Is this considered b-listing?

arco13

I'm about 6 months out and getting ready to send out Save the Dates. There are some guests we're on the fence about, people who we'd like to invite but just aren't sure how big we want it to get. We're at about 100 on the guest list of people we know we want to invite (including ourselves, families and the WP), and have budgeted for 150, but both of us like the idea of it not getting too large.

Is it considered b-listing to only send out Save the Dates to those we absolutely know we want to invite, but not to those we aren't 100% on? This will not be a case of sending out invites, and then waiting to hear that some people can't come, and then inviting the "b-list". Everyone who is invited will get an inviation sent out at the appropriate length (6-8 weeks, correct?)

To be clear, anyone on the tenative list right now is local-so they wouldn't need to make travel arrangements.

I know that b-listing is terrible, and I don't want to do it, I'm just not sure if this exactly counts?

OliveOilsMom

You don't have to send STDs to every single person on your list.  As long as everyone receives their invite at the same time, its not B-listing.  So your plans sounds good.

RebeccaB88

A save the date isn't an invitation, just the promise of an invitation forthcoming.  So, it's not B-listing to send just the real invitation and not the save the date.  Those who do get a save the date must get an invitation.  I'd just send save the dates to your VIP guests and VIP out of towners.  This also allows you to adjust the guest list later on down the line if you have to cut it for some reason - those who didn't get save the dates don't have to be invited.

arco13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-considered-b-listing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82cf29fb-7522-4aa5-b18c-7439fba79346Post:7c468c57-01c4-4d3c-8dc9-26feec0eb487">Re: Is this considered b-listing?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this considered b-listing? : Um.. because she can?  The timeline is 6-9 months in advance.
Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]

Bahaha, thanks for this.


And thanks for the feedback guys. Just wanted to make sure I was withing ettiquette here =)

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-considered-b-listing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82cf29fb-7522-4aa5-b18c-7439fba79346Post:f28fdc22-4142-4c36-9b08-2f4e12773f4a">Re: Is this considered b-listing?</a>:
[QUOTE]STDs were invented for long engagements (when the wedding would take place more than a year away) or a large number of guests would have to make travel plans. You'll send out your invitations 6-8 weeks in advance of the wedding - in another four months.  Why spend the money on STDs and postage? My point is that these are fast becoming another thing that every couple thinks they "have" to do, and they don't.  It's a real unnecessary expense that they could pour into their reception, or a limo, or something fun.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

For some people it IS necessary-because they do need long lead times to make sure they can take the time off from work or whatever other commitments they have that might prevent them from attending the wedding.  Less than six months' notice, such people can't come.  For many people, the "fun" of their weddings is having such people with them, so that's why they spend the money on STDs and postage-because they DO "have to" put out the word to people in order to ensure that they can attend the wedding.

azdancer8

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-considered-b-listing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82cf29fb-7522-4aa5-b18c-7439fba79346Post:86220ffb-d4c8-40b4-89a4-bdc206bbab71">Re:Is this considered blisting?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is this considered blisting?: Everyone has their own priorities. Personally, I'd rather spend money to make sure out of town guests have adequate time to take off work and make travel arrangements than pay for a limo. That to me is a waste.
Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]

<div>This exactly. We sent out STDs at 6 months because most of our guests were from OOT and we wanted to give them time to make travel arrangements.</div>

QueerFemme

I agree. I sent our STDs out at exactly 6 months.  It was a huge help to those planning flights and hotels.  I got the STDs on vistaprint and they cost me under $30.00 and the postage was another 25.00.  That $55.00 wasn't a big enough savings to add extra food or cocktails or something, and was very worth the expense.

1mobags

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-considered-b-listing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82cf29fb-7522-4aa5-b18c-7439fba79346Post:5d66ab47-4c5d-4211-a996-fd6ebba8f1e7">Re: Is this considered b-listing?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this considered b-listing? : She wants to send them out so I would MYOB.
Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]




Hahahaha I think I have a crush on you :)

arco13

PPs have basically stated every reason I have for sending them out. I just want to give my OOT guests that I'm not in regular contact with something that's got the date and website (where I'll post hotel block information) on it, and since I'm having a Friday wedding (not my first choice, but  my venue double-booked on the saturday that weekend so I had to move it), I want to make sure everyone has enough time to take any needed time off work, etc.

I honestly wasn't positive I was going to send them out at first, but found a groupon for vistaprint and decided to go ahead. They're nothing too fancy, just cute and simple. I meant to get them out a little bit sooner, but school is being very annoying and getting in the way. And I already have them, so it's not even a question anymore.

Thanks everyone

LDubHawksFan

We sent ours out at 6 months too and it was helpful for all of our OOT guests.  It's definitely not B-listing, and actually smart not to send them to everyone.  We had a preliminary must have list that we sent them to, but didn't send them to people we were on the fence, and in the end we decided to stay at our original list to make it more intimate.  If we had sent it to the others, there was no going back!  Good luck!

Kate61487

definitely not b-listing.  FWIW we did something similar to this and our attendance rate was WAY lower on those we didn't send STDs.  So in the end I kinda wish we'd just sent them all.  It's definitely a safer bet if you're unsure of budget or desired size, but if your budget is secure and you'r 99% sure you'll end up inviting them it's just something to consider.

Avion22

It's not B-listing -- just be careful how you do it.  If you plan to invite "circles" then it's probably okay.  Say, for example, you're not sure you're going to invite any of your college friends, or coworkers, so you leave them off the STD list entirely.   They probably don't run into your friends that DID get STDs, so it shouldn't cause any drama.   But let's say that SOME first cousins are getting STDs and others aren't, and they all talk to each other all the time.  THAT might cause issues (the non-STD ones might assume they're not invited and get hurt, or they might ask "where is MY save-the-date?").    

So, you might want to just have a quick thought about who will get STDs and who won't, and consider potential conflict areas.

arco13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-considered-b-listing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82cf29fb-7522-4aa5-b18c-7439fba79346Post:f55fef9a-78e3-4ee0-9f1f-f76d3730cb07">Re: Is this considered b-listing?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not B-listing -- just be careful how you do it.  If you plan to invite "circles" then it's probably okay.  Say, for example, you're not sure you're going to invite any of your college friends, or coworkers, so you leave them off the STD list entirely.   They probably don't run into your friends that DID get STDs, so it shouldn't cause any drama.   But let's say that SOME first cousins are getting STDs and others aren't, and they all talk to each other all the time.  THAT might cause issues (the non-STD ones might assume they're not invited and get hurt, or they might ask "where is MY save-the-date?").     So, you might want to just have a quick thought about who will get STDs and who won't, and consider potential conflict areas.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]


Oh I hadn't considered this, though the only place it's going to be problematic is one of my jobs-I have a few girls who I see regularly outside of work who are definitely invited, and one is a BM. Thing is, there are plenty others that I like and enjoy talking to while at work, but we just never really see each other outside of work, and there's a very very good chance I won't be working there more than another month or 2, so that may be one where I don't send them out to that circle.

Thanks for that!

OliveOilsMom

Another thing I wanted to add.  When you do send out the invites.  People who received a STD that says they can't attend should still receive an invite.  And be prepared for people who said they could not attend to wind up attending.  Its possible that in 6 months, plans have changed or people decided to rearrange their schedule to accomodate your wedding.  So no matter how many invites get sent out in the end, be prepared, budget wise, for 100% attendance.

arco13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-considered-b-listing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82cf29fb-7522-4aa5-b18c-7439fba79346Post:86afad5d-11f8-4832-8d2b-c30f0d9c0029">Re: Is this considered b-listing?</a>:
[QUOTE]Another thing I wanted to add.  When you do send out the invites.  People who received a STD that says they can't attend should still receive an invite.  And be prepared for people who said they could not attend to wind up attending.  Its possible that in 6 months, plans have changed or people decided to rearrange their schedule to accomodate your wedding.  So no matter how many invites get sent out in the end, be prepared, budget wise, for 100% attendance.
Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

Oh yeah, I'm completely with you on that. Everyone who gets at STD will get an invite, for sure.

And trust me, I've already had to have a talk with family about sending invites to people "who probably aren't going to come." That will not be happening unless we are prepared for them to be there.