Assigned seating

elplute

Hi everyone!

We're having assigned tables at the reception, but hadn't planned on doing assigned seating.  We have one large table where this might be an issue -- because we have family that doesn't quite fill two tables but is too big for one, we're having one table that is larger than the others.  At this table we'd like to be a little more picky about where people are sitting -- we think the evening will go much more smoothly if certain people are not seated next to each other!

Would it be terribly odd to have assigned seating for only one table?  What if we had assigned seating only for family, and friends could choose their seats at their assigned table?  Or do we simply need to assign seating for everyone if we want to assign seating for one table?

Thank you so much for all of your help!

CallaLily25

Assigned seating reminds me too much of elementary school. I can understand why it may be better if certain people don't sit next to each other, but if you're aware of this, then it's likely they are too and will choose their seats accordingly. Also, I would hope that mature adults could sit next to one another and be civil if necessary. I think it would just be awkward and draw more attention to the "issue," whatever it may be, if you do assigned seating.

J&K10910

That would be odd.  Your guests are perfectly capable of not seating themselves next to people they don't want to sit by.  I would not assign any seating (just the tables, as you've planned). 

But honestly, if you're really concerned about people getting stuck next to someone they don't want to sit by, I'd break it into two smaller tables. 

SlothGoals

If I were at the only table that had assigned seating I would wonder why. It comes across as you thinking your guests don't know better than to sit next to people they don't like. If you are dead-set on doing assigned seating for this one table then I think you should do it for all tables.

AJuliaNJ

I wouldn't do this ESPECIALLY for just one table. That would be way too obvious. Either trust them to work it out amongst themselves, or find a way to rework the tables.

mlg78

I'm sure those individuals who shouldn't sit next to someone else already are aware of this and will avoid sitting next to those other individuals.  Assign tables only, not seats.

AddieCake

If there are people who shouldn't sit next to each other, why are they even at the same table? One of my cousins doesn't speak to her mother. We sat them at different tables. 

SlothGoals

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assigned-seating-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82a0b614-f8e0-4a4a-b46d-a77f3867a0ebPost:c4fb5929-902e-457e-9b14-ad832ff64b19">Re: Assigned seating</a>:
[QUOTE]If there are people who shouldn't sit next to each other, why are they even at the same table? 
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>I was thinking this too.</div>

banana468

Why would you seat two people at the same table if they don't get along?

I'm not a fan of assigned seating.   At DH's cousin's wedding last June, we had not only assigned tables but assigned seats and MIL rearranged the seats so she would be sitting next to BIL and he would NOT be seated next to his PREGNANT WIFE.

STARMOON44

Either assign every seat or none.

elplute

Thank you for your help!

I agree, better to split it up into smaller tables instead of having one large table.  Suffice it to say that I didn't realize there was a problem with seating when we originally planned to seat everyone at the same table -- but now that I do, I agree there's no great way to just make sure everyone who might not get along sits at opposite ends of the table

And yes, they are all adults and will all behave appropriately -- I'm not worried about a brawl or anything like that!  No deep-seated rivalries.  It's less an issue of people who know they don't like each other and won't sit together, and more an issue of people who don't know each other but don't seem very compatible . . . 

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assigned-seating-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82a0b614-f8e0-4a4a-b46d-a77f3867a0ebPost:776012ab-92cf-4e6f-aebe-7f11a79458dd">Re: Assigned seating</a>:
[QUOTE]Either assign every seat or none.
Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]

This.  If you really want to keep those two people apart, then assign seats.  Otherwise, don't-and those two people may end up together anyway.

elplute

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assigned-seating-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82a0b614-f8e0-4a4a-b46d-a77f3867a0ebPost:b8239567-3796-4454-81e8-3bd25e05564e">Re: Assigned seating</a>:
[QUOTE]Why would you seat two people at the same table if they don't get along? I'm not a fan of assigned seating.   At DH's cousin's wedding last June, we had not only assigned tables but assigned seats and MIL rearranged the seats so she would be sitting next to BIL and he would NOT be seated next to his PREGNANT WIFE.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

<div>We don't know they don't get along -- just supect it.  Something along the lines of Aunt Bessie is a die-hard conservative and Uncle John is a raging liberal and they both love to talk about politics kind of a thing -- but they've never met so they won't avoid each other.  And the problem with splitting the tables up was that there aren't quite enough people from that side of the family to make 2 normal sized tables, and nobody at that table knows anyone else at the wedding.  But, it sounds like the consensus is that 2 small tables is better than the alternatives.</div>

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assigned-seating-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82a0b614-f8e0-4a4a-b46d-a77f3867a0ebPost:d1f2b93f-b1b9-4c9b-90ca-ad87febf162c">Re: Assigned seating</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Assigned seating : We don't know they don't get along -- just supect it.  Something along the lines of Aunt Bessie is a die-hard conservative and Uncle John is a raging liberal and they both love to talk about politics kind of a thing -- but they've never met so they won't avoid each other.  And the problem with splitting the tables up was that there aren't quite enough people from that side of the family to make 2 normal sized tables, and nobody at that table knows anyone else at the wedding.  But, it sounds like the consensus is that 2 small tables is better than the alternatives.
Posted by elplute[/QUOTE]



You can seat people who don't know each other at the same table. You can also put non-family at tables with family. We had a cousin and her boyfriend and sons with our groomswoman, her partner, and 2 other OOT guests.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assigned-seating-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82a0b614-f8e0-4a4a-b46d-a77f3867a0ebPost:435339ac-6323-4f6a-a7b8-66a13ad0b9f6">Re: Assigned seating</a>:
[QUOTE]Assigned seating reminds me too much of elementary school. I can understand why it may be better if certain people don't sit next to each other, but if you're aware of this, then it's likely they are too and will choose their seats accordingly. <strong>Also, I would hope that mature adults could sit next to one another and be civil if necessary.</strong> I think it would just be awkward and draw more attention to the "issue," whatever it may be, if you do assigned seating.
Posted by CallaLily25[/QUOTE]

Unfortunately, people can't always be counted upon to act like mature adults, and it's better to avoid "scenes" as much as possible by arranging for them to spend as little time in each other company as possible.

And even if they could, I prefer assigned seating at least in buffet situations where I have to carry a heavy tray of food to a table-while dressed up.  Having to hold that heavy tray while looking around for an open seat at the same time isn't conducive to my being in a joyous mood-especially if it turns out that so many people have "reserved" seats anyway and I have to go from table to table to find one, only to discover that I know no one else at the table, or I'm the only single at a table full of couples, or some other uncomfortable situation like that. 

While this isn't necessarily always the case, I'd rather not be put in that kind of situation, so I actually appreciate a table assignment because it tells me that the couple thought enough about my comfort not to expect me to walk around the room looking for a place to sit and hoping I get lucky enough to find congenial company.  I don't see it as "being told what to do" but given guidance as opposed to direction.

AJuliaNJ

In Response to Re:Assigned seating:[QUOTE]Jen, do people normally not sit down at all until after they've hit the buffet at weddings in your circle? I'm asking because even though I know you'll just avoid any logical questions I pose that conflict with your opinion, I'm honestly curious. I have never been to a wedding where people don't go in and find seats BEFORE dinner is actually served or the buffet is open, so if the norm for you is buffet then find a seat, that makes your vehement opposition to open seating at least make sense. Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I was thinking the same thing. Also, I didn't realize not assigning tables was an option we were discussing. If you have an assigned table, you will have a seat and not have to wander around with your food even in the odd case where you get your food before your seat.

AddieCake

Jen, she is for sure assigning tables; she just doesn't know if she needs to assign seats at those tables. 

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assigned-seating-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82a0b614-f8e0-4a4a-b46d-a77f3867a0ebPost:063568d9-7abf-42c3-a148-33ab1ccb560f">Re:Assigned seating</a>:
[QUOTE]Jen, do people normally not sit down at all until after they've hit the buffet at weddings in your circle? I'm asking because even though I know you'll just avoid any logical questions I pose that conflict with your opinion, I'm honestly curious. I have never been to a wedding where people don't go in and find seats BEFORE dinner is actually served or the buffet is open, so if the norm for you is buffet then find a seat, that makes your vehement opposition to open seating at least make sense.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I am wondering this too.  Typically, in my area anyways, you get to a wedding, you find your table, you plant your butt in a seat along with your purse, coat, etc to claim your spot and then get up and get a drink and talk with others.  I have never heard of walking right in to grab food from a buffet and then have to turn around and find your table and a seat.

Simply Fated

I've seen it happen a bunch of times where some people get up for the buffet and while they're up, other people jump for the now vacant seat. This is usually when there wasn't enough seats for everyone. Other times, when there should have been enough seats, people would over reserve seats for other people or use chairs to dump purses and coats on, making an empty seat hard to come by.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assigned-seating-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82a0b614-f8e0-4a4a-b46d-a77f3867a0ebPost:063568d9-7abf-42c3-a148-33ab1ccb560f">Re:Assigned seating</a>:
[QUOTE]Jen, do people normally not sit down at all until after they've hit the buffet at weddings in your circle? I'm asking because even though I know you'll just avoid any logical questions I pose that conflict with your opinion, I'm honestly curious. I have never been to a wedding where people don't go in and find seats BEFORE dinner is actually served or the buffet is open, so if the norm for you is buffet then find a seat, that makes your vehement opposition to open seating at least make sense.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

That's correct-people often get right on the buffet line.  They don't immediately look for a seat-they especially don't want to put anything there to mark the seat as "taken" because unfortunately, those things could be stolen.  Or, the seat gets stolen by people looking for empty seats-they ignore the items placed there to "reserve" the seat.