BM not ordering dress??

Carson386

So FI's sister went with me when I picked out BM dresses, we were told that the dresses needed to be order around 6-7 months before the wedding, 7 months if we wanted this woman to do the alterations. my other 3 BMs have ordered and paid for their dresses,. (I talked to her before we even looked at dresses and she told me what she can afford just like I did with all of my BMs). I don't want to nag her to order it, and I don't think I should since she is an adult. Should I have FI mention it to her or should I mention it? Or should I just let it go and when the deadline passes, tell her it's too late?

Avion22

I would need to know more information:

1.  How long ago did you go shopping?

2.  Have you talked about it with her since then?  How (in person, phone, email, text, fb)?

3.  How long until the deadlne?

Carson386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-not-ordering-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:830ce76c-6ae6-48f5-97df-8c8f10ff944dPost:61ce74e7-a503-480f-9f2c-aca1fb749504">Re:BM not ordering dress??</a>:
[QUOTE]How Far are you from the deadline? What kind of alterations are needed? Have you mentioned it to her previously?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Deadlind is October 10th. The place we are ordering the dresses from is a small local shop, only one person working there (the owner). So she said any alterations will take a few weeks. FI's sister will need a few alterations as far as we know. The one she tried on was too long but fit perfect every where else. I mentioned it twice since we looked at them, each time she has just nodded her head, not even said anything.
I know I'm not at my deadline yet but I'm starting to panic since it's only 8 days away.

OwningAHome1981

Don't say anything yet... You still have a week til the deadline. Your wedding is probably not her top priority at the moment. Some people are not early birds with things. I would wait til a few days before and casually mention the deadline is coming up. I work a ton so it's not always so easy for me to get things done that I need to. Is there a way maybe she can give you her measurements and you can call up the bridal shop and place the order over the phone for her?

itzMS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-not-ordering-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:830ce76c-6ae6-48f5-97df-8c8f10ff944dPost:ed9b5f5b-e216-46ed-a257-827aa1717eff">Re:BM not ordering dress??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:BM not ordering dress?? : Deadlind is October 10th. The place we are ordering the dresses from is a small local shop, only one person working there (the owner). So she said any alterations will take a few weeks. FI's sister will need a few alterations as far as we know. The one she tried on was too long but fit perfect every where else. I mentioned it twice since we looked at them, each time she has just nodded her head, not even said anything. I know I'm not at my deadline yet but I'm starting to panic since it's only 8 days away.
Posted by Carson386[/QUOTE]

Are you using a popular brand of dress, or are these custom made?

I usually try to buy my bridesmaid dress for weddings I am in on Ebay, so maybe FSIL has been looking there.

Also, are you paying for the alterations? If not, you can't require FSIL to use this specific shop.

Peledreamsofrain

Just leave her to her own devices, since you've mentioned it several times already.  You're right, she's an adult, and part of that is dealing with the consequences of your actions when you screw up.  If she doesn't get the dress, she removes herself from your wedding in a way that doesn't reflect well on her socially.

Also, there's nothing to stop her from taking the dress somewhere else to be altered that has a more reasonable timeframe for it.  In all reality, that's probably her plan.

dazyabbey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-not-ordering-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:830ce76c-6ae6-48f5-97df-8c8f10ff944dPost:72b7a1e3-2c37-4ff6-9deb-143aba8944f1">Re: BM not ordering dress??</a>:
[QUOTE]First, I'd call the dress shop and ask when is the deadline for her to order it period, without alterations. Then I'd drop the BM an e-mail along the lines of "Hey, quick reminder that (dress shop) hasn't heard from you. Last day to order the dress and get alterations from the shop is Oct. 10th, last day to order the dress is (date) but you would be on your own for alterations. See you around!" 
Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]

This.

Carson386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-not-ordering-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:830ce76c-6ae6-48f5-97df-8c8f10ff944dPost:d82f08dc-07e0-462e-8c23-d01561a4ccab">Re:BM not ordering dress??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:BM not ordering dress?? : Are you using a popular brand of dress, or are these custom made? I usually try to buy my bridesmaid dress for weddings I am in on Ebay, so maybe FSIL has been looking there. Also, are you paying for the alterations? If not, you can't require FSIL to use this specific shop.
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

Yes I'm paying for alterations. I also told her I would put $50 (half of the price of the dress) down on it, I offered that to my other 3 BMs as well.

lcatterton

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-not-ordering-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:830ce76c-6ae6-48f5-97df-8c8f10ff944dPost:72b7a1e3-2c37-4ff6-9deb-143aba8944f1">Re: BM not ordering dress??</a>:
[QUOTE]First, I'd call the dress shop and ask when is the deadline for her to order it period, without alterations. Then I'd drop the BM an e-mail along the lines of "Hey, quick reminder that (dress shop) hasn't heard from you. Last day to order the dress and get alterations from the shop is Oct. 10th, last day to order the dress is (date) but you would be on your own for alterations. See you around!" 
Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]

Great answer. Covers all the bases and yet is polite while also laying it all out there to put the ball in her court. Once you do this, you will no longer need to mention the dress to her and it will be up to her to take care of it! I third this!

Carson386

Thank you everyone for your adivice! I am waiting for the shop to open in a few hours so I can call and get a final date without alterations.