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Giving Unequal Shower Host Gifts?

The post below about gifts to shower hosts reminded me that I still haven't figure out what to do about this.

Basic situation:
-Aunt and BMs wanted to throw shower; I asked if they would all mind working together. Gave Aunt and MOH each other's info.
-Aunt has been waaaay excited and doing things super early; MOH has been waaaay busy and not very responsive to emails/phone calls.
-BM, we'll call her D, was super excited about shower; i asked if MOH had said anything to her about it and she said no but she had lots of ideas, etc. I asked if i could give my Aunt her contact info and D said yes.
-D and my Aunt have thrown themselves into shower planning, and although the shower is still technically being hosted by the whole BP + Aunt, I know that it's really Aunt and D doing 90% of the work

I don't want to do an etiquette no-no, or upset any of my other BMs, but is it ok to get Aunt and D slightly bigger thank-you gifts? (like, a larger bottle of wine than what i'm giving to the other girls or something like that?)

It looks like i don't have to give them out in front of people, from the responses to the other post, but still they might talk about what they got.  But I'd really like to acknowledge that D's gone to a lot of effort and planning and whatnot with my Aunt. So, what do you think?

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Re: Giving Unequal Shower Host Gifts?

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_giving-unequal-shower-host-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8024a4dc-4f27-44f8-b8f3-d073483e2912Post:4efa144c-ab50-4b24-8f22-f62a0473854d">Giving Unequal Shower Host Gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]The post below about gifts to shower hosts reminded me that I still haven't figure out what to do about this. Basic situation: -Aunt and BMs wanted to throw shower; I asked if they would all mind working together. Gave Aunt and MOH each other's info. -Aunt has been waaaay excited and doing things super early; MOH has been waaaay busy and not very responsive to emails/phone calls. -BM, we'll call her D, was super excited about shower; i asked if MOH had said anything to her about it and she said no but she had lots of ideas, etc. I asked if i could give my Aunt her contact info and D said yes. -D and my Aunt have thrown themselves into shower planning, and although the shower is still technically being hosted by the whole BP + Aunt, I know that it's really Aunt and D doing 90% of the work I don't want to do an etiquette no-no, or upset any of my other BMs, but is it ok to get Aunt and D slightly bigger thank-you gifts? (like, a larger bottle of wine than what i'm giving to the other girls or something like that?) It looks like i don't have to give them out in front of people, from the responses to the other post, but still they might talk about what they got.  But I'd really like to acknowledge that D's gone to a lot of effort and planning and whatnot with my Aunt. So, what do you think?
    Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]
    <div>
    </div><div>If you're giving a physical gift that's obvious, like sizes of wine bottles and everyone is getting one, then no.  But if you are doing gift cards, then nobody would know how much you spent on each person.  Or give everyone the same thing when you present the gifts together, and give the other ones something extra in private if you really want to.</div>
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    I actually sort of did this. My sister/MOH has been the main head honcho planning the shower, and while her bottle of booze is not "bigger" (it's actually the least amount volume-wise), I got her a bottle of port that was $20 while the other gifts were in the $7-$10 range. I don't think it's going to be noticeable when I give them their gifts, especially considering that the other three are all kickass even if they were cheaper, but I wanted to spoil her a little bit because she has really come out of her shell planning this thing.

    So I guess my opinion on the whole thing is that you shouldn't go with a larger amount of the same thing (i.e. regular bottle of Sutter Home vs. GIANT bottle), but maybe if you wanted to try a little harder to find something more unusual for your aunt, go ahead. And take off the price tags beforehand.
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    What if you do something more like taking the hosts who are putting in all the work out to dinner, in addition to whatever hostess gift you do? Or get them a massage, manicure, whatever. That's kind of what i did-- my sister/MOH is the one who organized my whole shower, so I techinically got her the same amount for the hostess gift, but in addition to her BM gift I brought her for a massage before the wedding.
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    I don't think it's neccessary to do the same for every thank-you. Especially if the lesser-participating hosts are each receiving different gifts from each other. Then it won't be as stand-out that the value of the two hosts who did the most work got something of more value if they ended up mentioning/discussing their gifts. I don't think the other members of the bridal party would think anything of it even if they did end up concluding the differences in values of the gifts. GL!
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    Thanks guys! I feel much better about this now... and am def NOT getting bottles of wine in diff sizes, taht was a good point lol. I'll figure it out, but I feel very good about it!
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