MOB and vendor disagreements... (kinda long, sorry)

yellowrose314

Not sure if this is really etiquette related...

My mom is footing the bill for the wedding, minus one or two things FI and I are paying for. I understand that since she's paying for the wedding she gets a huge say in what goes down. My problem is, is that she's not really sticking to the budget that she set... I get that it's her money, but some things she's going over board on for no reason.

We're having a photobooth at the wedding, and there's only one company that serves our area and they charge $600 for 2 hours!! This seems like highway robbery to me (it's a pretty sweet set up, they bring props, people get a copy of the pictures right away, but still...$600 for 2 hours?! Give me a break!) so I started looking for alternatives and opted to DIY the photobooth; found a great iPad app, and when I worked it all out, found out we could do it ourselves for around $100. My mom hated this idea, said it would look cheap. I told her it was ridiculous to shell out $600 for 2 hours, that $500 of that money could be put towards something else fun like a bigger DJ package, or a candy bar, especially when if we did the booth ourselves, the time would be unlimited with it for the guests!

We're kind of at an impasse on what we're doing, she said it would be her present to us, and that it wouldn't be part of the budget but totally seperate... kind of defeats the point of having a budget, especially considering she's done this with a few other things she's bought for the wedding. I don't know how to go about telling her I do not want her spending that kind of money on something that's only for 2 hours... it just doesn't seem worth it to me... But again, it's her money... so do I ask her politely not to book the pro/expensive photobooth or just let her do what she likes?

Jen4948

Given that it's her money involved, I don't see that you can really tell her what to spend or not spend it on.  I'd let it go.

ootmother2

she who pays, says

RebeccaB88

$600 for 2 hours, including delivery, setup, and teardown would be a pretty sweet deal around here.  That's a great price.

If she wants to spend it, let her.  It's her money.  Just make sure SHE is the one who signs the contract, so she's responsible for paying it, not you.

mysi019

If its her gift to you let her do it. However if she were to say it was coming out of the budget I would be against it. And the reason I am against it is becuase i am a firm believer that it is your wedding. I watched my friend last year have the wedding her mom always wanted not what she wanted including the dress. Her mom kept pulling the...I am paying for it so it has to be what I want. No not okay with me. And I am sure people are going to not agree with me thats fine. I know when my parents and my FI parents offered us money. They told us this is what you are getting, you may use it for anything wedding related. But make good choices becuase its all you are getting. I think thats the way it should be. 

yellowrose314

The problem I have with her saying "it's a gift" is that she's using that as an excuse to get expensive things that aren't in the budget. I should also make clear, that she is in no way forcing us to get other things for the wedding that we don't like and she does because she's paying. She's been very happy with our decor/dress/vendor choices up until this point. I think it's the fact that they do the set up/tear down for us that she likes so much. In my eyes though, 2 hours just doesn't seem like enough for a photobooth; I know my people, they will be in and out of that thing all night long if they could be, and will probably be a little upset that it's only there for 2 hours. And to pay $600 for that? It just seems crazy to me... but as some of you said, it's her money, and if that's what she wants to do with it, I guess I have to cave to that.

unchatenfrance

I say be glad that you're not having the opposite problem - she says she's paying but then says that everything is too expensive! You say that the photobooth is "over budget" - did the two of you set the budget together? If she's willing to spend more money than you two initially talked about because she has the money, that's her decision. (Now, if she's going into debt to cover this, I would be saying otherwise.) I had the same problem with my mom - I thought it was silly to spend over $1000 on fresh flowers for centrepieces but my mom insisted I have fresh, not artificial flowers (one of the few things she insisted on.) But hey, her money so I rolled with it.

OliveOilsMom

Did your mom set the budget?  If so, she has every right to go over it.  I know that you mean well and are just looking out for your mom's bottom line here, but your mom clearly wants to spend her money in this way.  If you are concerned about being over budget, just cut back in other areas to compensate for the $500 difference between DIY photobooth and actual photobooth. 

j-harvey

Sounds like you and your mom just have different priorities. You value Amount of product for a certain amount of money where as she values vibe, appearance or tone. I my self share that concern of not wanting my guests to think my budget was so tight or I held the purse strings so tightly that I wouldn't spend a little more to make it look better not saying the iPad booth wouldn't be nice just that of course the pro would look more professional. If she's paying then she gets to choose her philosophy rather than yours. I would probably have the pro booth during cocktail hour if it's 2 hours or during the dancing. I've been to lots of weddings with these, and people only go through a couple of times. Ymmv.

ElleB87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mob-and-vendor-disagreements-kinda-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:824e0518-5e75-42b1-a92e-79d83c40c428Post:91b986f1-386a-46dc-8980-f54535588c4d">Re: MOB and vendor disagreements... (kinda long, sorry)</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>The problem I have with her saying "it's a gift" is that she's using that as an excuse to get expensive things that aren't in the budget</strong>. I should also make clear, that she is in no way forcing us to get other things for the wedding that we don't like and she does because she's paying. She's been very happy with our decor/dress/vendor choices up until this point. I think it's the fact that they do the set up/tear down for us that she likes so much. In my eyes though, 2 hours just doesn't seem like enough for a photobooth; I know my people, they will be in and out of that thing all night long if they could be, and will probably be a little upset that it's only there for 2 hours. And to pay $600 for that? It just seems crazy to me... but as some of you said, it's her money, and if that's what she wants to do with it, I guess I have to cave to that.
Posted by yellowrose314[/QUOTE]

To me it sounds like she's saying this to shut you up. It's her money she can spend it how she sees fit. I get that you're uncomfortable with the amount she's spending - I'd feel the same way - but I think your mom is just excited and wants to go all out. Unless you know she's in danger of losing her home or in some other huge financial crisis because of wedding expenses, it's not your place to tell her how to spend her money (even in those situations it's a pretty slippery slope).

s-aries8990

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mob-and-vendor-disagreements-kinda-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:824e0518-5e75-42b1-a92e-79d83c40c428Post:ff66592f-aa0f-4cf8-bd10-b35f2933b214">Re: MOB and vendor disagreements... (kinda long, sorry)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOB and vendor disagreements... (kinda long, sorry) : To me it sounds like she's saying this to shut you up. It's her money she can spend it how she sees fit. I get that you're uncomfortable with the amount she's spending - I'd feel the same way - but I think your mom is just excited and wants to go all out. Unless you know she's in danger of losing her home or in some other huge financial crisis because of wedding expenses, it's not your place to tell her how to spend her money (even in those situations it's a pretty slippery slope).
Posted by ElleB87[/QUOTE]

I agree with Elle; just as long as it's a gift with no future tie (I paid for this so you need to do XYZ) then just be grateful. (If she will try and make it a tit for tat then you're already in the hole...) Make sure you write her a wonderful thank you letter at the end of this and surprise her with a full wedding album if you can. You're her child and she wants to make sure she gives you the best day possible.

itzMS

I've definitely been to weddings where the parents footed the bill. While beautiful, the weddings were nothing like what I know the couple truly wanted. It comes with the territory in accepting financial contributions from parents or anyone else.

rigs32

My mom tried to do something similar. She originally gave me a set amount of money with supposedly no strings attached.  I had a small to moderate budget and all could be paid for.  She kept wanting to add what I saw as unnecessary extras.  Mom kept insisting to take the money out of her portion, but wouldn't hear me when I said that was an additional $500 (or whatever the cost) that I had to now find as I was already saving as much as possible.  Very frustrating.

yellowrose314

Yes we set the budget together. The reason we did this was because my mother, at the time, was having financial problems due to things my sister was going through, but I'd rather not get into the specifics of that. My mother has a bad habit of buy now, pay later, or buy now, regret later, or buy now, can barely manage to pay her property taxes later syndrome. I do not want her to go into debt for my wedding, that was one of the prerequisites we discussed when she offered to foot the bill, because I know that she would if no one kept a careful watch on the budget; she had no problem with this at the time.
I understand that I'm her oldest daughter, and she wants to give me the best. I think the fact that she's footing the bill all by herself (my father passed away when I was a kid), is a really big deal to her. But at the same time, I'm a worrier, and the fact that she could willingingly put herself into debt over this really bothers me.