Wedding Etiquette Forum

A Vent and a PSA

Just a PSA: It's tacky to announce a Special Occasion as a Facebook status when you haven't told your family and good friends in person, via a phone call or even a text.

If you consider someone a good friend, don't put it on them to find out through a past status or another friend. They'll remember this when they receive that "shower" invitation

I'll just save you the time and request that you don't send a invitation to a "shower" for your SO to those of us who found out through FB. 

You didn't tell us personally about your SO, therefore we have no knowledge of it and will only see it as a gift grab.
I like dogs, but not to eat
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Re: A Vent and a PSA

  • Peanut butter.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vent-psa?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85816696-1c74-4122-9acd-236bd1abd1f7Post:49f6f7d1-9b5e-4eba-a4ed-bb10fbea641d">Re: A Vent and a PSA</a>:
    [QUOTE]TIME!
    Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]
    YES!! I was waiting for this!!
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  • Baseball bat.
  • Yeah.  This is kinda minor on the etiquette breaches.  Some people really do communicate through FB. 

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • Maybe if you just told us the story of what happened to you, this would all make more sense.
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  • It might be minor... and I think it's fine to post about your SO... which I'm sure we all did AFTER we told the people who were close to us.


    I'm just a bit bitter that I'm not good enough to even text about a SO... but they sure want me at their 3 showers.  It's not like they have a ton of friends to notify.
    I like dogs, but not to eat
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    10-10-10 here we come!

    Anniversary

    Kelly's BIO-Hazard

  • I found out last week that a good friend of mine moved out of the city.  How?  I sent her an email to her old job.  Yup.  When it bounced, I checked FB and she'd announced it there.

    Also, for my wedding, after we told parents and siblings, it went on FB via a status change.

    One person got far too pissed off about having to learn about it via FB.  It was ridiculous.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vent-psa?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85816696-1c74-4122-9acd-236bd1abd1f7Post:4049030f-5ef9-4b92-a328-b7aee091ff55">Re: A Vent and a PSA</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe if you just told us the story of what happened to you, this would all make more sense.
    Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

    Nah... I'd rather not drag real life friends through the dirt publicly.  If they happen to stumbly upon this and think it's about them... that's on them.
    I like dogs, but not to eat
    Photobucket

    10-10-10 here we come!

    Anniversary

    Kelly's BIO-Hazard

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vent-psa?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85816696-1c74-4122-9acd-236bd1abd1f7Post:08d7517f-0077-4321-bb90-822e40bbf5af">Re: A Vent and a PSA</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe they don't think you all are as close as you think you guys are? If you are that offended, just decline the shower invitations. 
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    It's possible... and that's wouldn't bother me...but they shouldn't invite me to their showers.

    I plan to decline... and depend on how I feel... responding with "Congratulations!  I didn't know you were even ***.  I wish you the best."
    I like dogs, but not to eat
    Photobucket

    10-10-10 here we come!

    Anniversary

    Kelly's BIO-Hazard

  • Still confused. You've been invited to a shower after a person announced they were enagaged or whatever on FB? All the SO's confused me, since that means significant other.

  • I just don't understand why this is gift grabby.  What's the difference between FB and sending a mass email?

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vent-psa?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85816696-1c74-4122-9acd-236bd1abd1f7Post:2017eed3-8adc-4f54-99a1-8d7865b2918c">Re: A Vent and a PSA</a>:
    [QUOTE]Still confused. You've been invited to a shower after a person announced they were enagaged or whatever on FB? All the SO's confused me, since that means significant other.
    Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]
    No, I meant Special Occasion... I wrote it out once and then just abbreviated it the rest. 

    Yup... a little miffed at the fact that they didn't tell any of their "short" friends list about their happy occasion at the very least via a mass text.  One of them posted it as a FB status and someone saw it and started texting around the friend circle.

    These friends tend to fall off the face of the earth but come back around when it is convenient for them because like I said... their friend list is short and when they want a "shower" or something... they call on us.
    I like dogs, but not to eat
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    10-10-10 here we come!

    Anniversary

    Kelly's BIO-Hazard

  • Dear KellyLovesJames,

    I would have to agree with you on this and I was sure to tell key people, ie friends and family before i posted on facebook. 
    I was really excited about my engagement, but I really enjoyed telling each and every family member and friend to see there reactions individually!

    Eventually I did update my facebook, like 2 weeks - 1 month later. Mostly because one of my bestest friends was on her honeymoon and i certainly did not want her to find out on facebook!
  • So you're saying I should have personally called every single person who ended up being invited to my shower to announce my engagement?  And if they found out any other way, I couldn't invite them to the shower?  I didn't even think I was going to have a shower at that time.  Nor did I have any control over the invitations.
    Married 10/2/10
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vent-psa?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85816696-1c74-4122-9acd-236bd1abd1f7Post:76dbb028-af97-48e1-b664-85bce2330b6a">Re: A Vent and a PSA</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just don't understand why this is gift grabby.  What's the difference between FB and sending a mass email?
    Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

    Because FB is so impersonal (not that email isn't... but it's directed to you personally) and most of your "friends" don't see your status updates unless they go directly to your profile.

    In this case they made the status update and a lot of us didn't see it until another friend who did see it started texting everyone and asking if they had heard.

    It might not be that big of a deal... like I said... it was a vent.
    I like dogs, but not to eat
    Photobucket

    10-10-10 here we come!

    Anniversary

    Kelly's BIO-Hazard

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vent-psa?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85816696-1c74-4122-9acd-236bd1abd1f7Post:05bdb887-8b18-4feb-abe9-08a211068f58">Re: A Vent and a PSA</a>:
    [QUOTE]So you're saying I should have personally called every single person who ended up being invited to my shower to announce my engagement?  And if they found out any other way, I couldn't invite them to the shower?  I didn't even think I was going to have a shower at that time.  Nor did I have any control over the invitations.
    Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]
    Nope... that's not what I said at all... and not even what I did.

    Something directed at them personally though... even a text or email... yes.

    I highly doubt you'd post a FB status and hope they saw it.   
    I like dogs, but not to eat
    Photobucket

    10-10-10 here we come!

    Anniversary

    Kelly's BIO-Hazard

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vent-psa?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85816696-1c74-4122-9acd-236bd1abd1f7Post:57f98d38-d476-4365-a7f4-a2ee6923a6b7">Re: A Vent and a PSA</a>:
    [QUOTE]When you got engaged, did you personally call/text every single person who will be invited to your showers/wedding to let them know you were engaged?
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    YUP.  We did the phone calls to family... a few personal texts... followed up by mass text to everyone who we talk to on a normal basis (some that we don't).  Emails to those we didn't want to text (and those that we did anyway).  After a few days I posted it on my FB status.

    If I don't have your number... or your email addres to personally tell you... why would I invite you to a shower anyway... just to get a gift?
    I like dogs, but not to eat
    Photobucket

    10-10-10 here we come!

    Anniversary

    Kelly's BIO-Hazard

  • If you're irritated b/c they don't maintain contact except when they want something, then it sounds like you have a friend problem, not a FB problem.  I wouldn't mind learning that a friend got engaged on fb and later being invited to the shower if I was also in relatively regular contact with the friend.
  • I only called my parents and sister when I got engaged.  H emailed his parents and sister.  Then we waited a couple of days and put it on FB.  We didn't personally call/text/email any of our friends.

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  • Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vent-psa?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85816696-1c74-4122-9acd-236bd1abd1f7Post:f4d5c60c-9010-4ae1-b597-c8a77f1123c9">Re: A Vent and a PSA</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you're irritated b/c they don't maintain contact except when they want something, then it sounds like you have a friend problem, not a FB problem.  I wouldn't mind learning that a friend got engaged on fb and later being invited to the shower if I was also in relatively regular contact with the friend.osted by carrieoz_76[/QUOTE]


    Not to drag this out... but I just talked to this friend on the phone and via emails prior to the FB update.  No mention of the happy occasion. 
    I like dogs, but not to eat
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    10-10-10 here we come!

    Anniversary

    Kelly's BIO-Hazard

  • LD1970LD1970 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    You keep saying "happy occasion" and "special occasion."  Engagement is not a dirty word, you're allowed to say it.  Sheesh.

    As for me I know I called and texted a few people right away - parents, sis, some very close friends - and knew I'd get to the rest as I got to them.  But I'm pretty sure I was excited enough to update my FB status that night.

    A good friend who was away on vacation found on on FB.  She got over it.  She's one of  my bridesmaids.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vent-psa?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85816696-1c74-4122-9acd-236bd1abd1f7Post:714b3752-426c-4d82-a165-36aeb8005c2c">Re: A Vent and a PSA</a>:
    [QUOTE]You keep saying "happy occasion" and "special occasion."  Engagement is not a dirty word, you're allowed to say it.  Sheesh. As for me I know I called and texted a few people right away - parents, sis, some very close friends - and knew I'd get to the rest as I got to them.  But I'm pretty sure I was excited enough to update my FB status that night. A good friend who was away on vacation found on on FB.  She got over it.  She's one of  my bridesmaids.
    Posted by LD1970[/QUOTE]

    They're already married.  I was there for their enagement.  They've only been married a couple of months.  They're now expecting.

    So... the cat's out of the bag and in the random event they see this.. they'll know it's about them.  Oh well.
    I like dogs, but not to eat
    Photobucket

    10-10-10 here we come!

    Anniversary

    Kelly's BIO-Hazard

  • CellesCelles member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    I "announced" my engagement on Facebook via a status update.  For some reason, calling and texting and e-mailing -- and especially mass texting and mass e-mailing -- EVERYONE YOU HAVE EVER MET, EVER seems more AWish to me than a simple status update. 

    /shrug
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  • unlike the teenagers of the world, my FB is only close personal friends.  so, if i were to update my status regarding a 'special occassion', i don't really see how thats any different than an email or text.  its a quick way to get news out there.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vent-psa?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85816696-1c74-4122-9acd-236bd1abd1f7Post:55bfb4ca-2d8e-46e1-8e9c-d7a46f512681">Re: A Vent and a PSA</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: A Vent and a PSA : How "prior" to the FB announcement?  Maybe they were not telling people when you e-mailed and talked on the phone with her.  Announcing a pregnancy is a very personal thing.  You seem so judgy.
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]
    I might be judgy.. or just over-sensitive today... I'm a girl, I'm obligated.  It was just a day prior to the FB status though.
    I like dogs, but not to eat
    Photobucket

    10-10-10 here we come!

    Anniversary

    Kelly's BIO-Hazard

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vent-psa?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85816696-1c74-4122-9acd-236bd1abd1f7Post:9f8c98ce-3519-4367-b292-38bb77b29654">Re: A Vent and a PSA</a>:
    [QUOTE]unlike the teenagers of the world, my FB is only close personal friends.  so, if i were to update my status regarding a 'special occassion', i don't really see how thats any different than an email or text.  its a quick way to get news out there.
    Posted by amandajean36[/QUOTE]

    That's probably the way it should be... but mine is not (and neither is there's)  I have old high school friends... even my real estate agent.  I obviously don't have people I don't know... but definitely people I woundn't consider news worthy.
    I like dogs, but not to eat
    Photobucket

    10-10-10 here we come!

    Anniversary

    Kelly's BIO-Hazard

  • I don't understand how a mass text is any better or different than a mass FB message/status/whatever. Both are pretty impersonal.
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