Really lady, really?

DanniLynn88

So my wedding is less than a week away! YAY!

My FI and I have two separate friends getting married soon. One couple, my best friend, is getting married the end of June, she's doing everything she should be, and keeping us informed(we are in her wedding, as she in ours), and she sent out invites and all right on time and everything. Well my FI was asked to be his friend's groomsman. Okay, np... that was right after we got engaged in August. Then we heard nothing. We sent invites to our shower(co-ed) and wedding and got no RSVP. You can imagine how mad I was, I mean you are planning your own wedding, the week after ours, at least have the courtesy to call or something. Well we finally got ahold of them and they are busy with wedding stuff, okay, I mean you could come to our wedding for like 3 hours, but you don't need to, but the RSVP would have been nice.

So last week, two weeks before their wedding, we got their invite. As if short notice wasn't bad enough, the envelope was black, ok I understand new age things, maybe I'm just traditional, but I don't think black envelopes for weddings are good. Then it's addressed to "Dan + Abby Smith.". Is it just me or aren't invites for formal events supposed to be addressed to Mr. and Mrs. with full names not nicknames. On top of we aren't married yet so that isn't my last name yet. 

SO that's not it. Inside they had a card where like an RSVP would go, black envelope too. Not addressed or stamped. And it had a card asking for money for a honeymoon.

I was in shock. Just had to rant for a minute. I mean obviously it must be super casual but still, its a wedding. 

mtbentley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-lady-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:808b7727-f0cf-4554-b1ad-45494bf8d0f9Post:432c36bb-dda2-4ce4-a7e5-16e4acb6e1a6">Re: Really lady, really?</a>:
[QUOTE]If it is casual, I find it totally fine to not do titles.  However, you aren't Smith yet, so they shouldn't have addressed it that way. <strong>How does one address a black envelope?</strong>
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Silver sharpie?</div><div>
</div>

Loopyseven

H stood up in a wedding like that.  We got in the invitation 3 weeks before the wedding.  H was a groomsman and had to call the groom 2 weeks before the wedding all "what do I need to wear cause we're going on vacation and will be out of town until the day before your wedding".  The wedding itself was kind of a trainwreck.  Open bar though - so there's that.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-lady-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:808b7727-f0cf-4554-b1ad-45494bf8d0f9Post:6ec4e073-f7ab-419b-a5f1-21d1616fb757">Re: Really lady, really?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Really lady, really? : I disagree.  The outer envelope should always use titles.  <strong>This is the envelope for the postal employees to see, and it should contain proper titles.</strong>  The inner envelope can be more casual because that is for the persons who are invited to see.  As for using his last name before you are married - what were they thinking? Black envelopes - what next?  My daughter's were royal blue, though. If I were the OP, I would buy them a really tacky vase as a wedding present.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>Does the PO really care about "proper titles?"  Most of my mail does not have a title.    I just can't get all upset at not having a Mr or Ms, Mrs whatever on my envelope?</div><div>
</div><div>Your wedding is the week before their's right?  If yes and assuming they know you are taking his name then maybe they were trying to acknowledge you will be married by the time of the wedding?   </div><div>
</div><div>IDK, I would be really annoyed at not RSVPing and the invite being received 2 weeks before the wedding, but the rest of the stuff does not seem like a big deal to me.  However, I understand how it all builds up.</div><div>
</div>

ErinG93

The postal service reads envelopes from the 'bottom up.' Zip code, city, state, address. They don't even look at the name on the envelope. You could address outgoing mail to "Angelina Jolie" and it would still go to the street address, whether Angelina Jolie lived there or not.

MyUserName1

Pretty sure the post office doesn't give two shiits about "proper" titles.  

I definitely addressed some envelopes to Jane & John Doe.  Nobody got all het up over it as far as I know.  (Also, we used royal blue envelopes and addressed them in silver sharpie)

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-lady-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:808b7727-f0cf-4554-b1ad-45494bf8d0f9Post:c892e6b1-aabc-42b7-b7ad-f01bfbf42ca1">Re: Really lady, really?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ladies, you are right.  The post office does not care how you are addressed.  I CARE how I am addressed.  It makes me frown to receive mail that is not properly addressed.  I feel it is disrespectful. When a relative writes to me, <strong>they address the letter to Mrs. John Doe</strong>.  When I open the letter, it says, " Dear Christine". If somebody really wants to piss me off, just address me as "Occupant" .
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>Now see, this is where I feel disrespected.     I HATE being called Mrs John Doe on anything other than a combined envelope where it says Mr and Mrs John Doe.  If the enevelope is for only me you better be using my name.</div>

MyUserName1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-lady-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:808b7727-f0cf-4554-b1ad-45494bf8d0f9Post:6f80fec2-065d-4fef-b6a4-9e2c6c075bd6">Re: Really lady, really?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Really lady, really? : The nerve of you!  Your marriage won't be valid now.
Posted by Holly4212011[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh well, I guess we'll just continue to live in sin.</div>

MyUserName1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-lady-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:808b7727-f0cf-4554-b1ad-45494bf8d0f9Post:474c4a94-3bf9-4c03-887e-e50685b20237">Re: Really lady, really?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Really lady, really? : Damn sinners.  You're going straight to hell.  You know that, right?  Okay, good.
Posted by Holly4212011[/QUOTE]

<div>In a handbasket.  I've got room if you want me to save you a seat.</div>

MyUserName1

Yes, but my handbasket has lots of alcohol and a picnic.  Winning.

MyUserName1

Girl, it is not to late to cancel your limo reservation and join Chrissy and me on the picnic to hell.

LeiselEB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-lady-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:808b7727-f0cf-4554-b1ad-45494bf8d0f9Post:88b4ce6d-3a2b-4028-8ffe-ce13da69a2ab">Re: Really lady, really?</a>:
[QUOTE]OK, tonight is getting silly.  I should have a glass of wine.  (Love the kitty, crfb!)  Where do you get your information?  I don't find it in any etiquette guide.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>The formality of the wedding should be reflected in the invitation. A BBQ wedding with the use of very formal titles and formal verbage wouldn't correctly reflect the formality of the wedding itself. That's what crfb is referring to.</div>

PJSPJS

Yes, including a card asking for money for the honeymoon is tacky, no matter what color the envelopes may be.

hannahmassey

Me too. I write mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, kids first names, etc. The post office only cares about addresses.

hannahmassey

In Response to Re:Really lady, really?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Really lady, really?:In Response to Re: Really lady, really? : I disagree.nbsp; The outer envelope should always use titles.nbsp; This is the envelope for the postal employees to see, and it should contain proper titles.nbsp; The inner envelope can be more casual because that is for the persons who are invited to see.nbsp; As for using his last name before you are married what were they thinking? Black envelopes what next?nbsp; My daughter's were royal blue, though. If I were the OP, I would buy them a really tacky vase as a wedding present.Posted by CMGrUmmm, since when? nbsp;I have addressed things to "Mother" nbsp;it is what we call my grandmother with her address and it has gotten to her just fine. nbsp;The USPS does not care what the name is on the envelope. Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

I meant to quote this.

[Deleted User]

WTF. CMGr, you have the weirdest posts ever. Who are you even talking to with the wine and Two and a Half Men comments?

Also, I had no idea people got so pissy over not having a Mr. or Mrs. in front of their names on an envelope. People really care that much about this?

[Deleted User]

When people get so pissy over such little things, I feel sorry for them. It must be hard to walk around all clenched and angry all the time.

[Deleted User]

I'm happy if people spell (or say, for that matter) my name right. It wouldn't even occur to me to be mad over a missing "Mrs."

lobster93

Sounds like someone might need an enema.

Maggie0829

People who care how their name is written on envelopes...you do realize that you most likely just rip the envelope up and then throw them in the trash right?  So wouldn't that be considered disrespectful to your name or the person who addressed the envelope by destroying it and putting it in the garbage? LOL!

I could careless how an envelope is addressed to me.  For all I care it could be addressed to Mrs. Pain in the A$$.  The envelope is not important but what is located inside of the envelope is...because a lot of times they are birthday cards from my relatives that contain checks and/or cash!  The only time I care about having my name correctly written is when a check is made out to me

heatherfitz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-lady-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:808b7727-f0cf-4554-b1ad-45494bf8d0f9Post:c8d6d817-31b6-439c-baed-6b9da6ea7f42">Re: Really lady, really?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Really lady, really? : Is this the cartoon bunny book?  It. was. awesome.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

If it's the book I'm thinking about, it's the one written by notorious womanizer Tucker Max. Hilarious as hell.

DanniLynn88

I'm not mad I didn't have a Mrs. I'm mad she used a nickname spelt wrong. And with a last name I have yet to take.

HeathenSwan

I didn't realize that white envelopes were the only acceptable color for an invitation. Also, if someone addressed my invitation as Firstname Lastname, I'd be fine with that. I find that I'm always excited to be thought of by my friends and loved ones, and included in their event. I don't care how they address me.

I'm also glad my Mother isn't judgmental. She may not be in love with everything I do, but she isn't going to come to a message board and roll her eyes at my envelope colors.

The thing that ticks me off is when people are trying to be overly formal ("The honour of your presence is requested... blah blah blah), but they write the date as follows:

"The Twenty Third of November, Two Thousand and Twelve"

There should be a hyphen between twenty and third. And, for the love of all things good in the world, there is no 'and' between the year!! Disney is wrong, there is no hundred AND one. And implies a decimal (100.1). Large numbers are read, and written as 'one hundred one', 'two thousand twelve', 'four million, nine hundred thirty seven thousand, thirty-four', and so on.

That said, I wouldn't car one way or the other if I received an invitation worded wrong, unless it was from some etiquette führer, then I'd just laugh at it and let it go.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-lady-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:808b7727-f0cf-4554-b1ad-45494bf8d0f9Post:3928398a-0946-4289-9edc-e9091d64b975">Really lady, really?</a>:
[QUOTE]So my wedding is less than a week away! YAY! My FI and I have two separate friends getting married soon. One couple, my best friend, is getting married the end of June, she's doing everything she should be, and keeping us informed(we are in her wedding, as she in ours), and she sent out invites and all right on time and everything. Well my FI was asked to be his friend's groomsman. Okay, np... that was right after we got engaged in August. Then we heard nothing. <strong>We sent invites to our shower</strong>(co-ed) and wedding and got no RSVP. You can imagine how mad I was, I mean you are planning your own wedding, the week after ours, at least have the courtesy to call or something. Well we finally got ahold of them and they are busy with wedding stuff, okay, I mean you could come to our wedding for like 3 hours, but you don't need to, but the RSVP would have been nice. So last week, two weeks before their wedding, we got their invite. As if short notice wasn't bad enough, the envelope was black, ok I understand new age things, maybe I'm just traditional, but I don't think black envelopes for weddings are good. Then it's addressed to "Dan + Abby Smith.". Is it just me or aren't invites for formal events supposed to be addressed to Mr. and Mrs. with full names not nicknames. On top of we aren't married yet so that isn't my last name yet.  SO that's not it. Inside they had a card where like an RSVP would go, black envelope too. Not addressed or stamped. And it had a card asking for money for a honeymoon. I was in shock. Just had to rant for a minute. I mean obviously it must be super casual but still, its a wedding. 
Posted by DanniLynn88[/QUOTE]

Everyone else talked about the name thing, but this stuck out to me.  You didn't plan your own shower did you?

Sephiroth

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-lady-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:808b7727-f0cf-4554-b1ad-45494bf8d0f9Post:4c46858a-4e60-4d79-a5d3-ec14ce002fd5">Re:Really lady, really?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not mad I didn't have a Mrs. I'm mad she used a nickname spelt wrong. And with a last name I have yet to take.
Posted by DanniLynn88[/QUOTE]

Being irritated they misspelled your nickname is reasonable.

Being irritated they used a nickname is not.

Being irritated they used your about to be taken on married name is not. They were likely trying to reflect that by the time you attended their wedding, that *would* be your last name. While I wouldn't do it, it's not a heinous sin.