How to do STDs with A/B list?

emmagfunk03

I would just send them to the A list, correct?

[Deleted User]

Or you could just not have a B list. It's rude and guests will be offended when they find out.

JessAndTrav

Stay away from A/B lists if you want to go according to Etiquette. I know that TK guest planner has that option, but that doesn't make it okay.

Look at your current A/B list. Are you okay with everyone on the B list not being there if ALL of the A list shows up? If so, scratch the B List altogether. If you don't care if they're really there in the first place, why spend the money later on them, you know?

nda_roxybabe

You dont do a B list. Problem solved!

brookelynpaisley

Don't do a B list. They never end well. Invite your A list and if people decline, you can upgrade your reception package or something. If people were really that important to you, they would have been on the A list to begin with.

Mrs.B6302007

The "B" in B-list stands for Bite you in the Butt.

Don't do it.

nda_roxybabe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stds-ab-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8339d085-c14f-4537-89ef-2e12df627302Post:d36d0b56-5278-48df-8f66-70550703b8c4">Re: How to do STDs with A/B list?</a>:
[QUOTE]The "B" in B-list stands for Bite you in the Butt. Don't do it.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]
I thought it stood for bitch. Yours makes more sense though

brookelynpaisley

OMG Roxy!! How could you call OP a b!tch?!

Mrs.B6302007

or it could be for bottom as in you're at the bottom of our list

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stds-ab-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8339d085-c14f-4537-89ef-2e12df627302Post:35e076c0-52cc-4851-be56-d2cc7bbaf50b">Re: How to do STDs with A/B list?</a>:
[QUOTE]You dont do a B list. Problem solved!
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

This!

AmoroAgain

How about the option of No STD's and No B List?  Cause unless you're having a destination wedding over a holiday weekend, I've only heard of them being a PITA.

Mrs.B6302007

Geez, Sookie.  Can you not get your kid real toys?  Poor baby has to play in a box.

nda_roxybabe

Brooke- no, no, Iwasn't calling her a bitch. I'm saying everyone on the b list must be a bitch and thats why they weren't on the awesome list.

emmagfunk03

I don't really want to do a B-list, but I'm in a tough position where it's the only way to make my bi-polar father (dadzilla post is under my "WP's parents" thread) happy. It's either not invite his work friends and have him enraged (um, which trust me, no one wants) or pissed off while I'm planning my entire wedding (most likely the day of as well, he's gone off meds, how fun!), or have a B list, and they can come if there ends up being room. 

They aren't people I've ever met, so I couldn't care less if they didn't come. But I'm trying to keep the peace, so I don't know what else to do. They're a group not connected to anyone else, so they likely wouldn't know about the other list or even STDs (or, IMO, expect to be invited to a co-worker's daughter's wedding). 

Sigh. I'm feeling stuck.

Mrs.B6302007

THIS is a good reason for eloping. ;-)

Goldlie11

I agree with Amoro.  You don't need STDs. Or you can send them to OOT guests if you like.  

brookelynpaisley

Is your father contributing financially to this wedding? If so, he certainly gets some say in the guest list. Are you trying to keep under a venue capacity, or within a certain budget. If it's a budget thing, cut somewhere else (favors, decorations, flowers, programs, etc.)  and invite his coworkers to keep the peace. B-lists never turn out well. I don't think anyone has ever come on here and said "sending my B-list invites our 3 weeks before the wedding worked out great!" If there is room at the venue, suck it up and invite them, if it's going to help you keep the peace with your dad. Just say "no" to B-lists.

Or you can tell him that you're at your max budget, but there is room at the venue and if he wants them guaranteed an invitation, it costs $x per person.

emmagfunk03

We're dealing with a venue maximum. We tried renting another room in the same hall, but they're all booked. My dad's response was to get a new reception venue, but we've already put down the deposit, and this venue was my #1 favorite choice.

He and my mom are paying. 

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stds-ab-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8339d085-c14f-4537-89ef-2e12df627302Post:69be977c-9533-4e44-9cdf-3dc2ffc3d622">Re: How to do STDs with A/B list?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're dealing with a venue maximum. We tried renting another room in the same hall, but they're all booked. My dad's response was to get a new reception venue, but we've already put down the deposit, and this venue was my #1 favorite choice. <strong>He and my mom are paying. </strong>
Posted by emmagfunk03[/QUOTE]
"Whoever pays, says." Skip the STDs and see if you can cut down the list somehow.  If you send STDs, you must send an invitation later.  I wouldn't put myself in that situation if I were you.  

brookelynpaisley

If your parents are paying, what they say goes. If you don't want to invite the coworkers, decline the contribution and make all the decisions yourself.

No matter what, you don't have to send STDs... to anyone. You can not send them to the coworkers and figure this little mess out. Unless you're getting married on a holiday weekend or it's a destination wedding, STDs are not necessary (not that they ever are).

mica178

Skip the STDs if you're still working on the guest list.  If your dad is paying and wants to invite these people, you're going to have to either whittle down your list or find a less expensive venue to hold more people.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stds-ab-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8339d085-c14f-4537-89ef-2e12df627302Post:0bed4f77-e6ec-4288-8014-5c21e748252e">Re: How to do STDs with A/B list?</a>:
[QUOTE]B-lists never turn out well.
Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]
this isn't true. we did a b-list and it ended up fine. perhaps not the right answer for everyone, but these blanket statements are simply false.

op, if you do the b-list, send the std's to the a-list only. and make sure you carefully plan out the send dates of your invites so your b-list gets them in an appropriate amount of time prior to the wedding.

emmagfunk03

I found a plan for having a Plan B invite list in the Real Simple Wedding edition, and it sounded decent.

1. Send out List A invites about 8 weeks before wedding, give two weeks to RSVP.

2. Count the number of noes received

3. They say to add 20% to the list of noes, and to invite that many B-list invitations, but I'm not sure whether I'll do that much of a percentage.

4. Send out B-list invites within six weeks of wedding date.

I know this is against etiquette, but I feel like it's the best option for me at this point. I really do appreciate all the advice.

[Deleted User]

you should consider pushing your a-list send out to at least 10 weeks. your plan doesn't allow for time in the mail.

emmagfunk03

Thanks for the tip! That sounds good.

msdizzy4u

I didn't know how to use the A/B list... so what I did was put anyone and everyone I would consider inviting.  Then I put the ones I wasn't sure on the B list. I eventually either moved them back to A or deleted them altogether. 

If you want to send STD cards, send them to the ones you know for sure.  Close friends and family.  We sent invites to people that didn't get a STD simply because we added them after the fact.  But everyone that got a STD, got an invite. 
 
If money is an issue, Shutterfly is relatively inexpensive to do STD's.  We used engagement photos.  I ordered 100 and they come with envelopes of course. They were .89 a piece and looked better than buying cards over the counter. Just a suggestion.

aMrsin09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stds-ab-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8339d085-c14f-4537-89ef-2e12df627302Post:1da2ad16-2e25-4062-81e3-e81bb764c797">Re: How to do STDs with A/B list?</a>:
[QUOTE]you should consider pushing your a-list send out to at least 10 weeks. your plan doesn't allow for time in the mail.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

ANd don't forget that the B-list RSVP cards should have a different date than the A-List response cards, so that both lists have the same amount of RSVP time.

It's real easy to see you were B-listed when the RSVP date is three days from when you got the invite.

[Deleted User]

agreed, amrs.

quotequeen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stds-ab-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8339d085-c14f-4537-89ef-2e12df627302Post:0d698b9f-5133-4dc8-a60f-cafd09a43516">Re: How to do STDs with A/B list?</a>:
[QUOTE]I found a plan for having a Plan B invite list in the Real Simple Wedding edition, and it sounded decent. 1. Send out List A invites about 8 weeks before wedding, give two weeks to RSVP. 2. Count the number of noes received 3. They say to add 20% to the list of noes, and to invite that many B-list invitations, but I'm not sure whether I'll do that much of a percentage. 4. Send out B-list invites within six weeks of wedding date. I know this is against etiquette, but I feel like it's the best option for me at this point. I really do appreciate all the advice.
Posted by emmagfunk03[/QUOTE]


Two weeks is not enough time for people to have to RSVP, and this plan requires them to RSVP six weeks before the wedding, which many people just can't do.  This is part of why B-lists are bad - it's not just rude to the people on the B-list, it's also rude to the people on the A-list to make them respond so early.

JanoBean75

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stds-ab-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8339d085-c14f-4537-89ef-2e12df627302Post:83477389-601b-44c9-a555-e1ae3aa45cf9">Re: How to do STDs with A/B list?</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't know how to use the A/B list... so what I did was put anyone and everyone I would consider inviting.  Then I put the ones I wasn't sure on the B list. I eventually either moved them back to A or deleted them altogether.  Posted by msdizzy4u[/QUOTE]


This. If they didn't make the A cut, they didn't get an invitation at all.