Ceremony/Reception Dilemma

SarKel17

My fiance and I want to get married next month.  We would like a very small, private ceremony with just our parents and siblings, then have a nice dinner afterwards.  We have no desire to get married in front of hundreds of people (which is what our guest list would be if we were to do a traditional wedding), but we would still like to celebrate with the rest of our family and friends.  We were thinking of doing a "reception" about a year later, which would give us time to plan and pay for the celebration.  What is the proper etiquette for doing this?  And please, don't tell us to "just wait" to get married- we want to be married now and have no desire to exchange vows in front of everyone- if it weren't for our parents' wishes, we'd already be married at Town Hall!  Thank you!

msuprincess04

You can't hold a "reception" because that is only for people who are invited to your ceremony. But you can host a party. You won't get the first dance, big white dress, or cake, but you can have a great time with your friends and family.

JaxInBlue

If you get married as you plan, your reception will be the dinner you attend with your parents and siblings after the ceremony.  There's nothing wrong with doing this - you are simply choosing to have a small, private affair.  You are doing what you need to by hosting the invited guests at something as a thank you for attending the ceremony. 

The celebration you have a year later will not be a wedding reception.  It will be closer to an anniversary party - which means great food, a DJ and a photographer if you want one, cake, but few, if any, of the elements traditionally associated with a wedding reception - skip the poufy dress, no bouquet/garter toss, no bridal party introductions or bride/groom references (since you will already have been married for some time), very few announced spotlight dances or moments.  Personally, I'm less against things like a cake cutting (since in my circle those whose event it was - birthday/graduation/etc - usually give the cake a ceremonial slice) and maybe even kicking off the evening with a minute or so (not a whole song or a "first dance") alone on the dance floor to a special song.

Depending on when you hold this larger party, you invite people either to an anniversary party or to a reception celebrating the marriage of...  I wouldn't register.  You could, if you wanted, display pictures from your ceremony.

SarKel17

Thank you for the input so far.  To be clear, this is definitely going to be more of a party than a reception; specifically a chance to celecbrate with family & friends.  There will be no dress, flowers, cake cutting, etc.  We envision a catered outdoor party under tents, with beer & wine provided, a bonfire and games & dancing.

We are just wondering how common this is and how likely our idea is to be accepted by those attending the party but not the actualy wedding.

Loopyseven

In Response to Re:Ceremony/Reception Dilemma:[QUOTE]My fiance and I want to get married next month. nbsp;We would like a very small, private ceremony with just our parents and siblings, then have a nice dinner afterwards. nbsp;We have no desire to get married in front of hundreds of people which is what our guest list would be if we were to do a traditional wedding, but we would still like to celebrate with the rest of our family and friends. nbsp;We were thinking of doing a quot;receptionquot; about a year later, which would give us time to plan and pay for the celebration. nbsp;What is the proper etiquette for doing this? nbsp;And please, don't tell us to quot;just waitquot; to get married we want to be married now and have no desire to exchange vows in front of everyone if it weren't for our parents' wishes, we'd already be married at Town Hall! nbsp;Thank you! Posted by SarKel17[/QUOTE]

Your reception is the dinner you have with your immediate family right after the ceremony. You can throw a party for your friends and extended circle any time you like, but it shouldn't be in any way related to the wedding.

JaxInBlue

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ceremonyreception-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:84cff41a-dd20-4ed9-990d-20c1081afc6cPost:2cf613c3-f626-4358-b864-ca536a26314e">Re: Ceremony/Reception Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ceremony/Reception Dilemma : I would say that year-delayed receptions are not common at all. And your party sounds nice, but you need to stop thinking of it as something for your wedding. It's not. It's a party. As long as you invite people to a party and not delayed wedding reception, then you're fine.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

Agree with this.  Your mindset should be, IMO, that you are planning an anniversary party, not anything wedding related.

Meegles4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ceremonyreception-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:84cff41a-dd20-4ed9-990d-20c1081afc6cPost:2cf613c3-f626-4358-b864-ca536a26314e">Re: Ceremony/Reception Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ceremony/Reception Dilemma : I would say that year-delayed receptions are not common at all. And your party sounds nice, but you need to stop thinking of it as something for your wedding. It's not. It's a party. As long as you invite people to a party and not delayed wedding reception, then you're fine.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

This. I would find it weird to attend a friend's one year anniversary party, frankly. After your wedding, anniversaries really become about the couple celebrating them, not about their friends/family unless it's a milestone like 25 or 50 years. Sure throw a BBQ in a year, but I wouldn't even make it an anniversary theme.