Is this tacky? Am I overreacting?

SusieQ83

Background:

FI started a new job about one year ago that happend to be all guys in their mid-to-late 20s (some are married, some aren't). He isn't especially close to any one of them and I've even only met two over the course of the year. Our guest list is already huge so he knows he can't invite them all.

Our reception is in a tent at a B&B in the woods so there is no "end time" to the music or party. The reception is 2.5 hours away from where we live and his office.

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He informed me last night that he is planning on annoucing a "blanket" invitation to all of them to show up at 9:00PM.

My thoughts: Is this tacky? Isn't it saying, "you're not important enough for us to buy you dinner or to watch us say our vows but you can come drink once the families start leaving."? Also, I don't know how many people usually leave by 9PM but we're already going to have to remove a few tables to make a dance floor so where will they sit if they choose to? And finally, I don't even know these people. I would love to invite people I've worked with for years but I'm not. This all just seems wrong to me.

Am I overreacting?

Thanks in advance for your advice girls I don't know what I'd do without this site!

baystateapple

It's VERY tacky.  You've got the right idea.  Tell him that's it's really rude to only invite guests to the dancing, not the reception.  If he wants to extend an invitation to his coworkers, it needs to be for the ENTIRE reception, food included.

ohwhynot

No, you are completely correct.  It's kind of amazing how many people seem to suddenly think this is okay (my H suggested it early on, and my sister suggested it, too, insisting that no one would care).  Your analysis of why it is wrong is absolutely spot-on. 

akhensley81

That's a very bad idea. You're right. I'd ask your FI not to do that, if I were you.

If he wants to celebrate with his work friends without actually inviting them to the wedding, suggest that they do a happy hour after work one night after the wedding.

emilyinchile

You're right, and he's very wrong. Please explain to him that even if he thinks it's no big deal, it's really rude and will make you both look bad.

lilianne22

Tacky.  It's actually rude to invite guests to only the reception, unless the wedding is very small (Immediate family only).  Your FI needs to either invite coworkers to the ceremony AND the entire reception, or not invite them at all.

Wrkn925

OK, it IS tacky.

BUT...

I work for a beer distributor.  We have a staff of 35 males to 4 females.  If one of the guys did this, his coworkers would appreciate it.  They probably wouldn't attend, but they would like bieng extended the invitation.  That will not keep Miss Manners from fainting, but if his coworkers are as chill as mine, no one will bat an eyelash.
I don't see anyone traveling 2.5 hours at 9PM.   And none of my male coworkers would have hurt feelings over missing vows but getting there in time for the keg...

danieliza1127

I think you're right and I think your FI shouldn't do that.  It's nice to want to include them, but if you can't invite them to the whole thing, they don't invite them at all.  His intentions are good, but sometimes you just need to come to terms with not being able to invite everyone you know and being fine with that.

noelle24

Gah.  What is it with men?  My FI wanted to do this too.  "But honey! I swear my friends won't care that we just invite them to the after-party!  They just want to celebrate with us!"

Yeah... No.  You are absolutely right that this is rude and tacky.  Stick to your guns.  Suggest he hang out with his work buddies at some other point, or have a party (just a random party, not a second reception) at your place sometime after the wedding.

NickDanielleB

My FI wanted to do the same thing. Just tell his "boys" where and when the wedding was. It took me about a week to see the error in his ways. He is now trained nicely and understands the importance of an invitation.

sarah0725

I think you should bonk him over the head several times with an etiquette book. This makes them learn gooder.

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this tacky? Am I overreacting? : I get that in MOST situations, you either invite em to the whole thing or not at all...but I agree with above...if it's a casual work environment like that, it might be ok...but if it's a super formal affair, I probably wouldn't do it...
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]
Why does it have to be a super formal affair to not do it though?

PS. Your pup is adorable.

AerikaAwright

I understand that it is tacky and wrong, but I also agree with the PP.

I have several friends that have mentioned wanting to come to the wedding but know that due to the size of my family there is no room. They asked if they could come party. I love these guys and want them to come. These people are on my b list and hopefully I'll be able to invite them legit like, but if not knowing they want to come regardless, I'll probably tell them to show up for drinks and dancing. I'm keeping the number of people to a small group, and I dunno I might even send a real invite...who knows. Please no snarky attacks. I know it's tacky, but when people ask to come and it's people you want to come it's hard to say no.