Wedding Etiquette Forum

Re: Y'all will LOVE this

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    kate51485kate51485 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited January 2010
    Momo- just out of curiosity, did you guys have a registry at all?  Did you get gifts that you had to take back overseas?

    EDIT: I ask because I had never heard of hm registries before a few months ago when my friend got married.  They had one (gasp) because they were moving to Germany immediately after the wedding and understandably would not be able to deal with a boatload of new acquisitions when they were already trying to get rid of everything they owned already.  Their hm was to Turkey.  In retrospect, now knowing that most people go about it in a tacky way, I wish she hadn't done one, but in her case I'm wondering if people would be more lenient with the criticism?  Or are they just plain bad no matter what?   
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    We did have a registry but hardly anyone purchased from it.  That actually bummed me out a lot to be honest.  There was stuff I wanted. :)
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    I got an email yesterday from TK telling me to set up an HM registry if I didn't need pots and pans. Too bad, TK.. I really want that kitchenaid mixer, and I'm not rude!
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    Flame away, but it still does not strike me as tacky at all.  If I saw someone had a honeymoon registry and I was trying to buy them a gift I either would go off it if there was something cool or I would get a different gift if I didnt like my options.

    For some reason it bothers me 9000 times MORE when someone is registered at like 5 different stores.  (I have no idea why, it just does.)  The HM thing just doesnt weird me out.

    (FWIW, no, I dont have one.  Tongue out)
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    Wait, wait, wait.  TK is ADVOCATING hm registries?!?!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yall-will-love-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:86d2fe4b-ca9f-417b-96d0-834e3390b5f5Post:02d28065-0f86-41e9-b697-e5d605bdfb3a">Re: Y'all will LOVE this</a>:
    [QUOTE]Flame away, but it still does not strike me as tacky at all.  Posted by Lyss5782[/QUOTE]

    So you think saying, "Pay for me to get it on in some exotic destination while you sit at home!" is less tacky than, "Give me pots and pans to use every day in my home for the next 10 years."

    ?
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    eh....a gift is a gift.  I have never looked at a HM registry, so I dont know what type of stuff is on there....but Im assuming like a candlelit dinner on the beach?  That's as nice as buying a gift certificate to a nice restaurant. 

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    My biggest issue is that they can't afford a honeymoon at all, without this money.  That's ridic. 
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    The problem with hm registries is that the ones I've seen, at least, the money given just goes in one lump sum to the couple, like through a PayPal account.  So you really don't know what it will be spent on.  They just list stuff on there, like "romantic dinner, $80" or "swim with dolphins, $20" for people to contribute to so they can vary the amounts, but ultimately you really can't know how it will be used.  To me, that is where the tacky comes in. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yall-will-love-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:86d2fe4b-ca9f-417b-96d0-834e3390b5f5Post:1a48745c-dd06-4620-890c-90b10d5aa60c">Re: Y'all will LOVE this</a>:
    [QUOTE]The problem with hm registries is that the ones I've seen, at least, the money given just goes in one lump sum to the couple, like through a PayPal account.  So you really don't know what it will be spent on.  They just list stuff on there, like "romantic dinner, $80" or "swim with dolphins, $20" for people to contribute to so they can vary the amounts, but ultimately you really can't know how it will be used.  To me, that is where the tacky comes in. 
    Posted by kate51485[/QUOTE]

    Really?  I didn't know that (I've never known anyone to use one!).  But still to me its not that different from giving cash or a gift certificate....

    <strong>Amoro:</strong>  yeah, that's ridiculous....like saying youll pay for the reception with the gifts you'll get.... 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yall-will-love-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:86d2fe4b-ca9f-417b-96d0-834e3390b5f5Post:5e52f84e-bf83-40e2-9a02-dc37ed07a278">Re: Y'all will LOVE this</a>:
    [QUOTE]But still to me its not that different from giving cash or a gift certificate....
    Posted by Lyss5782[/QUOTE]

    This is true to some degree, you can't know where a cash gift will go either.  I think I just would presume that it would go toward something useful for the couple starting a new life or new home together.  FWIW I typically prefer to give gifts rather than cash, at least for the last few weddings I've been in or attended.  Another thing is that a cash gift is your choice to give -- versus a hm registry, where the couple is expressly ASKING for cash.
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    A gift card, or gift of cash is completely different than (as Kate said) straight out begging for cashola.  That's where the tacky part comes in. 
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    This is not one of the topics that gets me all heated, but to be stubborn, I just dont think registering for a honeymoon is any tackier than registering for a gift.  Its saying, "please get me THIS!" either way.  It's not mandatory, just a suggestion as to what the couple wants.  BUT, to each his own.  :)  Like I said, I dont have one, nor do I know anyone who has ever had one.
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    I think the difference is that no one registers or specifically asks for money or GCs, but they register for honeymoon cash. It's tacky.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yall-will-love-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:86d2fe4b-ca9f-417b-96d0-834e3390b5f5Post:fc994abc-6195-4980-ab41-fc0a432f08b5">Re: Y'all will LOVE this</a>:
    [QUOTE] Its saying, "please get me THIS!" either way.  It's not mandatory, just a suggestion as to what the couple wants.  Posted by Lyss5782[/QUOTE]

    I disagree.  The mere indication that you are ASKING for cash lacks tact.  A traditional registry simply puts to use the notion that most people like to give gifts on the occasion of a wedding, and HERE is where it makes a suggestion that will be useful to the couple.  Yes, money on a hm is useful too, but for the zillionth time, and hopefully this time it will be clear to you, it is NOT GOOD.
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    I saw a Hm registry that you picked the specific thing you wanted to give them on their honeymoon - a bottle of champaigne for dinner, a massage, mani/pedis, side trips, upgraded dinner, so you could choose exactly what you wanted to give and the cost per each item was listed.

    My question is- if a couple registers for a hm registry and they don't get enough donations and can't afford the trip otherwise, do they get the cash or what happens.  My guess is: either they have to gaurantee they will go on a minimum level trip (the one I saw was for a cruise) or they get it minus a certain percentage of the money paid?  Possibly though the company the registry is through makes their money off of "holding" the money between the time the giver purchases/donates and the time the couple actually uses it.  Does that makes sense when you read it? It made sense when I typed it but that's not always the same thing.

    In some ways I find it tacky but in otherways not - I wouldn't mind gifting a bottle of champagne for dinner or a spa visit while on their trip but other things I would probably not choose.

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    bbyckesbbyckes member
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited January 2010
    I deleted my post because the knot posted my random comment in a random thread. 
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    priceless. e should start a hall of fame for all of this stupid shiz.
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    Ehh.  HM registries don't bother me.  I was thinking of doing one, but I just couldn't quite swallow it because it felt wrong to me.  BUT, if I was going to a wedding and the couple had a HM registry, I wouldn't get all offended and "ZOMG" and not gift them with anything because I didn't agree with what they registered for.  I might give it a bit of a side eye if I knew the couple was trying to pay for their honeymoon THROUGH the registry (ie registering for airline tickets, hotel stays, etc.)  But if people put a romantic dinner out, or a bottle of bubbly, or a snorkeling expedition or even upgrading the room to a suite I'd have no problem with buying them that. I would trust that they would use it for that, because I'm not friends with people I don't trust.  And even if they didn't, whatever, it's none of my business.  No worse than them returning the blender I bought them off their registry because they decided they didn't want it anymore.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yall-will-love-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:86d2fe4b-ca9f-417b-96d0-834e3390b5f5Post:f003c616-b2b5-4413-b87e-66442e94fbc5">Re: Y'all will LOVE this</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ehh.  HM registries don't bother me.  I was thinking of doing one, but I just couldn't quite swallow it because it felt wrong to me.  BUT, if I was going to a wedding and the couple had a HM registry, I wouldn't get all offended and "ZOMG" and not gift them with anything because I didn't agree with what they registered for.  I might give it a bit of a side eye if I knew the couple was trying to pay for their honeymoon THROUGH the registry (ie registering for airline tickets, hotel stays, etc.)  But if people put a romantic dinner out, or a bottle of bubbly, or a snorkeling expedition or even upgrading the room to a suite I'd have no problem with buying them that. I would trust that they would use it for that, because I'm not friends with people I don't trust.  And even if they didn't, whatever, it's none of my business.  No worse than them returning the blender I bought them off their registry because they decided they didn't want it anymore.
    Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

    Yes.  Agreed. 
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    Koopa- We say y'all all the time in Montana. I'v just never felt inclined to type it. Once in a while we say, "Eh?" as well. Apparently we have an identity crisis.
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    Huh, you learn something everyday.  I'm used to getting crap for it at work, mostly from Bostonites, so I always assume it's unheard of outside of Texas/the south.
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