FI's previous MIL

Jenni8412

I haven't had this discussion with FI yet, other than to know she's on the GL. I just want input on what etiquette would expect of us. FI is very close to his previous wife's mother, as she and her late husband were very supportive of him after their daughter ran out on him and the kids. As far as things related to the ceremony - do we seat her just before we seat his Mom? Do we do a boutonniere for her as well? She may not be fond of me, but I still want to make sure her relationship to FI is honored in the proper way. I also don't want to overstep and err when broaching this convo with FI.

Jenni8412

It's hard to describe - I think he's closer to her than his own mother!

Rummi302

I don't think there's any wrong way to do this. You're merging with his family (including his kids, it sounds like). It would be a nice signal to send to show your step kids that you're all one supportive family. I'd just ask your husband what he wants - I don't think that's overstepping in the least.

emarston1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fis-previous-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8712b539-9c48-426f-a9e0-01685d5b530fPost:c934b5a9-a803-41d0-b0e3-3a5a71ef1984">Re: FI's previous MIL</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's FI's call on what she does. <strong>I would probably treat her like any other guest and have her seated with everyone else.</strong> However, I don't know your FI's relationship with her.
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]
This is what I was thinking.  Ask your fiance how he thinks she should be included and keep an open mind.  Personally, I think extending the invitation would be sufficient but obviously I don't know the relationship.

HeathenSwan

I agree with the previous poster on treating her as a guest. 

My fiance's female best friend is his best "man". They dated for almost a year about 11 years ago. The friendship was there before the ill-advised relationship, and it survived past it. She and her family have supported him through a lot over the years, even when his parents weren't there for him. They will be invited and treated like regular guests. 

Funny thing, the mom wasn't particularly warm to me when I met her. We think it's because I'm not her daughter. Although, his friend thinks it's actually because she wants him for herself

breaness

I understand that they are close, but treating her as anything more than a guest weirds me out.

achiduck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fis-previous-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8712b539-9c48-426f-a9e0-01685d5b530fPost:dc078973-a8b9-4d1f-845c-75aab643f90c">Re: FI's previous MIL</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand that they are close, but treating her as anything more than a guest weirds me out.
Posted by breaness[/QUOTE]
Ditto. Being a guest IS an hoour so you don't really have to do anything more.<div>
</div><div>I could see maybe getting her a corsage if your FI wants to.</div>

Jenni8412

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fis-previous-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8712b539-9c48-426f-a9e0-01685d5b530fPost:dc078973-a8b9-4d1f-845c-75aab643f90c">Re: FI's previous MIL</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand that they are close, but treating her as anything more than a guest weirds me out.
Posted by breaness[/QUOTE]


I'm in the awkward situation that her being a guest kind of weirds me out (maybe I'd be more accepting of the relationship if she would even acknowledge me when we're the only people in a room...) BUT I love FI and this is his day with our families, too! So I want to be supportive and embrace the situation in the most gracious way I can.

Meghannsix

I gotta agree, I'm leaning with regular guest as well.  Of course I'm not completely familiar with your situation, I think it would be kind of awkward.

emarston1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fis-previous-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8712b539-9c48-426f-a9e0-01685d5b530fPost:a7e0d52e-a122-49e7-8470-7acbeb947a7d">Re: FI's previous MIL</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI's previous MIL : I'm in the awkward situation that her being a guest kind of weirds me out (maybe I'd be more accepting of the relationship if she would even acknowledge me when we're the only people in a room...) BUT I love FI and this is his day with our families, too! So I want to be supportive and embrace the situation in the most gracious way I can.
Posted by Jenni8412[/QUOTE]
Personally, I think extending the invitation would show you are gracious.  It would seem odd to me to see her formally seated since she isn't immediate family.  I had someone at our wedding who was like a second mother to me growing up and all throughout my life and she was seated with the "regular" guests.

But talk to him and see his feelings.  You might be way overthinking this.

chrmun

Yeah, just invite her to the wedding and call it a day. 

Loopyseven

I agree.  Inviting her to the wedding is gesture enough.  No need to single her out any further.  If your FI wants to give her a corsage I'd be okay with that, but seat her as a normal guest, no other attention to it.

sonya+adam

I agree, just invite her and treat her as a regular guest.

sweetcanadian1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fis-previous-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8712b539-9c48-426f-a9e0-01685d5b530fPost:3ac5225c-aab2-4a25-870a-33ed1eaf83ed">Re: FI's previous MIL</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree, just invite her and treat her as a regular guest.
Posted by sonya+adam[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree, she is not his mother, nor your mother so she should not be treated as such even though she was awesome to him, she is not that way with you so she shouldn't be treated so super special because she is not related. </div>

stefaniewattie

I have alot of women (and men!) in my life who are fantastic to me, if I seated all of them and singled them all out... that would be alot of people being seated.
YES shes important to him, but allowing her to be a guest is gracious enough, especially considering the fact that shes not even nice to you.
Id leave it at guest, and maybe a corsage if FI wants it, but personally, I think that would be stepping on actual mothers toes if you seated her like she was a mother.
It is great of you to be ok with this and being as gracious as you are though! Most women (myself included) would probably not be cool with this at all, let alone offering up suggestions to honor her.

lopezalonso

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fis-previous-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8712b539-9c48-426f-a9e0-01685d5b530fPost:dc078973-a8b9-4d1f-845c-75aab643f90c">Re: FI's previous MIL</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand that they are close, but treating her as anything more than a guest weirds me out.
Posted by breaness[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Agree

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