Is this rude?

annieravensfan528

My FI's best friend is getting married 9/15/2012. I'm friends with the bride-to-be but we're not close. We both had talked about wedding dates before either of us had gotten engaged (just making conversation) and we both said 9/15/2012. I thought it was a funny coincidence lol. They got engaged first so they got the date.

Anyways, my FI's and I's 4 year dating anniversary is on 9/29/2012 and I thought it would be cool to get married on that date as well. Is it too close? I text her and asked if it was okay (I didn't want it to interfer with their honeymoon) and she said "it should be okay". But I don't want her to feel like I'm trying to out-do her wedding you know?

Would you feel angry is someone you knew got married so close to your own date? I don't wanna be a pushover but I don't want her upset either.

PS: Idk if this helps but our weddings are gonna be completely different, they're having a huge evening wedding and we're having a small brunch wedding at a family member's backyard/barn.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense, it's been a stressful week haha.

ootmother2

Dating anniversaries don't count if you're over 18 so go with your plans.  No problemo

annieravensfan528

Okay thank you I needed that reassurance haha

misssunshine17

She gets ONE day, you get ONE day. I think it's nice that you even moved your off the original date. Happy Planning!!

LittleMissCutiePie

For your wedding, you get a day. Not a week, not a month, not a year. One day. You could have it whenever you want, and she wouldn't have a right to get upset. Just plan it when YOU want, and leave it at that. Don't make her feel like her wedding is any more important than yours.

levanlaere

I could not have said it better than littlemiss!

RaptorSLH

[QUOTE]Dating anniversaries don't count if you're over 18 
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Pfff.  Sez you.</div><div>
</div><div>OP, if you were immediate family with a large shared guest list, it might be more of a problem.  But because both couples are friends, most of the guest list, as well as those sharing the financial burden, will be different.  Sounds fine to me.

</div>

Starfish0116

Just go with it. That sounds a lot like my situation.

A friend of ours got engaged to his girlfriend (I think they've been together 1.5-2 years), and immediately picked their 9/15 date and venue. FI is a GM and I'm the photographer. 

Fast forward, we got engaged a week before Christmas. We went through a TON of dates before finally settling on 9/29 because it's what worked for us, our families, and my other vendors/friends that I wanted to use. 

We had to go with the same venue due simply to the size of our wedding and that being the only place that will accommodate us. Honestly, I'm just not worried about it. I was at first, but we've been together for 12 years and as long as it's not the exact same day as someone else I'm fine. I think there is a chance they might be on their honeymoon and while I'm sad because I'd love for them to be there - it's not enough for me to change the date.

Our weddings will be very different in setup, design, decor, and formality - so I'm too worried. Only a handful of our guests will overlap.

AlmostMrsStrong

FI and I are getting married on our five year anniversary. Go for it!

Grits8812

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-rude-22?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ff2fcff-a9ad-4072-bc71-72f64438a278Post:c48529b5-eed2-493d-871c-79c427b44e53">Re: Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]For your wedding, you get a day. Not a week, not a month, not a year. One day. You could have it whenever you want, and she wouldn't have a right to get upset. Just plan it when YOU want, and leave it at that. Don't make her feel like her wedding is any more important than yours.
Posted by LittleMissCutiePie[/QUOTE]
This.<div>
</div><div>It isn't like yours is the very next day with all the same guests.  Plan it for whenever you want.</div>

davenport52803

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-rude-22?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ff2fcff-a9ad-4072-bc71-72f64438a278Post:3a620653-53bc-4834-878b-8acb97068d67">Re: Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]Dating anniversaries don't count if you're over 18 so go with your plans.  No problemo
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

Maybe in your opinion, but there are several million Americans who can't get married due to their sexual orientation, so to them, they do count. I was with my partner for 7 years before getting married was even an option, and to me, those years still count.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-rude-22?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ff2fcff-a9ad-4072-bc71-72f64438a278Post:74406db8-0aba-40fc-aa6a-960431a412b3">Re: Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this rude? : Maybe in your opinion, but there are several million Americans who can't get married due to their sexual orientation, so to them, they do count. I was with my partner for 7 years before getting married was even an option, and to me, those years still count.
Posted by davenport52803[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't think OOT was trying to say that the years together dating don't count, just that - in her opinion - celebrating the particular date can be a little silly, since adults, unlike teenagers, usually don't have a "will you be my boyfriend" moment.  No one is trying to devalue anyone's relationship here.</div>

kmrort

We are getting married at the opposite ends of the same month.  It's not a problem for us.  9/29 is my birthday and it is soo wonderful to know that so many of you are getting married on that day!!!  It's a fantastic day!   BTW we are also getting married on our anniversary.  It's cute.

francienyc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-rude-22?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ff2fcff-a9ad-4072-bc71-72f64438a278Post:a749e627-da94-41a4-aa75-02520d697211">Re: Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]She gets ONE day, you get ONE day. I think it's nice that you even moved your off the original date. Happy Planning!!
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes!  That's like in Sex and the City when Charlotte is getting married and goes 'it's my week' and Miranda looks at her and goes "It's your *day.*  You get a *day.*"  Hilarious, but absolutely true.</div>

mollyehren

I am getting married on my 2 year anniversary and my brother is getting married exactly 6 weeks later and met his fiancee the same week I met mine. Nobody is upset at all. Go ahead and do the date you wnat.

Pookieson

I think you are fine, if you aren't sharing a guest list no biggy.  And as far as the celebrating anniversary stuff goes, we don't have one of those anniversaries because we don't know what *day* it is.  It's in April at sometime when our first date was, but yeah, that's all we know.  We don't celebrate a particular date and I've actually read it's bad luck to celebrate anniversaries before marriage (to the poster with a partner, your situation is soooo very different, and incredibly unfair might I add, you should do whatever works for you)

JanoBean75

H and I got married on our 7-year anniversary. We never made a big deal to others about our anniversary (to be honest, no one really cares about other peoples' anniversaries anyway), but to us each anniversary was important. I think what you're doing is fine.