My goal: Avoid Rudeness

walgrrl

Hey, weird question, but I'm hoping everyone will help me in identifying possible instances of "bridal rudeness."  One of my major goals when planning our wedding is to make all of our guests feel welcomed and comfortable, so I am trying to foresee possible etiquette problems and avoid them.  We're getting very close to our wedding date now, so please help me identify things I should and should not do.  Here are the things I'm trying to avoid:

cash bar - we are paying for an open bar at our reception
gap - our cocktail hour/reception starts immediately after our ceremony
failing to include SOs - we are not only inviting all SOs, but also allowing all truly single guests to bring a date
registry info on invitations - obviously, we are avoiding this, except my Mom put our registry info on my shower invitations, but I've been told this is OK?
dollar dances, honeymoon registry - not doing either one
splitting up WP from dates - we are either doing a sweetheart table, or head table will include all SOs, are both of these options OK?
Inviting people to shower, but not wedding - everyone on shower guest list is also on wedding guest list
B-List - there is only one guest list and everyone will get their invitation at the same time
Tiered Reception - everyone is invited to the entire event (ceremony, dinner, dancing, and dessert)

Please tell me, am I forgetting anything?  What else should I avoid?  I don't want to accidentally do anything rude and offend all our loved ones!  Thanks

Hummingbird125

There are countless rude things a bride can do to their guests - just read through the posts on this board and you'll see a vast array of examples! It sounds like you haven't done anything against ettiquette so far, and have been doing your research, so I wouldn't stress about it.

Kate61487

ditto PP; there are countless possibilities.  Some additional ones: 
-make sure to individually greet/thank each of your guests. 
-Start on time. 
-Have a seat for every guest for the duration of the wedding (from ceremony-end of reception). 
-Have water available throughout (I've been to a lot of weddings where they clear everything, including water glasses, as soon as the dancing gets going - b/c of that I made sure that my venue left water glasses and even left extras with pitchers of water on the end of the bar so guests wouldn't have to have a bartender get them a glass of water)
-have table assignments if you have over, like, 50 guests (I know this isn't exactly rude, but I appreciate when I get to sit with my friends and don't have to hunt down a table with enough seats).

walgrrl

Thank you! Those are all great suggestions. I seriously can't believe any bride or groom would leave their guests without enough chairs!! I just thought of one more thing: I'm going to make sure to get our thank you notes out in a timely manner. My goal is to have them in the mail within one month of returning from our honeymoon. It's an ambitious goal, but I'm sure I can do it.

MuppetOverlord

-Have water available throughout -- hey good point. That's happened to me before in July.

lilphillips14

I never thought about the water thing!

lodonnell616

Know that despite your attempts to include SO's up front...there's always going to be someone who ends up with a new SO right as you have your invites printed and assembled...

misshart00

In Response to Re:My goal: Avoid Rudeness:[QUOTE]I agree with almost all of these but we are having a small wedding. Mansion only holds 150 and we are having about 110 at the wedding and 100 at the jack and jill we call it engagement/dinner party in honor of upcoming wedding to be classy and so people know there wont be silly tasteless money raising games. Anyways...we invited most people to both but a few are only invited to one or the other. I dont see how this is rude. If anything it allows them to be part of my wedding celebration without taking up two summer weekends and without having to buy two gifts. Also, we didnt want to be tacky and and do a honeymoon registry even though I personally like the idea I know most oppose it and we didnt want to call it a green back for obvious reasons. What do you ladies think people will bring for gifts we are hoping for cash because of how we titled the event and because we didnt register anywhere?? Posted by marycordeau[/QUOTE]

Wait, you invited people to a prewedding party that aren't invited to the wedding and are calling it a jack and Jill so people will give you cash?

efmcc67

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-goal-avoid-rudeness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8042cc8b-4acd-4fbb-986c-5cd546af3a7bPost:f8f8282b-3516-4371-ba4d-dd6bb98892ad">Re:My goal: Avoid Rudeness</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with almost all of these but we are having a small wedding. Mansion only holds 150 and we are having about 110 at the wedding and 100 at the jack and jill we call it engagement/dinner party in honor of upcoming wedding to be classy and so people know there wont be silly tasteless money raising games. Anyways...we invited most people to both but a few are only invited to one or the other. I dont see how this is rude. If anything it allows them to be part of my wedding celebration without taking up two summer weekends and without having to buy two gifts. Also, we didnt want to be tacky and and do a honeymoon registry even though I personally like the idea I know most oppose it and we didnt want to call it a green back for obvious reasons. What do you ladies think people will bring for gifts we are hoping for cash because of how we titled the event and because we didnt register anywhere??
Posted by marycordeau[/QUOTE]

<div>If you invite someone to a pre-wedding party, then you need to invite them to the wedding. Otherwise, you're saying "please give me a present/money but don't come to my wedding." Sorry, but that <em>is</em> rude.</div>

Tandksmommy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-goal-avoid-rudeness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8042cc8b-4acd-4fbb-986c-5cd546af3a7bPost:f8f8282b-3516-4371-ba4d-dd6bb98892ad">Re:My goal: Avoid Rudeness</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with almost all of these but we are having a small wedding. Mansion only holds 150 and we are having about 110 at the wedding and 100 at the jack and jill we call it engagement/dinner party in honor of upcoming wedding to be classy and so people know there wont be silly tasteless money raising games. Anyways...we invited most people to both but a few are only invited to one or the other. I dont see how this is rude. If anything it allows them to be part of my wedding celebration without taking up two summer weekends and without having to buy two gifts. Also, we didnt want to be tacky and and do a honeymoon registry even though I personally like the idea I know most oppose it and we didnt want to call it a green back for obvious reasons. What do you ladies think people will bring for gifts <strong>we are hoping for cash</strong> because of how we titled the event and because we didnt register anywhere??
Posted by marycordeau[/QUOTE]

If I read this properly and you are hoping for cash---That right there just screams RUDE and money hungry. You shouldn't be hoping for cash. You should be hoping that any one of the people invited to your wedding actually show up if they ever found out what your underlying reasons are. Greedy.

If I read this wrong and you think people might THINK that you are hoping for cash---You need to invite them to the wedding if they are invited to the party. It's up to them if they want to burn up 2 summer weekends to attend both. Don't make that decision for them.