Can you and how do you politely just ask for money instead of gifts?

nickie1523

First of all, my fiance and I would like to purchase a home soon after our wedding and we were wondering if you could ask for money instead of gifts? If so, how do you do so politely?

scottswife1106

You don't ask for anything. Period.

If you don't want gifts, don't register and people will assume that money would be best.

thesequel

You never ask for money.  It's really tacky.  

Bubbalub

Yup, you never ask for gifts of any kind, much less specifically money. Either don't make a registry and spread by word-of-mouth that you two are saving to buy a house or make a small registry and do the same thing.

Be prepared for some people to give you physical gifts even if you don't make a registry, though. Some people like to give gifts. Additionally, if someone throws you a bridal shower not having a registry could make that awkward for those invited, since the purpose of a shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts.

futurepivko

SURE. try it and let me know how it goes





no really, you just cant. people know its welcomed.

AbbeyS2011

futurepivko:  LOVE your cake and that photo!  Congrats!

Do not ask for cash or gifts.  Set up a registry of items you want for your future home, and let whomever is hosting your shower or other pre-wedding parties where you are registered, as well as putting the info on your wedding website. 

BTW: HM or house down payments registries should be outlawed, IMO. 

jemmini6

Guest:  "Hey, do you know where B&G are registered?"
WP/Family/You:  "They aren't registered anywhere, but they are saving for a house"

gossipgirl1983

I don't think all guests are comfortable giving gifts of cash (nor do all guests have to give gifts), so even if you have family members spread the word that you prefer that they contribute to your house fund (which I think is the wisest thing to do), I would still set up a small traditional registry. Otherwise, you might end up with 4 blenders that you can't return!

futurepivko

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-politely-just-ask-money-instead-of-gifts-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:858b2a0b-c88c-4b8b-8c93-b1fdfaa28e16Post:ccaa3c26-c51b-4bec-8375-7bcfd027a69c">Re: Can you and how do you politely just ask for money instead of gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>futurepivko:  LOVE your cake and that photo!</strong>  Congrats! Do not ask for cash or gifts.  Set up a registry of items you want for your future home, and let whomever is hosting your shower or other pre-wedding parties where you are registered, as well as putting the info on your wedding website.  BTW: HM or house down payments registries should be outlawed, IMO. 
Posted by AbbeyS2011[/QUOTE]


thank you so much! :)

BeccaMichelleS

I don't know what it is like in Milwaukee, but where I lived/grew up in the North, physical gifts were given at the shower, and cash gifts were given at the wedding...a few people would give a physical gift at the wedding.  However, this seems to differ regionally.  A registry is needed for shower gifts unless you want 5 toasters and 4 sets of glasses you don't like. 

AND there is a very ANTI honeymoon/house registry feeling on these boards...so don't let that discourage you. 
If I were you, I would create a small registry from a brick and mortar store for the conventional gift giver...you could also do a honeyfund webpage and put on there 'contributions to down payment on house.'  We registered for a sunset sail, kayak rental, massages, and a dinner in addition to typical gifts.  I don't think it is tacky at all, or like 'asking for money.' Mostly though, you know your crowd.  If you don't think they would be open to a HM/house registry, it may be a waste of time to set one up.

Kristin789

Wedding gifts are supposed to be wonderful and heartfelt and long-lasting, mirroring the giver's fervent hope that the couple's marriage be wonderful and heartfelt and long-lasting.

By inviting these people to your wedding, you've asked your friends and family to be witnesses to your wedding ceremony, and as witnesses, those people are mentors for your marriage. Their gifts represent their acceptance of your request for their mentorship, and their gifts represent their presence in your lives and hearts forever.

When you see/use these gifts, you are reminded that you have a circle of people around you as a couple, people who you can call on, people who have pledged their support of you two as a couple. The following ideas do not match with what a wedding gift is supposed to represent, and in fact, just demand that people give you money instead of a wedding gift:  a downpayment registry, a honeymoon registry, a “donation” to your fav charity, a money dance, a money tree, a greenback wedding or shower (where the guests bring cash), a plastic wedding or shower (where the guests bring gift cards), or an outright request for cash.

SparrowSong

Nobody owes you a cash-equivalent to a gift. Nobody has to give you a gift at all. If you get that concept firm in your mind from the beginning, don't expect anything and consider all gifts a bonus, you are much less likely to be dissapointed in the long run.  And if you don't register for gifts at a store, your percentage of cash gifts will probably be a little higher. But you should still gratefully accept all boxed gifts with a smile and genuine gratitude.