mom insists I invite her friends...

erikadiehl

 I was worried because my mother has a restraining order against my father but that seems to be the least of her drama. Her most recent faux-pas was throwing a huge fit that I am not inviting her circle of friends. She is going through midlife crisis and has adopted a new circle of friends, friends whom she normally keeps me away from because she does not want her "children" around - I'm 23. She proceeded to make me feel really guilty, but I made up my mind that these people are not important to me and FI and I should not have to pay for them. (We are paying for everything on our own). She offered to pay for them, which only made me madder because she had already said she did not have money to help us. I have been to several weddings where I didn't know anyone but the the bride and groom- they are who you are there for- not to hang out with your friends. I told her she could bring a date and that she would hardly have time to hang out with her friends because she will be taking pictures and meeting FI's family. Then after our engagement party she proceeded to THREATEN that if I invite my stepmom's best friend (I was never planning on inviting her either) SHE WILL NOT COME TO MY WEDDING!!!! It is my wedding and I feel that I can invite whomever I want!!! I do not plan on inviting this woman but a mother SHOULD NEVER threaten they will not go to their own daughters wedding, especially over something SO SELFISH!!!! I just have the feeling my mother will continue on this track- how do I nip it in the bud without her trying to control EVERYTHING?

zippityb

Older parentfriends are usually the one who give the best wedding presents. Jus' sayin'.

Beachy730

Your mom sounds like she's going to be a lot of fun for you during this process. 

I would just tell her "Our guest list is our concern, and we will invite who we wish.  I'm sorry you feel that way, and I hate to think my own mother thinks so little of me that she would not attend my wedding just because of someone who may or may not be invited."

Anytime she argues something with you, I would just  change the subject, walk away, or hang up the phone.  My MIL gave us random opinions, and would challenge our ideas on certain things, and I would really just ignore her or say I'll keep it in y mind.  Then I would laugh with H when we got in the car about how ridiculous she is about things. 

squirrly

Mom, we appreciate that suggestion.  We'll take it under advisement.  Could I get you another slice of cake?

Don't agree to anything, and don't rule anything out.  Just be polite and change the subject.  Don't share plans with her - just plan on your own.  When the invites go out and her friends don't get them, she may have forgotten by then and be focused on something else.  If she revisits it, say, "Mom, I appreciate your concern.  However, we weren't able to invite everyone for a variety of reasons, so we kept the list to those closest to FI and I.  I hope you'll attend, and enjoy the day.  If you'd like to do lunch with your girlfriends and FI and myself after the honeymoon, we'd be happy to do so."

The biggest thing is just don't argue with her.  She can only argue if you argue back.  End the conversation, change the subject, or leave if you have to. 

bellebride116

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mom-insists-invite-her-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80f13677-70f3-4b8b-a831-776f790618b8Post:850c9d56-2a27-4a7f-b1bc-b5908d049a8f">Re: mom insists I invite her friends...</a>:
[QUOTE]Older parentfriends are usually the one who give the best wedding presents. Jus' sayin'.
Posted by zippityb[/QUOTE]

<div>LOL, soooo true! We ended up inviting my parents friends, since they were hosting, we had no choice, but it worked out fine. If you are hosting and can't afford it, I would say somehting! </div>

BetsyMore

I agree with previous posters, the best thing to do is be calm and firm with her.  Just remember that you are doing NOTHING wrong.  Your wedding is about celebrating your union with the people that you love, not about providing entertainment for your parents' friends and acquaintances. Your mother is absolutely in the wrong on this.

It probably wouldn't help, but you could say, "mom, if it's that important to you, you can host a celebratory brunch for FI and me and your friends" or something like that.  Then, if it's REALLY about her wanting to introduce you to her friends or celebrate your wedding with them, she can. Otherwise, she's just being a drama queen and trying to manipulate you.

erikadiehl

appreciate the advice girls!!! thanks!!