Ex-Bridesmaid Invite to Shower?

ckollstedt

Hello all, I posted a little while ago about a bridesmaid that was waffling on being a part of the wedding party.  She ended up dropping out because of her school/ financial situation (she's student teaching right now, and is literally living off of student loans because she doesn't have time to work, let alone extra funds buy a dress).  She will attend the wedding, but she doesn't want/ can't afford the 'bells and whistles' of being a bridesmaid.  I'm fine with her attending as a guest; her friendship is more important to me than her sitting down vs. standing up for my big day.

My question is: should my MOH invite her to the bridal shower?  She's one of my best friends and I want her there as a friend, not as an "obligated" BM.  My MOH will make it clear that no gifts are needed or wanted.  But I'm worried that this situation is just what my ex-BM wanted to avoid!  Any suggestions? 

Kate61487

I'd still invite her b/c you want to have her there, but don't be surprised or hurt if she doesn't show.  The point of a shower is to 'shower' the bride with gifts, so regardless of what your MOH says she may be uncomfortable coming empty handed.

hellerc1

I would invite her. I think the line comes when they would be invited to a pre-wedding party and not the wedding that's really rude. But if you want her there invite her. If she can come great but like above if she can't don't be upset.

[Deleted User]

I would invite her, I think to go from BM to not invited to shower is pretty harsh as the shower is for close friends of the bride.  

If I were her I would just buy a gift I could afford, no biggie.  

Irishcurls

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ex-bridesmaid-invite-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7fff030d-bf7f-48e0-854e-8383856d76e8Post:9c77f17a-5da5-461a-8534-abf7e7b7dc93">Re: Ex-Bridesmaid Invite to Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd invite her.  Close friends are generally invited to showers whether or not they are in the wedding party.  I wouldn't have your MOH mention anything about gifts to her.  It would be rude to say, "Everyone knows you're poor," even with the best intentions.  Just invite her and let her decide whether or not to attend.
Posted by katelynbrian[/QUOTE]
This. Plus you can get creative on a budget for this kind of thing--she doesn't have to get you a big gift off your registry. She'll be able to figure out what she can afford and will rsvp accordingly. 

Loopyseven

I think you should invite her.  I'd feel left out if I went from declining being a bridesmaid to not even getting invited to the shower.  Let her decide if she wants to attend and/or bring a gift.  Don't take the choice away from her.

[Deleted User]

I would stil invite her.