Who to Invite Question

JudyW7

Okay, this has been bugging me. I am planning my second wedding (FI's second as well). He told me he doesn't mind about any of the details whatever makes me happy. His first wedding was just a backyard wedding, and mine was a big, church wedding with 150+ guests, 7 bm, 7 gm, horse and carriage, and the whole nine yards.

I have always dreamed of an outdoor wedding, and so I really want to do a private-type garden wedding. The problem is, I really basically want a family-and-close-friends-only ceremony, but I don't want to offend people by not inviting them. My biggest worries, for example, are people who were bridesmaids in my first wedding. There are a few who, although I would like to invite, I don't want to have as bridesmaids because I'm trying to keep it very small and intimate.

Has anyone else dealt with this issue? And also, how did you go about the topic of inviting some cousins (the ones I'm super close to) and not others? Please help! Any ideas or suggestions are appreciated!!!

whitsy

Invite whoever you want. I think people understand second weddings for both being more low key and intimate. And that's exactly what you say if someone, rudely, asks if they're invited. "We're keeping it more low key and intimate this time. How's the bean dip?"

and redirect the conversation.

You can invite some cousins and not others, but most people suggest inviting in circles. All first cousins but not second cousins, for example. I have a pretty tight knit family and there would be serious drama if some cousins weren't invited, so just something to consider.

JudyW7

Thanks for the replies, ladies! The reason I asked about cousins is because I have A LOT of first cousins (my mom was one of 12!) and so there are certain ones I'm a lot closer too, etc ...

But thanks again!

shellydiane82085

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-to-invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7fe7e22a-d7b2-4f68-9be8-38daa30bb98cPost:9b296ab4-31ff-48de-83ce-fcbf2ffd165f">Re: Who to Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Invite whoever you want. I think people understand second weddings for both being more low key and intimate. And that's exactly what you say if someone, rudely, asks if they're invited. "We're keeping it more low key and intimate this time. How's the bean dip?" and redirect the conversation. You can invite some cousins and not others, but most people suggest inviting in circles. All first cousins but not second cousins, for example. I have a pretty tight knit family and there would be serious drama if some cousins weren't invited, so just something to consider.
Posted by whitsy[/QUOTE]

<div>This.</div>

Kate61487

If there are cousins you're closer to, to the point they're more like close friends, I'd say that's fine.  If you're looking at inviting half and not the other half that could get awkward, but only you know your family dynamic.

Summer2011Bride

Invite whoever you want. If I was a BM in someone's first wedding, I wouldnt assume I was one for the second or even invited to the second. People will understand if you tell them when they inquire that you are having a smaller, more intimate wedding.

Regarding cousins, I think it's perfectly OK to invite only those you are closest to. If it was inviting 10/12, then I might say just suck it up and invite the last two so it didn't seem like you were alienating one or two people. But if you wanted to invite like 4/12 or something like that, I don't see an issue.

JudyW7

Thanks for all the advice ladies! I think I'm just going to sit down with FI and write out a big list of all cousins, close friends, etc, and see how many it actually comes up to, then narrow it down from there if it's too big. I appreciate all the help!