Out of Town guests children..

MrsKaylaFulton

I have several guests who have children, a lot of them are toddlers and only 3 are above the age of 8. Is it rude of me to only invite the children of the out of town guests and ask the others to find a sitter for the evening?
I am aware that these children are family but If a child starts crying in the middle of the ceremony it could be a damper, im sure i could brush it off but I don't want to worry about it.
There is space in the venue to have a childs room for the kids to play in, and it is all windows and has a television. I still feel terrible about even doing that. Is there a line where I can accept some kids but not all with out hurting feelings? The wedding is only 70 people.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_out-of-town-guests-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8242c284-9e13-40eb-8e6a-8a16ffb76a71Post:e1032df0-da90-4d97-8bc6-fe17172c3b3a">Out of Town guests children..</a>:
[QUOTE]I have several guests who have children, a lot of them are toddlers and only 3 are above the age of 8. Is it rude of me to only invite the children of the out of town guests and ask the others to find a sitter for the evening? I am aware that these children are family but If a child starts crying in the middle of the ceremony it could be a damper, im sure i could brush it off but I don't want to worry about it. There is space in the venue to have a childs room for the kids to play in, and it is all windows and has a television. I still feel terrible about even doing that. Is there a line where I can accept some kids but not all with out hurting feelings? The wedding is only 70 people.
Posted by MrsKaylaFulton[/QUOTE]

If you don't want to invite children, then don't address the invites as such. If you allow children, then you need to let the parents decide whether they bring their children or make alternate arrangements. If they want to use the room at the venue, then fine, but don't please don't tell them they must use it. I am assuming it is staffed with people from the venue b/c certainly no parent would want their children left unsupervised.

As far as the ceremony goes, if a child becomes disruptive, I am sure the parents will have the courtesy and respect to remove them.

We had several kids at our wedding and everything was just fine. If the child is used to going to church, they should be just fine. I think you are overthinking this.

kcscejal

You can exclude certain children, but it's easier to do in groups like only family children, only sibling's children, etc.  Parents sometimes get offended when their kids aren't invited and others are, but just because you invite some doesn't mean you need to invite all.  It's reasonable to allow OOT guests to bring their children in my opinion.

cndycne2005

We are in a similar predicament. We're having up to 150 guests and a great deal of them have kids. I've been to weddings where kids greatly interrupted the ceremony and I'd like to avoid that as much as possible as well. We couldn't get away with a no-kids-rule period, so we limited our child-inclusive invitations to families with nursing babies, our immediate families and friends who are travling from out of state. If all of the above children attend, we'd only have about 8 kids, which is much better than 25-30. I think I read somewhere that if you at least have defined limits, and aren't just picking and choosing, then it's ok. And you wouldn't even have to tell them to find sitters - just don't include their children on the inviations. They should get the hint.

ckollstedt

I can see why you'd want to allow out-of-town guests the option of bringing their children with them to the celebration; but if I were an "in-town" guest, I might be offended that other guests got to bring their children and I didn't-- just because of where I lived.  Just be aware that this may be a sore point for some of your guests, if they get to the ceremony/ reception and see that their kids weren't included and others were.

I agree with the comment that if you have a kids' room, you need to have someone to watch them.

Good luck!

NOLAbridealmost

That seems like a nice thing to do for your OOT guests.  In town guests can presumably get a sitter because they are in their comfort zone and OOT guests would not have the same option...and very few people will leave their kids with a stranger. 

I have never had kids so I probably just don't "get it" but I have never understood why people who don't need to travel would get upset that kids are not invited.

NOLAbridealmost

Edit: I mean in the "no other in town guests' kids were invited either" way.  I definitely understand if your kids were, like, the ONLY ones not invited and it seemed to be a personal decision.

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_out-of-town-guests-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8242c284-9e13-40eb-8e6a-8a16ffb76a71Post:fcb77bbf-6b55-431f-ab84-3781fe7ead63">Re: Out of Town guests children..</a>:
[QUOTE]That seems like a nice thing to do for your OOT guests.  In town guests can presumably get a sitter because they are in their comfort zone and OOT guests would not have the same option...and very few people will leave their kids with a stranger.  I have never had kids so I probably just don't "get it" but I have never understood why people who don't need to travel would get upset that kids are not invited.
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

ditto, out of towners would be reluctant to use local sitters, I know i would be.

I don't see any problem with that option

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_out-of-town-guests-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8242c284-9e13-40eb-8e6a-8a16ffb76a71Post:87c62e5f-c30c-4d9b-9221-eed5b61e3af9">Re: Out of Town guests children..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Out of Town guests children.. : As far as the ceremony goes, if a child becomes disruptive, I am sure the parents will have the courtesy and respect to remove them.
Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]
I have to wonder if people who say this are living their lives with their heads buried in the sand. Haven't you encountered parents these days? Have you not read the countless stories on here of parents who didn't remove their disruptive children? Besides, even if the parents do remove the children, the disruption has already occurred. This is a ridiculous response.

james110

I had this same problem and the way we got around it was with the RSVP card.  We did an online RSVP that maxed out at 3 people so folks understood without us being harsh that kids were not really invited.  I have also seen it done on paper RSVP's.  You can say something like we have reserved ___ seats in your honor.  We hope you can join us!

For the in town guests with kids we just explained the situation individually if they asked about kids directly.  We said we are encouraging babysitters but don't want to prevent anyone from being able to come (i.e. if they have a newborn or something).  Most people understood and got a sitter with no hard feelings.

Word of caution- some out of town guests may bring there kids regardless of what you say or do.  I was completely stressed about this but unless it is a deal breaker with your venue size I would try to not get worked up over it.  If you are having a buffet style dinner you probably don't need to count all the kids in the final number since they will eat less.  

Also hopefully you will have some friends who will surprise you and not make you feel like a horrible person for not wanting kid overload.  Many of my good girlfriends told me they needed a night off and would not dream of bringing their kids to the wedding before I had even mentioned something :-)