engaged or married yet) and I think she was thinking it would be a lot of fun to have a girls night out (which is what she was looking at my bachelorette as being).  I just felt bad because I know she would have fun, but it's one of those slipperly slope type of things (if I invite her to the wedding, then I need to invite the rest of the circle of friends and that's an extra 10 people that I don't have room for).
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    I think this is a situation where the "proper" etiquette doesn't make sense. The girl has already said she doesn't care if she's invited to the wedding.  I vote C. She clearly wants to celebrate with you somehow. Should you invite someone you know you're not inviting to the wedding? No. Should you exclude someone who really wants to be there and already knows they won't be invited to the wedding? I don't think so.
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    D. If she pushes the issue telling her that since you weren't able to invite her to the wedding due to the limited number of people you could invite you didn't feel right inviting her to the bachlorette party since she wasn't invited to the wedding.

    If she says, I don't care, I would still love to go to the bachlorette party, then let her come.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-delima?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7f952109-d475-4ae8-8e83-b2303f7a9577Post:d3273174-58bc-4d79-91e4-c2245d2b29fd">Re: Bachelorette Party Delima</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think this is a situation where the "proper" etiquette doesn't make sense. The girl has already said she doesn't care if she's invited to the wedding.  I vote C. She clearly wants to celebrate with you somehow. Should you invite someone you know you're not inviting to the wedding? No. Should you exclude someone who really wants to be there and already knows they won't be invited to the wedding? I don't think so.
    Posted by HSAmber[/QUOTE]
    I don't think the OP told her she wasn't invited. 
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    SimplyFated is correct.  I didn't spell it out that she isn't invited to the wedding.  I kinda hinted at it, but didn't actually spell it out for her.  That's why I have C in there.  BTW - I think I'm going with B.  I've just heard that we have some friends who can't attend for various conflicts so we will have the space to invite her and the rest of the circle.  PS - No, invites have NOT gone out yet so it's not a B listing invite.  But we did send out STD to our OOT guests which is why we're hearing about people who cannot attend already.
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