Bad Idea

GardenMaven

A disclaimer, this is NOT about my wedding.  It made my jaw drop though, so I had to share.  Also, my parents are really good friends with the Groom's parents and I have known the G since I was a baby, but we are not friends.

My parents were just invited to a wedding.  The invitation was hand delivered by MOG, because the B&G did not put enough postage on their invites.  Some invites were returned to sender, some invites arrived with "postage due" and some are lost in the nether.  Their RSVP options are Text or Email.  (My mom was really weirded out by that.)

The wedding itself is on a Friday at 2:00pm, but the reception is not until 6pm.  Also they are not serving dinner at the reception, only hor d'oeuvres.  My mom literally said, "So the ceremony is at 2, then we have to feed ourselves, and the reception is at 6."  It makes me wonder if only some people are invited to the ceremony and others only to the reception, because of the timing.  People would have to take off work for the ceremony unless they are retired like my parents.

After all I have learned thus far on this site as well as what I already knew, I HAD to share this story.  So please, don't do this!  Please weigh your invitations, have an "old person" method for RSVPing (I'm an old fashioned 29yr old), only a short 'break' between ceremony and reception, and PLEASE feed your guests.  If it is mealtime, give them a meal!  Thank you.

OliveOilsMom

Wow, just wow. . .

Loopyseven

A 2 PM on Friday wedding is inconvenient, but not necessarily rude.  The gap  and lack of food is abysmal.  And a true "old person" RSVP is actually not to mention the RSVP at all because true "old school" etiquettte is to RSVP on your own stationary to any invitiation received, so the guests would have their own stationary and would automatically know to send a response to the hosts stating whether they are attending or not.  The inclusion of RSVP cards and envelopes is a relatively new phenomenon.

thurmanpowell

Slightly of topic.. but what is considered a "normal" gap between ceremony and reception?

Loopyseven

Usually - just enough time to get from wherever the ceremony is held to where the reception is held.  

loca4pook

as for the timing of the ceremony/reception, that could be totally a church thing. In the Catholic church (and perhaps others), you are TOLD what time your ceremony will be and it usually earlier in the day especially if it is Saturday due to church services. I wouldn't assume that means there is a tiered invite, that might simply be due to the church requirement.

I always hate when people rip that "break" to shreds if the reason is because th ecouple got married in a church.... I am catholic and it is totally the norm and something you come to learn is beyond control of bride/broom as most reception halls want you to start later and many prefer evening wedding receptions anyhow. I wish people would cut brides/grooms slack on this, if it is due to religious reasons.


The rest is tacky. I agree

OliveOilsMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bad-idea-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8601e22c-c49d-487d-991d-0e54a0563421Post:959e6267-6a4c-4385-83d5-21fa3e7fa600">Re: Bad Idea</a>:
[QUOTE]as for the timing of the ceremony/reception, that could be totally a church thing. In the Catholic church (and perhaps others), you are TOLD what time your ceremony will be and it usually earlier in the day especially if it is Saturday due to church services. I wouldn't assume that means there is a tiered invite, that might simply be due to the church requirement. I always hate when people rip that "break" to shreds if the reason is because th ecouple got married in a church....<strong> I am catholic and it is totally the norm and something you come to learn is beyond control of bride/broom as most reception halls want you to start later and many prefer evening wedding receptions anyhow</strong>. I wish people would cut brides/grooms slack on this, if it is due to religious reasons. The rest is tacky. I agree
Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

I am Catholic and had a full nuptial mass.  There was no break in between our wedding and our reception.  We chose to have a Friday evening mass and then right into our reception.  You have better range of ceremony time for a Friday and can go right into your reception. 

Back in 1970, my parents were married on a Saturday in the afternoon and had an evening reception.  Each set of my grandparents hosted their family for a few hours with some light appetizers and drinks until the reception started later.  So even though the "gap" can't always be avoided, there are ways to entertain and host your guests until the main reception starts.  So being Catholic shouldn't be an excuse to be rude to your guests.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bad-idea-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8601e22c-c49d-487d-991d-0e54a0563421Post:959e6267-6a4c-4385-83d5-21fa3e7fa600">Re: Bad Idea</a>:
[QUOTE]as for the timing of the ceremony/reception, that could be totally a church thing. In the Catholic church (and perhaps others), you are TOLD what time your ceremony will be and it usually earlier in the day especially if it is Saturday due to church services. I wouldn't assume that means there is a tiered invite, that might simply be due to the church requirement. I always hate when people rip that "break" to shreds if the reason is because th ecouple got married in a church.... I am catholic and it is totally the norm and something you come to learn is beyond control of bride/broom as most reception halls want you to start later and many prefer evening wedding receptions anyhow. I wish people would cut brides/grooms slack on this, if it is due to religious reasons. The rest is tacky. I agree
Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]
You really should try not to use your religion/church as an excuse for anything.
You can either change your reception time, find a new venue if the venue won't let you start the reception earlier, or host something during the gap.
The "2pm is mass time" is a bad excuse for a gap because there are alternatives.


The hand delivering thing doesn't bother me because I actually feel bad for the bride and groom that everything got returned. I mean, some people just don't realize they need extra postage on some things.

The no-food thing bothers me, but I hope the hors d'ovres are filling. And the gap of course, is just silly.

A Friday wedding in of itself dfoesn't bother me because, well, my bf has off that day and Fridays are just as hard for me to get off as Saturdays are, so it won't make a difference to me personally. I just don't like it when brides come on here and try to pull a guilt trip, "If they love us, they'll take off from work" on their guests.

Jen4948

The no-food is really rude.  The gap?  Also not good.

Friday weddings?  Well, not optimal, but I don't know why any one couple chooses that particular day of the week as opposed to Saturday or Sunday, so I'll reserve judgment on that.

MrsGandthebeag

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bad-idea-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8601e22c-c49d-487d-991d-0e54a0563421Post:470392d2-1cc2-4d03-a1ae-1d3fc6dae450">Re: Bad Idea</a>:
[QUOTE]The no-food is really rude.  The gap?  Also not good. Friday weddings?  Well, not optimal, but I don't know why any one couple chooses that particular day of the week as opposed to Saturday or Sunday, so I'll reserve judgment on that.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

<div>I had a Friday evening wedding b/c the venue was a hell of a lot cheaper than Saturday and I don't like Sunday weddings because most people have to go to work the next day.  </div>

GardenMaven

Just to clarify, I have no issue with the wedding being on a Friday OR at 2pm.  It is the huge gap in-between that irks me.  I just wonder if they did that so their friends (20-30 yr olds) could come to the reception, but skip the ceremony.  That is the only reason I mentioned the work thing.  The MOG also mentioned that the B&G are very 'frugal'.  I am not sure that is the word I would have used.  The wedding is taking place in my hometown and I know that you can have a very nice meal reception for not very much money at several locations.  

I also know they are not Catholic, but are getting married in a church.  I was raised Catholic and have been to many Catholic weddings.  None of them had more than a 30 min gap, so I wouldn't use that as an excuse either.  If they really wanted to go frugal, a nice cake and punch reception right after the 2pm wedding would have been perfect!

As far as "heavy" Hor d'oeuves go, I went to a RD that was heavy Hor d'oeuves and everyone left hungry.  They didn't run out of food, it just wasn't filling enough.  Having experienced this, I would never do that to my guests.  That and I love to eat, so no meal really irks me too!  

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bad-idea-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8601e22c-c49d-487d-991d-0e54a0563421Post:d2a8f82c-b611-44cc-b000-c74612d7338b">Re: Bad Idea</a>:
[QUOTE]As far as "heavy" Hor d'oeuves go, I went to a RD that was heavy Hor d'oeuves and everyone left hungry.  They didn't run out of food, it just wasn't filling enough.  Having experienced this, I would never do that to my guests.  That and I love to eat, so no meal really irks me too!  
Posted by GardenMaven[/QUOTE]
I definitely think it depends on how it's done and what you yourself are used to.
I recently went to an event that served appetizer-like foods. My mom and her bf were fine but I left hungry and got food afterwards.
I think my problem was that there was no seating and the food was spread out in time intervals. So I didn't really get a meal, so much as a bunch of little snacks. My stomch felt upset and confused. However, none of this seemed to faze my mom and her bf.

loca4pook

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bad-idea-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8601e22c-c49d-487d-991d-0e54a0563421Post:470392d2-1cc2-4d03-a1ae-1d3fc6dae450">Re: Bad Idea</a>:
[QUOTE]The no-food is really rude.  The gap?  Also not good. Friday weddings?  Well, not optimal, but I don't know why any one couple chooses that particular day of the week as opposed to Saturday or Sunday, so I'll reserve judgment on that.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

I am getting married on Friday because I basically got 10-20 percent off every vendor I used for the wedding. some of us don't have endless budgets and needed to cut budgets where we could.

I grew up in a very Catholic community. Most catholic churches make you have your mass at like 1-3 pm on a Saturday. Usually you don't have a choice of the time, so if you are like the majority of people around, you prefer an EVENING reception (because it has a more fun, atmosphere that many prefer), you have no choice but to have a gap. I don't think people are trying to be rude nor do I think it's selfish of them to want to have a more fun later ceremony. Realistically speaking, it does lead alot of people to skip the ceremony. IMO, if people care enough about you, they won't be nearly as offended as you think.

With that being said, I won't have that issue because I am getting married on a Friday and I was TOLD my ceremony will be at 4...I had no choice..........

mysi019

It might poss be a area thing..the gap in time between the wedding and the reception. Where I am from I have never went to a wedding that there wasnt a 3-4 hour wait till the recepion. And dont get me wrong I have been to a lot of weddings especially recently.

The way I look at it, to each their own. If I dont agree or like something I just wont go.
I do think though for organizational purposes of the bride, there needs to be a physical RSVP and not just a text or call. I guess I would let the email slide.

Peledreamsofrain

I smell a dinner that not everyone was invited to.  The gap is suspicious and off-putting.  Keep us updated OP!

daffydillie

I hate gaps. I'm in on crutches due to recent surgery. The last church wedding I went to had a 1pm ceremony with a note on the invite that adult reception immediately to follow. I knew the church and knew i couldnt get inside because of the excessive steps so we were going to meet FFIL and follow them over to the reception site. FI and I were running late so we got to the reception site around 3pm. There was NO seating. Lucky for me, FI found a wheelchair we could borrow for awhile and was wheeling me around... But the tables were so high he literally wheeled me to one and while he went to the bathroom I got shoved under a table and was too weak to wheel myself out. The reception did not start until 6. It was the worst experience of my life.

GardenMaven

Daffydillie- That is horrible!  Why did they expect people to stand for hours?  Crazy!  Sorry that happened to you.  As someone not on crutches, I would have sat on the floor, because that is ridiculous.

Pele- I will let everyone know what happens.

dtbluv

I recently was invited to a wedding that had a big gap.  The ceremony was at eleven, then the reception at 3.  It was a private ceremony in a park though, only about 15 guests total, then there was a nice big potluck lunch and then we moved to a different place for the reception (ended up being about an hour between the lunch finishing and the reception starting).

The timing ended up being perfect, it gave everyone a chance to stop by the hotel or home to do a quick refresher on hair and stuff.

The invitation didn't convey any of this though, and I was incredibly confused/annoyed until I asked the bride what the plan was.

And I agree bad call on the tech-RSVP thing, not weighing the invitations, and not feeding guests.

In other poor etiquette moves, one of my cousins recently got married and she only sent an invitation to my Grandma, because she figured everyone would "just know" it was meant to include all of our extended family and that we wouldn't feel like we needed an invite.  My family (parents, me, and FI) were the only ones that showed up!  So don't ever assume people "just know" they're invited!  (Honestly, she was an idiot to do that)