Wedding Etiquette Forum

Mother-In-Law Invite Issues/B List

We are planning a 150 person wedding, that my parents are paying for the reception (who I can't believe they are doing, on the fact that my dad has been unemployed for over 2 years, so I am very gracious of this) and my fiance are paying for everything else.

We immediately told my family they can invite 60 people, same with my fiance's family and that we will invite 30 friends. It seemed easy enough.

But my fiance's mom has already said that she thinks she is going to go over and will pay the plate price for additional people (although see didn't take in consideration taxes, gratuity, decor, invites and everything else that goes into per person costs).

Now we can fit 200 in our venue, although it will be crowded. I really wanted to stay at 150 but I understand if there are few extra people, so I was thinking we could invite 175, which gives her an extra 25 and then we probably will have some people not make it which should work out nicely.

But then she told me about her "B" list. The one thing I'm worried about how "B" lists work is when do they get their invite? You send the invites out 3 months in advance and how long does it usually take to figure out the final count that you then decide how many more you can invite? I just don't want it to come off to these "B" list people that they were only invited because someone else wasn't able to make it and they are disposable. I am really trying to get her to just make a concise "A" list to avoid this problem. But it seems like everytime we go out to dinner or go somewhere she is telling people about the wedding that my fiance doesn't even know or she hasn't spoken to in ages. I just fear she is going to spread herself too much and people may get left out, and I just don't want anyone's feelings to be hurt. I feel like it is better to keep your mouth shut unless you are positive you have the space.

Any other experiences? I'd love to hear other people's stories! Thanks!
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Re: Mother-In-Law Invite Issues/B List

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-invite-issuesb-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:84eae66e-00c6-4b07-8586-69ebbdb3baa6Post:4bde5ce0-3215-4b81-b7f4-6e353b7db00a">Re: Mother-In-Law Invite Issues/B List</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think B lists are really rude.  Would you like to find out that you were second choice to attend a wedding?  A seat filler?
    Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

    <div>Sometimes there's not much choice about it, though, and it isn't about people being seat fillers.  My wedding is almost entirely paid for by the parents and despite all of them being okay with the venue we selected and its maximum capacity, after the fact they all wanted to add a bunch of people to the guest list, putting the list over the maximum capacity of the venue.  He who pays, says, right?  But I didn't want to invite more people than the number of people that the venue could actually seat, because if they all showed up it would be pretty rude to tell them there was no room for them.  A lot ruder than making sure that the obligatory invitees who "are definitely not going to actually come" actually weren't coming before sending out more invitations for people I actually wanted to be there.  So yeah, not ideal, but I was between a rock and a hard place.</div><div>
    </div><div>If the MIL is not helping to pay for the wedding, though, I would tell her too bad, the venue only holds so many and you don't want to invite more people than you can have there.</div>
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