OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?

LRomance

Before sounding mean, I have to preface this post by saying that my fiancé's parents divorced while he was young. When he was 12 years old, he made the independent decision to move out of his mom and sister's house in order to live with his dad and stepmom (a much better and safer living enviornment). He hasn't been close with his biological mother and sisters at all in the 10+ years since and barely ever sees them (once a year, maybe) as he does not agree with their life choices.

While we are inviting his four real sisters and real mother to the wedding, we would rather not allow them to have "plus one's" due to the fact that their dates or significant others have been in and out of jail and have been involved in illegal situations. I think the part that worries us most is the potential danger to our guests or to our wedding if we allow them to bring dates in addition to the drama they could cause. On top of that, my parents are paying for the entire wedding and we are limited to the number of guests.

I am really at a loss on how to handle this situation and would love some advice from someone who has dealt with this before or has experienced a similar situation. Thanks knotties!

aragx6

Etiquette dictates that you must invite social units together -- so if any of these sisters have someone they consider a significant other they must be invited. Truly single guests can be invited alone.

There are very few exceptions to this rule, but serious trouble with the law -- say child molestation -- would be one. Assault stemming from a drunken bar fight? Sadly not so much.

It might well be that the only thing he can do is either invite them with their SO or not invite the sisters at all.

Edit: spelling

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:84a9de76-1264-4a9b-a582-16ed9c6d5c9ePost:2828b09d-085b-4833-9380-2763405fbdbc">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
[QUOTE]Etiquette dictates that you must invite social units together -- so if any of these sisters have someone they consider a significant other they must be invited. Truly single guests can be invited alone. There are very few exceptions to this rule, but serious trouble with the law -- say child molestation -- would be one. <strong>Assault stemming from a drunken bar fight? Sadly not so much.</strong> It might well be that the only thing he can do is either invite them with their SO or not invite the sisters at all. Edit: spelling
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

I think that would be grounds for excluding someone for me, if they had a track record of that behavior - I mean, if the wedding's an open bar, and the person has a habit of getting drunk and hurting people (to the point where the police are involved!) then I'd think that'd be grounds to exclude someone from your wedding.

MelissaC315

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:84a9de76-1264-4a9b-a582-16ed9c6d5c9ePost:d9e61d3f-6419-4d2c-862a-ddd9dcbd89c5">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates? : I think that would be grounds for excluding someone for me, if they had a track record of that behavior - <strong>I mean, if the wedding's an open bar, and the person has a habit of getting drunk and hurting people (to the point where the police are involved!) then I'd think that'd be grounds to exclude someone from your wedding</strong>.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

I agree!

aragx6

That's not really at all what I meant at all though. I said one bar fight -- my point being it MUST be something absolutely egregious to not invite an SO. This is that big of an etiquette issue.

RaptorSLH

[QUOTE]I I think that would be grounds for excluding someone for me, if they had a track record of that behavior - I mean, if the wedding's an open bar, and the person has a habit of getting drunk and hurting people (to the point where the police are involved!) then I'd think that'd be grounds to exclude someone from your wedding.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Agreed.  Known violent drunks can be justifiably excluded from affairs with alcohol.  Actually, I think most violence would do it for me.  So would drug issues.  Drunk driving, on the other hand, may just be a reason to provide a taxi or a designated driver.

</div>

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:84a9de76-1264-4a9b-a582-16ed9c6d5c9ePost:0e69a717-60e9-408e-83b8-634fe4cd07fd">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
[QUOTE]Agreed.  Known violent drunks can be justifiably excluded from affairs with alcohol.  Actually, I think most violence would do it for me.  So would drug issues.  Drunk driving, on the other hand, may just be a reason to provide a taxi or a designated driver.
Posted by RaptorSLH[/QUOTE]

and you could exclude the couple for any reason whatsoever. However, excluding ONLY the SO is why the standard is much higher than just drug/drinking/etc.
When the host is doing something that is very offensive (like excluding an SO) there needs to be a really really good reason.

LRomance

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:84a9de76-1264-4a9b-a582-16ed9c6d5c9ePost:75bb39b1-0918-413f-9a5d-2baf14a2dbbf">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates? : and you could exclude the couple for any reason whatsoever. However, excluding ONLY the SO is why the standard is much higher than just drug/drinking/etc. When the host is doing something that is very offensive (like excluding an SO) there needs to be a really really good reason.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

Yeah, the reason I asked is because a the sisters' SOs have been in jail, done drugs, and the brand new husband of one of the sisters is possibly guilty of beating her (not a good situation). On top of that, his sisters have been in numerous bar fights, have done illegal things (i.e.drug usage), so that's why we're worried about them inviting dates who are also involved in these activities. It's a very delicate situation and obviously we don't want to offend them to be mean, but we're honestly worried about the wedding and our guests.