Thanks for the offer, I just want one shower!

MegaMultitasker

I'm currently in law school and planning our wedding.  My FI's family and mine both live in the suburbs, and are about an hour away.  I'll be finished with school in May, having the wedding early June, so there is a very narrow window of time.

In my extended family and immediate, we've always done a combined shower with Fi's family and bride's family/friends. We've never known anyone to have multiple showers, it's just a personal preference.

I can't have multiple showers for practicality reasons.  I'm basically in the library nonstop and next semester will be especially hard because of a legal writing class I have to take.  I'm doing an internship and working.  Every free weekend I get (and those are few and far between), I have to be finalizing plans, working ahead in classes, finding a place to live, packing, moving, etc.  I just don't physically have the time because I have a very full plate.

A shower has been set up during my spring break courtesy of my Bridesmaids and MOHs (sisters). 

I've gotten multiple offers from FI's relatives, FMIL friends, etc. to host a shower for me.  They offered to FMIL, which she relayed to me.  I've been upfront from the beginning (before the offers came in) and said I would really like just one and  explained my reasons.  I think she's annoyed with me and said that when she got married she had 5 showers. 

I think that might be excessive, especially when everyone lives in the same area.  I feel like I should hold firm to this, but I don't want to seem ungrateful.

(I know you don't "ask" for showers) I'm just curious is it bad form to politely decline and explain my schedule only allows for one shower?

**Forgot to add, BM's (one includes FSIL) were planning on inviting the women who offered

Beachy730

No you are perfectly fine to decline showers.  Are your BMs planning on inviting FI's family to the shower?  I only had 1 big shower, but I know a lot of brides who have multiple showers so I don't see anything wrong with that as long as its not the same people invited to all of them.  When people have multiple showers its usually, B's family, G's family, and work.  Basically different social circles.

MegaMultitasker

Thanks dnbeach, one of the BM's is Groom's sister, so she knows who should be invited from his side and can get address info from G's mom; so family  will be there.

Beachy730

Then that could be your other reasoning to tell them to, that they will be invited to the one shower so you wouldn't want them to be invited to another and feel obligated to attend both or give gifts at both. 

Are you close with FMIL or FSIL?  Maybe you could talk to them about alternative ideas.  Your Fi's family is probbaly just looking for some bonding time with you to welcome you to the family, so maybe they could host a luncheon for you the week of your wedding or something like that. 

MegaMultitasker

I'm pretty close with FMIL, I feel like she's perturbed with me about this issue though because it's different from what they do in their family.  I know his aunts and grandmas very well too, so it seems natural to have a combined family shower.   We had a combined engagement party and it went great--i don't know why she wouldn't want something similar for the shower? I don't feel like I can really talk with her about this issue, she's not taking it well.

With this upcoming shower, my sisters/Mom (b/c sister 1 is away at college) are really coordinating things, but FSIL is helping with small things here and there.  We're not super close, but we get along. 

But I really like the luncheon idea!!! That way his mom feels like she has a chance to shine and feel a part of it

Thanks!!!

tenofcups4me

It's always amazing how many little things have to be negotiated between families because everyone does things differently. My family is like yours -- 1 shower that encompasses both families and friends. But it sounds like having multiple showers might even be a "point of honor" for your FMIL, especially since she pointed out to you that she had 5.

I don't think this is something you need to give on, just at least be aware that it's a cultural difference (even if you think your families come from similar cultures!). And I do like the idea of trying to come up with something else, like a luncheon, she can manage that might help make her feel more involved. Or maybe see if one or more of those other people would like to throw the shower with your BMs as co-hosts?