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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Future sister in law

I am having a bit of an issue with my future sister in law and I'd really like to get opinions to see if I am overreacting to the situation(s!)  Here is what we are dealing with: his youngest sister is 17 and like all 17 year olds, walks that fine line between maturity and extreme immaturity.  She is extremely self absorbed and spoiled rotten yet the family turns a blind eye, except for my fiance who wont tolerate it for a second.

As we planned our guest list for the wedding, we decided that if you are under 21, you do not get a plus-one invite; we have to be budget conscious and also do not want to take on the liability of a possible underage guest getting drunk and injured. Little sister did not take kindly to this and refused to speak to us until we caved and said she could bring her HS boyfriend (I'm still not happy about it).  Now, after she 'won' that, last night she became visibly upset over our guest list because her OTHER sister's best friend is not invited.  This girl in question is not our friend, not a family member and certainly not someone we would consider inviting. At a formal dinner last night, little sister threw a complete fit about this; crying, sulking (in public!) etc. because SHE considers this girl like family and now of course, will not speak to us AGAIN.

Neither of us are planning to give in on this; we have no attachments to this other friend and frankly, no desire for her to attend. His family is a bit put off that we have 'upset S******* for such a silly reason'.  As I said, she is coddled still at 17 and very used to getting her way through guilting those involved...

Are we being unreasonable? I am still a bit prickly over the '17 year old gets a plus one but my cousin who is like a brother to me and is 20, does not' so i fear i am overreacting. Your opinions are very much appreciated!  Thanks to you all!

Re: Future sister in law

  • Well, I wouldn't have caved on the boyfriend.  And I wouldn't cave on this other friend either. 

    "FSIL, we'll take your thoughts under advisement.  How about some cake?"  and leave it at that.  She doesn't need to discuss the guest list.  Neither do the rest of your relatives, frankly, if you're paying for the wedding yourselves. 
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  • Wow, that does not sound like fun. I would calmly tell her no.

    Let her throw a fit and ignore her. You don't need to be part of it.
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  • That's crazy. A 17-year-old sister doesn't get to determine the guest list for her brother's wedding. And her family (your FH's family) is actually encouraging you to do this?
  • DItto everyone else.  It's too late on the boyfriend front (who knows, maybe they'll break up before your wedding), but don't cave on the sister's best friend, that's just ridiculous.

    And throw your cousin a plus one if it means that much to you.
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  • Ugh, gross situation - I'm sorry for you!

    I agree with PP, i wouldn't have caved on her BF... but it's too late to rescind the invite.
    Don't cave on this "friend" of hers that SHE considers Family. You are not going to make 100% of the people happy... you should KEEP YOURSELVES sane and Happy (for the most part) and stand your ground.

    Is she in the WP?
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  • @MacFreitas7-- yes, she is.  That was FH's only request to please have a WP so his siblings can be included. 


    @all posters- wow! I didn't expect responses so fast!  thank you! i'm glad to know i'm not crazy.  i'd love to be able to rescind the BF invite but even my mom said to let that one go because with her personality, she'd do everything she could to let everyone know SHE was unhappy on that day; sulk, be uncooperative for pictures, etc.  Fun stuff. ;-)

  • @futuremrsTR- forgot to reply to you. ;-) if give 20 y/o cousin a plus one, my handful of college aged cousins will expect one too.  i have a very large, very close extended family.
  • IMO if she's in the WP she should have gotton a +1 anyways. But she seems like  snot and I certainly would not give in either.

  • Allow her the BF but not the other stuff. Just tell her that when it is her wedding, she can have that girl.

    But... just be prepared for the girl to show up invite or none. I somehow sense that teenagers are going to be teenagers and she's going to be there.
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  • nope you are being reasonable....

    we set an age for plus one's and we stuck to it
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  • I wouldn't have caved on the bf either. When it's her wedding she can invite all the people she wants. It's your day after all. Your FI should tell her to knock it off; enough already, and if she continues with her fits, she won't be allowed her BF, which is a privilege she was granted. If she's going to act like a child, she shoudl be treated as such, and there are consequences for poor behavior.
  • Don't cave.  Break the cycle.
    You caved on the BF.  So now she moved onto a random friend, if you cave on that friend she will move on to someone else. There is a pattern of behavior here. 
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