Am I a terrible bride for not wanting to plan a wedding?

alwysbrdmaid

I just want a simple thing and he doesn't so we are planning it but it just feels like a lot of work and I don't want to do it.

brookelynpaisley

So then don't. Have you talked about the compromises you're each making? iI he wants the big wedding and you don't but are having one as your part of the compromise, then he should be pitching in a lot of help in making decisions.

SarahPLiz

If he wants it big and you don't, then you need to compromise. If he wants lots of details, then he needs to take the lead on planning. It is traditionally the bride who plans and the groom that sits back and lets it happen, because traditionally brides were supposed to be the ones that wanted their pretty princess day and loved planning parties.
I am with you. I hate planning parties. We are keeping it simple and small and emphasizing the family part of the celebration. So far it hasn't been hard, but I do feel like I am a lot less enthusiastic about the details than some brides are.
If I were you, I'd enlist my FI into planning. Make him take the lead responsibility on contacting vendors and setting up meetings. You never know, he might eventually acquiesce to your idea of a small wedding.

alwysbrdmaid

He doesn't want a big wedding. He just doesn't want to elope like I do. And he has helped. He's helped pick the colors and he's looked at invites and stuff but I think he got a little overwhelmed when it came to flowers.
We are in the very early stages of planning so I haven't asked a whole lot from him yet but believe me he better do his part. If I'm getting married in four months then he has to help.

Nebb

You need to have a discussion NOW about planning responsibilities. If he is overwhelmed by flowers, give him some other tasks that wont be as overwheming to him. Dont say "believe me he better do his part", have a discussion with him and nip it in the bud now rather than be pissed off later. If you dont, youre really just setting the whole situation up for failure rather than taking accountability for it now.

AmoroAgain

How big is the wedding going to be?  We kept ours around 50, found a couple of places that would do pretty much everything for us including set up, take down, etc.  It was so easy it was ridiculous.  I did nothing for most of the time.

alwysbrdmaid

He liked looking at venues. Maybe I will give him that responsibility. And I hope you are right and he doesn't want a big wedding after he sees what goes into it.

Nebb

I dont think planning a big wedding is necessarily harder than planning a relatively small wedding, its just a matter of being organized in all situations. It sounds like youre just annoyed you arent getting your way and are a bit peeved about it and slightly bitter towards him.

alwysbrdmaid

I'm hoping for a venue like that too. My old boss had one like that so I was hoping to get the name from her. I want to check it out and see how much it costs first and what it looks like.
He was also interested in the engagement photos. I'll leave that to him.

AmoroAgain

Yeah, I was all about having the reception at a restaurant, no dancing, no massive centerpieces, nothing outrageous.  Simple and sweet!

polichik

You might want to think about this in a different way. If your fiancec wants the wedding and you don't, then he should be the one designating tasks to you. He should be the one on The Knot, getting ideas. It sounds like you're the planner and frustrated about it. If he wants the wedding, he needs to take the reins, be the main planner, and ask you to do specific tasks.

Try that, and you won't be annoyed about the burden you're carrying.

baby green bird

either have him plan it, or just tell him you don't want to plan a huge ordeal. communicate.

thesuninherhead

Personallly, I would find a compromise of a smaller wedding, and if I was honestly not at all interested, let my H do most of the planning as Poli suggests. If you do want to plan, you can both work together to decide who does what so that it's not so overwhelming. 

 

There's always options like cocktail style receptions which are not quite so formal and easier to organise in many ways (as well as less expensive) but still allow you and your guests to celebrate together.

 

Have you set a date yet?

thesuninherhead

BGB, is that really you?! Everyone is coming out of the woodwork over the past while!

flutgrl1

I had no interest or patience for it (planning). My stepmom did the bulk of it. I loved it. and still managed to be stressed sometimes ironically!

redheadfsu

I know this sounds bad, but if he wants it then he can plan it. However, then you can't complain if it isn't what you want. So just talk to him explain you are frustrated & plan everything together. When one gets overwhelmed the other can handle the vendor,family, etc. that day. Work as one team and trade off as leader.

Edit: I also wanted to add/ clarify  - don't "ask" anything of him. Sit down & work together as a team, not you as the boss of the wedding you don't want and asking him to help.