Hostess gift for no-show co-hostess?

AzRunner

Holy hyphenation, Batman!

I'm trying to keep it light because my feelings are actually really hurt.  My coaches threw me a bridal shower last weekend- we knew it was going to be a small guest list, but we had about 12 on the list, a few of them were "maybe" replies. (It was an Evite- I know, I know).

Well, THREE people actually came to the shower.  I was humiliated and felt horrible for the hostess- she went to great lengths to cook food, etc and a lot of it went to waste because people were flakes.  A few people "got the time mixed up", a few just simply didn't show up (seriously, when did people become such flakes?), one texted me the morning of that she was sick and the co-hostess was "stuck" in another part of the state and not feeling well.

I purchased two hostess gifts for this shower and of course gave one to the co-hostess that was there, but I held on to the one that was intended for the no-show co-hostess.  As far as I can tell, the one who was there did 100% of the work which is why I didn't leave the other gift there.  Should I pass it on anyway as a good faith gesture?

You guys, it was so humiliating- I could tell co-hostess was in damage control mode.....all of the games were a bust (she told me before we even attempted them) because nobody was there.....I'm trying to get over being blown off by so many "friends"......so I'm not sure if if I'm being a pouty selfish bride or if I really shouldn't give her the gift because I believe she really didn't do anything for the shower.

Meegles4

What a bummer. I hate it when I plan parties and people flake out. Even a simple dinner party takes effort and planning, it's rude when people do that.

My concern here would be the money. Do you know if the co-host financially contributed? If so, I might be inclined to send the gift -- or maybe do something smaller if you got something a bit more extravagant for the hostess who actually hosted. You could even just write a nice "TY for co-hosting" card and mail it...but even that feels a bit weird to me because she wasn't actually there.

If the co-host didn't financially contribute, I'd be inclined not to send a TY gift. Hostess gifts aren't required anyway, so I would be shocked if she were expecting one after not even showing up to the thing she was supposed to be "hosting".

I'm sorry :-(

AzRunner

Thanks, Meegles.

I don't think she actually contributed anything financially- I think the hostess that was there pretty much did everything.  I'll hang on to the gift. 

The silver lining in all of this- the time that I got to spend with the people who were there was such a treasure.  It was good quality time and conversation and it meant so much.

casyme

I'm really sorry, I would be mad, too.  But try not to take it personally - I bet that it had everything to do with the event, and nothng to do with you.  Although I can't get into the heads of your friends who did not show up, I'm going to guess that these were just people who don't like wedding showers (which includes a LOT of people these days...I admit including me), and they didn't really want to do that sort of thing to begin with, but didn't want to say no when the invite came around.  Of course, what they did was far ruder than saying no -- saying yes or maybe, and then flaking -- but they probably just assumed they would be the only one who flaked, and it wouldn't be a problem.  I hope they find out about what happened and feel TERRIBLE.

I would NOT give the other co-host a gift - doesn't sound like she did anything to be thankful for.