FSIL in Wedding Party?

arbarnett

My future sister in law just recently found out she wasn't in my wedding party and blew a gasket.  She called my fiance, called their father too and was asking how could this be and doesn't she (meaning me) know that your sister has to be in the wedding party, etc. This was never discussed and she's acting like she was actually booted like it was implied that she would be in my wedding party. I like her very much and she's been great to me and I would love to have her be a part of the wedding party.  However, our wedding is going to be VERY small, only 25-30 people in total.  I feel we're already pushing it having 3 people each in our wedding party as that will equal 8 people standing and as few as 17 in the audience during the ceremony.  My own sister is my MOH and my two best friends for YEARS (one of whom's wedding I was in in October and the other's who I will be in next spring) are the BMs. 

Is it expected/required to invite your future SIL to be a member of your wedding party even if you're only having 25-30 guests in total?

Thanks all.

HandBanana

It is not expected of course. Your WP your choice. 

FSIL needs to calm down and accept your decision.

aragx6

I think she's way overreacting. There's no rule that says FSIL's must be int he wedding party, though if you like her it's certainly looked well upon.

All you can do is stick to your guns, apologize profusely if she was under the impression she'd be in the wedding, and explain the reasons you just stated above. Hopefulyl she'll come around.

Think she'd like to be a reader?

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fsil-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:801d3429-5fab-495a-a333-3c2509cc0affPost:2ad88da7-b729-4172-bb16-db6d702e3421">Re: FSIL in Wedding Party?</a>:
[QUOTE]No, it is not required that your FSIL is in your wedding party.  However, some do think siblings are an automatic WP member and it sounds like your FSIL is one of these people. I don't think it is right of her to call around raising hell because she is not a BM. If it means a lot to your FI to have her included, she can stand on his side.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]


This. 

arbarnett

My fiance is actually far less stressed about this than I am, he says this is exactly the reason we should've just gone with our parents and my sister on the beach and not dealt with these shenanigans.  He insists she's being ridiculous and that she'll just have to get over it.  I don't know why she's so upset, we're not doing a separate wedding party table or anything and she'll still be invited to the RD as well so there's nothing she's missing out on other than the annoyance of getting a dress and standing at the front with us for the 20 minutes of the ceremony.  My fiance is actually not even having his two brothers in his own wedding party because they're unreliable, but me not having his sister in my wedding party is blow up worthy?  I just don't get it.

Good call on the reading though, maybe that would make her feel like she's more a part of it. 

[Deleted User]

You are not obligated to ask anyone you don't want to. She can stand up on his side if your FI really wants her to be in the WP.

aswiszowaty

My FI and I are not having my FSIL in the wedding for many reasons, the main one being they just do not get along. We have not fully asked our entire WP yet and I know she is already assuming she is in it. We know what a war not having her in it is going to cause, so we have planned on having her read at the ceremony, as well as escort her father in at church and get her flowers ect. just to make her a feel like she is a part of our day. I am also inviting her to go with my mother , aunt and I when I go dress shopping. Now if she turns down those options then its on her...good luck!

mellimel19

It's a shame that she assumed she'd be in the wedding party, but it's certainly not required. I love my FSIL, but she is not in my bridal party.

KelaRenee

Wow.  I tihnk it's important for your FSIL to be in your WP if space allows and you want her in it!  Otherwise, of course not!

jmkaiser

I had to deal with this too only FSIL and I don't totally get along. She actually at one point told us she wasn't sure she and her FI could make it because of it. Bottom line, it's your decision and if you feel there are more important people you want standing up there with you then it's your decision.

barbie92

My FSIL isn't one of my bridesmaids. My brother also won't be a groomsman.
It isn't required. Yes I think that it is a nice gesture, but my FSIL is way too moody (at the moment she won't speak to me...she is 15) haha

brookelynpaisley

I'm in the "family should be in the wedding party" camp, unless of course they've done something heinous to betray one of you. The way I see it, they're going to be your family presumably forever. Is it really worth a lifetime of awkward and resentful  holiday dinners to not have her in the wedding party? Probably not. You can have uneven sides, and at this point - with 33% of your total guests in the wedding party - what's one more? And I'm personally not a fan of mixed-sex WPs, so my vote would be for having her on your side.