The wonderful world of social networking...

aepare

Hi all,

I need some help determining a few things, the first would be how to ask (politely, of course) our wedding guests to refrain from posting pictures of us on various social networking websites.

My concern is, these days pictures can be posted immediately online. I would must rather be introduced to the world under our own terms. For example, if a friend posts a pictures of us on their FB page, all of their friends (and their friends, and their friends) can see it. I dont necessary love the idea of the entire world being a part of our day ...

Just to be clear, my concerns only pertain to my fiancee and I ... not the entire guestlist I was thinking of maybe putting someone on our photo sharing cards we plan on having at each place setting ...

Am I being ridiculous? Honestly welcome, please ha ha ... it's getting close here & I've been known to be a bit unreasonable (gasp!) at times ...

Thanks, ladies!

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wonderful-world-of-social-networking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:84ccb00f-9639-4748-804e-12436ffa6242Post:45d4716c-764a-4ff0-bf1e-24dbc9d1de49">The wonderful world of social networking...</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi all, I need some help determining a few things, the first would be how to ask (politely, of course) our wedding guests to refrain from posting pictures of us on various social networking websites. My concern is, these days pictures can be posted immediately online. I would must rather be introduced to the world under our own terms. For example, if a friend posts a pictures of us on their FB page, all of their friends (and their friends, and their friends) can see it. I dont necessary love the idea of the entire world being a part of our day ... Just to be clear, my concerns only pertain to my fiancee and I ... not the entire guestlist :) I was thinking of maybe putting someone on our photo sharing cards we plan on having at each place setting ... Am I being ridiculous? Honestly welcome, please ha ha ... it's getting close here & I've been known to be a bit unreasonable (gasp!) at times ... Thanks, ladies!
Posted by aepare[/QUOTE]

<div>Personally, I think you're being ridiculous.  But everyone is entitled to maintaining their own level of privacy.  But I would think it is was weird if a couple made that request, and would probably wonder why they didn't want people knowing about their wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>I have heard of a couple posters mentioning something at the place settings.  However the problem with that is people won't see it until they get to the reception, and at that point they may have already posted pics from your ceremony.  I know for our wedding that some people posted pics during or right after the ceremony with mobile uploads.  We didn't at all care though, and were thrilled to see pics when we woke up the day after.</div>

TheCranberry

You can ask nicely, but you can't control what people will do.  I put up pics of a friend's destination wedding, and she asked me to take them down.  I took down anything having to do with her wedding and left up others that were just vacation types pics.  I was annoyed but I did it for my friend.  I've since seen pics of her wedding up (labelled as the "So and So Wedding") so I figure she either lost that fight or gave up on it.

sarabear23

I don't think it would be rude to ask people not to post pictures of you and your FI/H. However, you can't really control what people put online. Hopefully your guests will understand your concerns and respect your wishes.

jessicabessica

I also think you're being a little ridiculous.  Can you set your FB so people can't tag you?  I am not sure how, but I feel like maybe you can do that.  You could also make it so that pictures of you that others tag and post aren't visible to people through you.  I don't think you can control (or try to control) what other people post to their personal accounts. 

emilyinchile

This has been discussed a few times on here, and the general consensus is that people are going to post photos whether you like it or not, and if you try to prevent them from doing so you come across as the crazy one.

You can change your privacy settings so that people can't tag you in photos and possibly control who sees photos in which you're tagged (not sure), so I'd look at that.

aepare

Thanks everyone, I think I feel a bit better about the whole thing. I guess I am being a bit controlling (ha ha) ...

jessicabessica, you had a good point ... maybe I can change my FB settings, hmmm

Mrs.B6302007

I can see where you're coming from, OP.  I am particular about pictures of me up on FB for several reasons.  Unfortunately, I think you would come across as controlling if you announced that.  Ultimately, the pictures belong to the people who took them and they can do with them as they desire.  The most you can do is untag if you don't want to be identified.

MissKate2011

I have a few friends who requested no pictures of their children be posted on facebook and it's always been respected (I will be asking the same thing once I have kids).

I kinda don't understand why you don't want your pictures posted on facebook and I agree that it seems weird since you obviously are on facebook why wouldn't you want pictures of your wedding on there?

hlq2011

MissKate, I think there's a huge difference between requesting no pictures of kids be posted on FB, and saying "You can't post pictures of us from our wedding."

IMO, there's no comparison.  I would fully understand and agree not to post pictures of someone's kids.  However, I'd think the bride was nuts for saying "don't post pictures of me because I want my new H and I to be introduced to the world in our own way."

OP, you sound like you've taken advice well, so I'll only add that people looking at photos of you on FB doesn't include them in your day.  And they'd probably only care about seeing the people they know.  If I post pics of me and my FSIL at her and my brother's wedding in August, I'm pretty sure none of my friends will care about seeing her.

aepare

MissKate2011, it isn't that I don't want my pictures on there in general ... it's the idea of complete strangers seeing an intimate moment in my life, I suppose.

I think I've found a way around this in privacy settings. I've got a pretty private page to begin with ... but I believe I can prevent tagging, etc.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I get your privacy concerns, but these people will actually own the pictures. In a perfect world, people would check before posting pictures of other people, but this is a facebook world.

However, you can modify your settings so no one can tag you in the photos or deactivate your account for a few days.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wonderful-world-of-social-networking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:84ccb00f-9639-4748-804e-12436ffa6242Post:1ccd27b0-172e-439a-8965-59443d84454c">Re: The wonderful world of social networking...</a>:
[QUOTE]MissKate, I think there's a huge difference between requesting no pictures of kids be posted on FB, and saying "You can't post pictures of us from our wedding." IMO, there's no comparison.  I would fully understand and agree not to post pictures of someone's kids.  However, I'd think the bride was nuts for saying "don't post pictures of me because I want my new H and I to be introduced to the world in our own way." <strong>OP, you sound like you've taken advice well, so I'll only add that people looking at photos of you on FB doesn't include them in your day.  And they'd probably only care about seeing the people they know.  If I post pics of me and my FSIL at her and my brother's wedding in August, I'm pretty sure none of my friends will care about seeing her.</strong>
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

This is a great point.  When I see that a friend has made an album of someone else's wedding photos on FB, I click through them if I'm interested to see pictures of that friend, not to see photos of a bride and groom I don't know, and I probably couldn't tell you what color the bride's hair was after looking through the album.

Moneypenny424

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wonderful-world-of-social-networking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:84ccb00f-9639-4748-804e-12436ffa6242Post:e9c8c479-6b11-451d-a199-8fc40cf84506">Re: The wonderful world of social networking...</a>:
[QUOTE]I get your privacy concerns, <strong>but these people will actually own the pictures</strong>. In a perfect world, people would check before posting pictures of other people, but this is a facebook world. However, you can modify your settings so no one can tag you in the photos or deactivate your account for a few days.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

This is what I was coming in to say.  I'd just change my settings so no one could tag me if I had this concern.

I have to say, I really liked that people posted photos--it was nice to see pictures the next day!

jenjenaz

i understand what you want, but agree with PPs that you can't really ask that of people.  My FI is REALLY against the whole FB thing and any picture of him that goes up (by me), he wants to see first....I do it b/c, for whatever reason, that's important to him.  But i don't think it's reasonable to expect of wedding guests.  And I've got to be honest - if someone asked me that, I might just do it on purpose.  I'm that kinda gal..... 

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wonderful-world-of-social-networking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:84ccb00f-9639-4748-804e-12436ffa6242Post:283ce7ae-bdb7-4d8a-8cbb-2213664240d9">Re: The wonderful world of social networking...</a>:
[QUOTE]MissKate2011, it isn't that I don't want my pictures on there in general ... <strong>it's the idea of complete strangers seeing an intimate moment in my life, I suppose</strong>. I think I've found a way around this in privacy settings. I've got a pretty private page to begin with ... but I believe I can prevent tagging, etc.
Posted by aepare[/QUOTE]

Pictures of you and your husband doing the first dance =/= pictures of your ladybits during the process of giving birth.  Unless you're getting married in the witness protection program or at Area 51, your wedding is in already going to be in a public place where complete strangers could see it.  I think you sound completely ridiculous.  Just saying.

MissKate2011

In Response to Re: The wonderful world of social networking...:
[QUOTE]MissKate, I think there's a huge difference between requesting no pictures of kids be posted on FB, and saying "You can't post pictures of us from our wedding." IMO, there's no comparison.  I would fully understand and agree not to post pictures of someone's kids.  However, I'd think the bride was nuts for saying "don't post pictures of me because I want my new H and I to be introduced to the world in our own way." OP, you sound like you've taken advice well, so I'll only add that people looking at photos of you on FB doesn't include them in your day.  And they'd probably only care about seeing the people they know.  If I post pics of me and my FSIL at her and my brother's wedding in August, I'm pretty sure none of my friends will care about seeing her.
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

Yeah you're right I guess it's completely different.  I didn't think of it that way.