Wedding Etiquette Forum

Parent seating at ceremony

My parents are divorced, and my dad remarried. I lived with my dad/stepmom from the time I was in high school on. It took about a year of living with them before my stepmom and I to became close - but we have been ever since.

I'm not particularly close to my mom, and I don't agree with many of her choices. We talk maybe every few weeks on the phone, and usually it's her calling me. While I'm not close to her and I certainly don't want to hurt her feelings, I also don't want to discredit all that my stepmom has done for me over the past 12+ years and our close relationship.

My dad is footing the bill for about 50% of the wedding, and I do plan for the invitations to read "Mr & Mrs Bride's Dad" to reflect their generous contribution. I can definitely forshadow my mom is going to get a little huffy about it, but as of yet she has not offered to contribute at all. I don't expect her to, but being the MOB doesn't automatically warrent her to be on the invite.

My question is about seating. Is it inappropriate to have my mom, dad, and stepmom all sit on the front row? I don't want their to be a sh*t storm from my mother over it, but I feel like it would be incredibly rude to seat my stepmom anywhere other than the front row - especially considering our close relationship.

Are people going to think it's strange? I'm assuming I would seat my dad in between them, right?

Re: Parent seating at ceremony

  • I'm not going to get into invite etiquette--other posters can probably cover it better than I can.  Bottom line, it would be inappropriate to seat your step-mother away from your father, and there is nothing wrong with her, your father, AND your mother all sitting in the front row, together.  
  • What is the relationship between your parents and your stepmom like?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parent-seating-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:845de2fb-1644-41ba-96be-a18c4e6488ffPost:6db7b77f-a355-4e30-9156-43a276452805">Re: Parent seating at ceremony</a>:
    [QUOTE]What is the relationship between your parents and your stepmom like?
    Posted by SilverLining1[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'd assume it was ok between her parent (dad) and stepmom since they're married and all..but I think you meant "what's the relationship between your mom and stepmom like?"  Hopefully no matter what the relationship is right they can act like adults for 30 minutes during the ceremony.</div>
  • I would seat them all in the front row together, if they all want that row. If they can't be civil for the ceremony, then they can choose a different row.
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  • Hopefully your mother can be grown up enough to sit beside her ex-husband for forty-five minutes for your ceremony. Not seating her in the front row seems like it's not worth the drama. Many will probably appreciate your respect toward all three of your parents. Do you have a relative on your mother's side that you could also sit in the front row? I think it might be considerate towards your mother if you're having her sit next to your father to let her have someone sit on her other side to make her more comfortable.
  • Thanks all! I definitely think no matter what she'll need to suck it up and deal. 

    Mom lives several states away, and they've had no need to be together since my high school graduation....many years ago. I feel like they'll be civil (at least I know dad/stepmom will) but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't making an ettique faux pas before I made my decision.

    So, in the event my mother brings a date - where would he sit? It seems strange to have a date (that I don't know) sit with her in the front row.
  • I wouldn't break up a couple, weird as it may be to have someone you don't know. Plus it would probably make your mom more comfortable/happy.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parent-seating-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:845de2fb-1644-41ba-96be-a18c4e6488ffPost:23ece82c-5444-46a6-98a5-1b6d5c70ac72">Re: Parent seating at ceremony</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks all! I definitely think no matter what she'll need to suck it up and deal.  Mom lives several states away, and they've had no need to be together since my high school graduation....many years ago. I feel like they'll be civil (at least I know dad/stepmom will) but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't making an ettique faux pas before I made my decision. So, in the event my mother brings a date - where would he sit? It seems strange to have a date (that I don't know) sit with her in the front row.
    Posted by Starfish0116[/QUOTE]

    Who would escort your mother down the aisle? I'm thinking that he would sit with her as well, but I can also see him being her escort, and then it would look better if he sat with her after escorting her.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parent-seating-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:845de2fb-1644-41ba-96be-a18c4e6488ffPost:b6592c16-3ae8-468c-b69e-8e7da6adab4d">Re: Parent seating at ceremony</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Parent seating at ceremony : Who would escort your mother down the aisle? I'm thinking that he would sit with her as well, but I can also see him being her escort, and then it would look better if he sat with her after escorting her.
    Posted by whitsy[/QUOTE]

    <div>My brother, also a groomsman, would probably escort her down the isle. </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
  • Where was your brother going to sit after he walked her down? Let him be the buffer between the two families. Starting from the outside, working our way towards the aisle.... Boyfriend-Mother-Brother-Stepmother-Father. This way after your father walks you down the aisle, he can slip into his seat. And the bf and stepmom can already be seated. Would you consider you dad AND your stepmom walking you down?
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  • We are having  the same issue but on both sides! The grooms parents are divorced and Dad is remarried but not mom. we are way closer to mom so she will probably get the end seat, but who do we put by her so she does not have to sit by her ex ( im sure they would behave if they had to sit together). and on my side parents are divorced and both have remarried. Can I make my mom and stepmom sit together? with dad and stepdad on the outsides of them, my mom and stepmom get along but no one likes my stepdad? how do i keep all parents involved happy?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parent-seating-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:845de2fb-1644-41ba-96be-a18c4e6488ffPost:5440fc19-91e5-4559-8876-c147d34f6b7b">Re: Parent seating at ceremony</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are having  the same issue but on both sides! The grooms parents are divorced and Dad is remarried but not mom. we are way closer to mom so she will probably get the end seat, but who do we put by her so she does not have to sit by her ex ( im sure they would behave if they had to sit together). and on my side parents are divorced and both have remarried. Can I make my mom and stepmom sit together? with dad and stepdad on the outsides of them, my mom and stepmom get along but no one likes my stepdad? how do i keep all parents involved happy?
    Posted by jkgrimsby[/QUOTE]



    I usually think it's best to put the steps/dates next to each other as a buffer between the divorced parents, if no siblings are available.
    I just find that there is less tension that way.
    image
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